Im girl freind cheated on me early this year. We broke up but i decided to give her a second chance. Problem is i keep having visuals of when she cheated and i get so upset when i think of it, its affecting our relationship coz i dont trust her at times. I really love this girl, we have been together for 3 years and i wanted to marry her, but things are not the same in my heart. Should i stay or let her go?
2006-10-14 05:56:05 · 15 answers · asked by frankie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First, you already made the decision to give her a second chance. So really give her the second chance! The hurt of what she did will not go away immediately... it may take a long time in fact. You need to focus on the love you have for her and the good things about her. Let her prove herself to you. Don't dwell on it and try to move forward. If you find you just can't do these things, then maybe it is a better idea to let her go... because bringing it up time and time again will hurt her too. Not that what she did was right, it wasn't... but the point is you both need to be able to move forward.
Do you know what the original issue was? Was she not getting enough attention from you? Was she mad at you for some reason and getting back at you? It may help to work out the underlying issues if you really want to get past it.
2006-10-14 06:03:46 · answer #1 · answered by fullofsugaw 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you and she need to have a long talk about why this happened. You use the words 'giving her a second chance' which suggests she's kind of on trial, and you are constantly on edge waiting to see if she'll hurt you again. No relationship can stand that kind of strain for too long.
When people cheat in a relationship, it's often because they are not getting everything they need (emotionally or physically) from the relationship, so they try to fill the gap from elsewhere. If this is what has happened with your girlfriend, then she may have trouble staying faithful unless your relationship changes so that the gap is filled for her. But the gap might not be in the relationship itself, it might be in her. What I mean is that some people have such low self esteem that they feel themselves to be unworthy of love, and have to go around getting proof that they are loved. Trouble is, their need for their self esteem to be bolstered is like a bottomless pit. Until she can love and value herself, no one man will ever be able to love her enough.
You won't find out unless you are both brave enough to talk it all thorough. That's scary, bacause you might hear stuff that's painful. But it's got to be better than living in a constant state of anxiety.
Good luck.
2006-10-14 06:08:25 · answer #2 · answered by Felida 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had been married for 45 yrs when my wife decided to go off on a wild tangent..I guess there was more than 5 or 6 men she layed with...It's so very hard, and the un-godly pain to go thru, the sleepness nights, the crying, the not being able to function anywhere or with anybody...I stuck it out after all my friends and family told me to divorce her..I'm glad I did, cause I couldnt throw all those good years away...It's like a broken vase...you can put it back together, but no matter how well you fix it, you can still see the cracks...It's been 8 years now, and I have forgiven, but I probably will never forget...I hope you can find your way thru this and I'll just say, good luck
2006-10-14 06:03:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you decided to give her a second chance you must have thought this through. I assume you liked her more than than the hurt you felt to do this? You will need a little time to come to terms with things but you must trust each other or your relationship is history. If you were to find a new girl tomorrow she might well have had previous relationships which I assume you would forgive? Just see this as a fresh start and try gradually to find out if she is as serious about you as you are about her.
Hope that helps a bit with your worry...
2006-10-14 06:06:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's brave of you to get back with her. But you may be asking the impossible of yourself.
Only you will know if you can trust her again. If you can't - then your relationship has no hope.
2006-10-14 05:58:04 · answer #5 · answered by Felidae 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you cannot forgive her and get over it and try to build a trusting relationship with her do both of you a favor. cut her loose and move on.
2006-10-14 05:59:03 · answer #6 · answered by SKYDOGSLIM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love the girl seriously you must keep trying dont let her go.
Opportunity knocks only once.
2006-10-14 06:00:54 · answer #7 · answered by SKG R 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to hear what she has done, if it was my partner who had done the dirty i would let them go,i don't think she has any respect for you, if she had any feelings for someone else she should have finished it with you,i have a friend who has done the dirty on their partner and i don't think it will stop there i think they will keep doing it again and again!! so chuck her find some one who deserves you ..... good luck to you for the future x
2006-10-14 06:04:51 · answer #8 · answered by okokok 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her go, if you can't trust her thats always going to be on your mind. Your constintly going to be worrying about who she's with, what shes doing, and if shes with "someone else".
2006-10-14 05:58:54 · answer #9 · answered by armesia_combs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her go, fact is, she'll probably do it again, better break it off not before your feelings get to strong
2006-10-14 05:57:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋