If I hate having sex with my husband, is this a reasonable reason to split with him? Otherwise I love him, he's a good person and loves me very much. But our sex life is awful. It has gone from the sex being okay, to me not feeling anything for him during to sex, to the point where I actually feel like I am being violated when we have sex. I know he wants more than I give him, and I know I am not happy with this area of our life. I dont think I can change the way I feel about, and I will not do the things he wants me to - oral sex, anal,because the idea disgusts me. (not in general, but with him.) When we try to talk about it, he ends up blaming everything on me, and then I want him even less. What should I do?
2006-10-14 08:03:47 · 24 answers · asked by psa73 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He disgusts YOU, YOU aren't happy with him, YOU don't want to sleep with him but you make it sound like it is his fault. I would say you should get some therapy and probably some medications.
2006-10-14 08:07:55 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I don't think you should leave because he can't perform well. I mean you took those wedding vows for better or worse. Yes there is good as well as the bad baggage. My advice and I am preaching to myself too is to first find out if its a medical issue. Anything can be wrong like prostate issues, testicular problems etc. I hope he don't have that it can put a strain on a marriage. If that is not the case then plan b is to talk about different things you can do to make it work. Perhaps trying different things together. I was watching this show called sexual healing it think it comes on showtime and i got alot of ideas from other couples on the show. The dr on the show is Dr Laura. Plan c is see a couples counselor to help out with the issues in your marriage. I hope this helps. I too am going through the same thing.
2006-10-14 08:23:31 · answer #2 · answered by shyhonney 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you hate having sex with your husband, try to find some way out rather than blaming your husband all the way. You are a married woman, that means that you have to take care of your husband's needs as much as he's trying to give you the comfort. Marriage is not just having fun on the bed... it means more than that... Marriage means that you give comfort to your husband in more ways than you can think right now. Marriage is a perfect relationship wherein you can provide your counterpart with EMOTIONAL and SPIRITUAL SATISFACTION TOO. I do not think that not having a wonderful intercourse with your husband is a reasonable reason to split with him. The best possible solution could be making him realize that he really needs to improve upon his sexual behaviour as you consider it as a primary matter and for that you can watch some movies(adult) together and show him that this is what pleasure means to you. AND then you will see the clouds of all the doubts getting cleared. Tell him that u want to feel on the top of the ecstasy and if he feels you and your emotions are important for him, YOU WILL DEFINITELY FIND AN ANSWER WITH HIM...
2006-10-14 08:21:43 · answer #3 · answered by thesensationalguy 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It is the PORN! It is not your fault beleive me I know my old man used to call sex chat and look at porn all the time and i did not even know.You need to tell him to stop porn NOW! You know he is whacking off without you and your just not as good as his fantasy and his hand.He is lazy and he is hurting you.Demand it stop or else leave him.He is being a selfish porn addicted prick.Its not you honey I promise.No one can compare to their fantasy and your killing yourself trying.Looking back had I known then in 1997 what I know now.I would just have left my husband and been done.They are selfish. They put you through hell.Am I too fat ? Is it my breasts ,Maybe I look too old.PORN exsploits women okay.I know you are open minded >I used to be too till I read the life story of Sharon Marshall a little 5 year old girl who was kidnapped by a pedaphile raised by him , forced to do porn,forced to get breast implants ,Forced too work in strip clubs from 17 to 24 and finally murdered I will never be opened minded about porn again.You know why they smile and act like they like it? Because if they do not make enough money they will get the crap beat out of them by their owner/pimp/father/boyfreind.This is reality and only one person at a time can become informed and choose to turn the crap off it might help at least knowing that your not contributing to the exsploitation of these women.They are somebodys daughters/sisters.
2016-05-22 01:49:09 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should do two things:
1. Tell him your concern. Let him know how you feel. Try to improve the situation either alone or with professional help. And, if he refuses to talk, then you have a choice to make.
2. If that doesn't work, then file for divorce. At least that way he will know its coming. Don't blind side him if he has done nothing wrong. That makes you wrong.
If you are not happy, you need to move on. He deserves better and if he is going to invest his emotions and love in you, then you need to set him free so he can love somebody else.
TX Guy
2006-10-14 08:48:51 · answer #5 · answered by txguy8800 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well things ssem bad with your marriage, I mean this is serious if u don't feel the connection with him anymore it's hard to try and fake the feelings, i know that this marriage might sound hopeless but is it worth breaking up a marriage over?You say that u love him so I hope u make the right decision.
2006-10-14 08:12:36 · answer #6 · answered by jamaican girl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to deal with the real issue. I think you don't love your husband anymore. Also there is a communication breakdown. If your husband knew what you have just told us, he would be very aware of how badly he is doing in keeping this marriage. If he is dumb enough not to pick up on the hint, then I am worried a year or so from now, you may end up dumbing his sorry a**. I would prefer you don't and make it work by communicating these very serious issues to him.
2006-10-14 08:34:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Why do you hate the sex though, the main reason...are you not being pleased at all? What did you used to enjoy about sex? Sometimes we feel like we don't like it, but really we aren't happy with ourself so we don't want to do it for fear of not being good, the way our body looks, it hurting...lots of reasons. Maybe you two should sit down, I know this might sound silly, but make a list of the things you both like. Don't concentrate on what you don't. Make your Like List and then agree on things you BOTH like...sex, I believe, if for the right reason, should be about pleasing the other person. everytime I have sex, I want to please my husband and I know he wants to please me...that is what makes it good.
2006-10-14 10:31:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I believe that sex life = 50% of the marriage.. if you dont have a good sex life.. then half of that relationship is already gone. Try seperating and then start dating again.. be true to yourself.
2006-10-14 08:11:39 · answer #9 · answered by mommahnina 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
you should see a marriage or sex counselor... if your both willing, it will help to get a professional involved. otherwise all of the areas in your relationship will begin to suffer too. its not your fault its just a misunderstanding of how each of you view intimacy. Good luck.
2006-10-14 08:13:32 · answer #10 · answered by puertoricout 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I hated to have sex with my husband when I was married also, but I'm sorry to tell you... I don't think you love him or it wouldn't make you gross out. Sex is very important in a relationship. If you can't or don't want to have sex with him.... it's time to get a divorce.
2006-10-14 08:10:16 · answer #11 · answered by Marla C 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋