Why do some folks want to get married so badly?

Question

I chose to say folks, because not all women feel this and some men do. For those that do, why do some get the feeling that they MUST get married?
I personally feel this, but I'm battling with why I even feel this way. My current relationship is like a marriage. We have known each other for 5yrs, been a couple and living with one another for 4yrs. It is an equal partnership and he is my best friend. I can't complain, yet I have this nagging feeling that I must get a ring. It has gotten to the point where I mentally made a note that if I don't get one within the next 4 years, I will move on. But why should I care?! If the relationship is so good, why do I want to ruin it by letting this nagging feeling for marriage get in the way?
So tell me why do some folks get this feeling? I know plenty of folks who get this marriage fever....but why?
I have some possible reasons as to why, but nothing that really makes sense as to why it hits a bunch of folks. What do you think?

Answer 1

Hi, this is the first question I've chosen to try to give some sort of answer...I feel the same way after 2 failed marriages...the 1st one I ended when I was left to earn a living, have a baby, support my family, have a major surgery all alone with a 3 yr. old child, and support ex's beer & harley habit. The 2nd one (yes, I got married again after swearing marraige off) ended in a suicide - my 2nd husband obviously worked too much and was stressed out and suffered from manic-depression - NOW, over 3 years later I am in love and trying to tell myself I should NEVER get married again. Marriage seems to ruin a relationship, at least in my life. I think it is human nature to want to solidify and secure our partnerships, not sure exactly why, but I know it is to "prove" our love...we have been raised thinking God won't let us into heaven or we'll go to hell if we don't seal the deal with a pair of rings, an over priced ceremony, and a legally binding document. I think we want to get married so bad because it's a tradition, a union of familiarity, because our parents did, so we OWN each other. So we can legally have sex, and even eventually SUE each other in a court of law when things don't pan according to our expectations. I truly believe we're still practicing this ancient ritual because it's just that A Ritual - I am sure I am one of the people that are afraid of tying the knot again. Is it that it kinda gives us something to have and to hold until death - AND THEN WHAT?? Are we own our own when we stop breathing and our hearts no longer beat? I'm going to do my best to have a long, mutually satisfying, loving, UNMARRIED relationship...that way there's no taboo when one of us decides it's not worth the pain of staying if it's not working and then we're not stuck with each other's last name, debts, pets, etc... Did you know that a woman can easily change her last name with a marriage certificate (even by mail), but cannot get her maiden last name back with a death certificate without going to some major expense, court, posting in legal notices, etc....? I think we're in a vicious circle of traditions, what used to be. Why don't we embrace our individuality and have the self confidence and trust to celebrate (with or without the traditional gifts, parties, etc.) after we've been in a happily un-married relationship for a considerable amount of time. Most people get married to only find out they don't really know the other until something tragic, or unacceptable to the other occurs...I think we feel like we have to get married out of Tradition (Rituals of the past) and out of Fear so we won't leave one another...And wether you want to be married or not, WHY DO SOME STATES MAKE YOU COMMON LAW? SO, WE'RE FORCING COUPLES TO BE LEGALLY BOUND EVEN WHEN THEY JUST WANT TO LIVE UNDER THE SAME ROOF WITH THEIR LOVER/BEST FRIEND, ETC. Oh yea, unless they're the same sex, then they can't get married. I hope I helped answer the question.

Answer 2

Well b4 reading the ? in it's entirety i was going to say, people get married just to be doin' something but hearing the situating, i feel u in a way but, i would say in the next 4 yrs if u have not gotten a ring i agree u should move on butt i would say b4 it even gets to 4yrs, if i haven't gotten a ring i would be gone maybe at two, because then i would start thinking that he's just having do everything like a wife and he do everything like husband but don't want to make that commitment. I feel if u can't act like why not be it. U know. And not to say to rush because that will mess up a good thing but u think that u can wait 4 yrs down the line b4 u say something about him not getting married, because i don't think u will , nore do i think u can because u been with him for 5yrs and your concerned all ready so in 4 more yrs, i would hope u would married and had some kids all that damn time, that's allot of time and one thing i wanted to ask is, how does he feel about it, what is his outlook on marriage period? Good luck, but do know to always do what u feel is best for u because people are always gonna do them. So do u and if he aint trying to do it with u then u know what u can do.

Answer 3

theres a saying why buy the cow when the milk is for free, living together and being a couple is like marriage and its great to try out and see if u can get along together in a house.....but wanting a marriage shud be the ultimate goal u shudnt live with another person unless ur sure u wanna get married someday and its like a trial.....some couples get comfy living like that and never think to get married...if a guys gonna be with u and live with u he shud eventually have it in his heart to get married to you! otherwise hes getting a live in maid and sex...its better so u can have kids with a good family and so you feel right about ur life...u might as well be husband and wife after living together so long the difference is how u feel getting a ring and saying im married now hes not just my boyfriend cuz im sure he feels like more than that to you!

Answer 4

To me it's because it's the "right thing too do", back in the day it was the main thing in life, to find a man/women and marry them, start a family and support eachother, but it has gone overboard now, people seem to think it's a fantasy world, marry too quick or marry the wrong person too quick and divorce within the next year. Sure some people find true love and would die for eachother, but really, in today's world, it's just a piece of paper now.

Answer 5

Its just the fact that they think marriage will make them Safe and secure.
It is their way to have someone there to love them .
Guys are insecure too !
After being in an abusive and loveless marriage where I was controlled by fits of anger and violence , I doubt I will ever trust anyone to marry.
My ex wife became mentally ill and I feel any woman can now .
I can take care of myself . All I Need a Woman for now is sex.

Answer 6

A couple of reasons...

1. No one wants to truly be alone. I mean, you have your times when you want to be by yourself, but surely no one wants to be completely shut off from humanity.

2. Trends. These people see their friends and families getting married, so they want to be a part of the trend too. Jump on the marriage bandwagon.

3. Tradition. A lot of people feel that if they don't get married, they will be outcasts, especially women. Certain religious groups require women to be married, reguardless of love.

Answer 7

Marriage to some people is a life long commitment to their partner. You can live together but without the band on your finger or the little piece of paper some people have insecurities about the others commitment to the relationship.

Answer 8

For some people it is the final commitment saying we are going to be together forever. Just living together and dating you can just get up one morning and say, you know I'm moving on. There is no solid commitment, nothing legally saying yes you are together. If things are good why not ask him to marry you, women can do that now a days.

Answer 9

I think that it's a security thing. You want the security of marriage so you know that he can't just leave you. The only difference between being a committed couple and being married is a piece of paper.

Answer 10

I am a SDA and that I believe that the people that want to be marreid are the ones that do love the other person and that they want to have that one part in Gods life to be one with another I know that there are people that only want to be with some one just so that there is less STDs in the world I hope that helps