does anyone else think its wrong that parents who care for the children should suffer because of parents that?

Question

don't care for there children because of peer pressure... I'm terrified of a gang of 16 year olds who just doss on my street my daughter included drinking and smoking drugs and popping pils...i'm constantly sat behind closed curtains even through the day.. i dare not even spek to my daughter in case she runs away as she's already done it 3 times.. she's due in at 10 30 and i'm dreading it everyone is telling me you must keep the lines of communication open but i'm scared to speak....

Answer 1

It sounds like you have done the right things and tried to raise your daughter well. It also sounds like the environment you live in is causing some serious problems.

Do continue to seek work outside of your area. Don't worry about how your daughter feels about this because she isn't making responsible decisions right now anyway. Do try to take her away from this environment.

When you speak to your daughter speak to her with respect. Respond to what she has to say, do not react. Take a breath, think of what it is that you want to say and say it calmly and respectfully. Respond. Not react. This way when she speaks to you with disrespect you can say, "Daughter, I do not speak to you that way,....Why would you speak to me like that?" This teaches respect.

It is not a good thing that you are afraid to have conversation with your child. Therefore, you have to develop some tools for interacting with your teenager. One of the tools is the sureness that you are capable of making right decisions and following through on them all by yourself. Write down all the reasons you pursued your education and are seeking to relocate. Write down all the reasons for wanting to remove your daughter from this place. Write down the good things about living where you live. Write down all the good things you see in your daughter. Write down all the inappropriate behaviors you are dealing with. Find your path.

When you have conversation with your daughter sit her at the kitchen table, notes in hand. (See paragraph 3.) Start by telling her all the good things you see in her...(she's pretty, smart, kind to small animals, whatever you see). Then tell you that you have had to make a hard decision and that you are going to find work in another location. Tell her you see that she is growing up and that you need her cooperation with this. Then go over the list of good things the move will bring with her. If you have trouble getting through the notes and she begins disrespect just say, "Well, love, I see we cannot finish this conversation tonight." And walk away ...the end...give it another shot tomorrow.....She'll go...What...Well, tell me what you were going to say....Tell her No. Tomorrow. This gives her time to process what she did actually hear, and you did cover all of her wonderful qualities, so she's going to have to think.

Tomorrow night: Repeat. (See paragraph 3.)
Because of your behavior, response and lack of reaction last night she should want to hear a little more. Tell her when you go over all her assets again, because we are going to go through the notes from beginning to end, not pick up in the middle (in which case you are being manipulated, not teaching her anything.).....Tell her you know she can make responsible decisions. Add this to the list of assets tonight. Do it in front of her. Write it down. Procede with notes as planned. Follow through with Paragraph 3 and Paragraph 5.

You need to teach her about the person you are becoming, and she needs to teach you about the person she is becoming. Speak to her as if she is already grown and making responsible decisions. You have the gift of time and foresight.

Tell her it is time for her to start planning for a car, and a job. Tell her you see she is growing up. Tell her it is your intention to stop telling her things. Now you will ask...."Hon, what time will you be in tonight?" and accept her answer. Don't be surprised if she pushes you here. She doesn't believe you yet. So let the errors slide. Limit conversations to , "Hello, daughter." and that is all.

Do a job search in the area you like and send a resume to every employer. If they aren't looking now, they may be later. Apply for whatever assistance you qualify for in the area: Housing subsidies, food stamps, state health insurance. If you are not receiving Child Support file now.

Have the newspaper from the new location delivered to the house. Let her see it and see if she goes through it. Look for job openings.

You have laid a good foundation. Now stand on it. Be the Teacher, become better than her best friend as a source of information. Talk to her about everything when she comes to you. I let my 17 year old have alcohol in the house because her friends drinking had become a topic of conversation. The rule was no drinking outside the home, no sharing with minors.

You have very little time before she is grown. Use it wisely. See the young woman she is becoming. Be the Teacher.

Answer 2

Whos the boss here ?? I know it must be a worry if your daughter has ran away 3 times already but clearly she is off the rails ,its only a matter of time now before she comes home pregnant , sorry i dont mean to be offensive but you need to get her under control . I have always said if my daughter came home drunk or worse having taken something i would have the police on her case as i would want to know who`s been supplying them to her , this is the rest of her life she needs to be sorted out now before its too late .....

I do wish you well , i really do , i have 4 girls (15,12,10 &4) and know how hard it is but I am the boss when it comes too them . My eldest has undesirable friends in my eyes but i can`t stop her seeing them so we have to compromise , she has to be in at 10pm and not a second later or she`s in the rest of the week . When shes out i phone her every half hour to see where she is and what shes doing , i know it annoys her but thats the way it goes .

Answer 3

what you are dealing with is an unfortunate, common problem. can you move far away? seriously, if you live in fear this way, you might as well get as far away from it as you can. if that isn't possible, perhaps you need to get involved in another way. check with your local school and any resource possible (non-profit organizations, etc) to try to help you. what you need is major support & the tools to teach your daughter why she needs to stay away from these people. obviously, she doesn't see the harm in her decision to associate with these people. that is what she needs to learn: what are the consequences. (oh, & also contact your local police dept. they might have programs set in place to help parents & teens in similar situations, and maybe churches possibly).

especially, if you are a single mother, you NEED more support. the very fact that you care so much is good, so take things into your own hands and get some help from anywhere you can!

Answer 4

Have you ever heard of grounding? Stand up and make some ground rules for the girl! If she decides to runaway again call the cops they will find her and pick her up. If your state allows it they will keep her locked up for a while. it may help teach her a lesson. You are her Parent and you need to get her out of this situation before it gets really bad. Move if you can. get her away from those people!

Answer 5

Take her away from it, close it completely. Move as far away as you can. The sad fact it that kids are either friends with their parents or the opposite. Unfortunately there is no in between. She needs guidance and you need to provide that, move away and start fresh and explain to her why the move has occurred! Awareness in kids often is the aid in making who they are!

Answer 6

people could desire to have young ones by way of fact they definitely prefer to strengthen them, share their reviews, and 'strengthen' their lives by using having babies. they must not have a toddler as a potential to have a care taker later in existence. that's selfish. This toddler that's being extra into the international had no say in what kin they could be extra into. they could not be asked before in the event that they could prefer to be taking care of their elderly mothers and dads of their center age. right this moment's society is an costly one to stay in. Adults ought to make the suited arrangements to preserve themselves later, financially, medically, and should not fullyyt place self belief of their babies. Their young ones by using this think approximately time are in all probability paying off a private loan, making waiting for their very own old age, and paying training costs for their very own young ones. i admire my mothers and dads, yet i actually desire they are making waiting financially by way of fact i don't think of they must assume that whilst they get old and prefer somebody to preserve them, that they are able to easily pass in with me whilst they experience like it. at the start, by using then i think of i could prefer my own area 2d, I in all probability won't have sufficient space anyhow 0.33, i admire them, yet whether they are elderly, that doesn't propose they nonetheless are not my mothers and dads and nonetheless won't stay away from attempting to take administration Fourth, in all seriousness, in the event that they have been very elderly/ill, i could prefer them residing someplace the place that they had experienced specialists.

Answer 7

I think you should speak to her about it! .x