Future mother in law from hell?????

Question

My future mother in law hates me for no reason!She seemed fine when my bf introduced me to the rest of his family but when she invited me to a one on one lunch i dont know what happened she asked why i was intrested in her son to marry him ?If i was after his money?If i had sex with her son or anyone else what was my history in dating/relationships?She kept emphasis on the fact that her son was 100% percent Italian and a good boy. She in not so many words said she thought i was not good enough for her son and new nothing and was a tramp after his money.I am pregnant and very upset about this my future husband is rushing the wedding along because he does not want to tell her! I am so angry how do i confront her?

My family has just as much money if not more than hers does and i have to go to friday night meals at her house with my bf and i am going to pop of her head if she pretends to be nice again.

I only dated three guys before her son and have never been engaged or married before and my bf is only the second guy i have ever had sex with at the age of 24!

We dated through most of college and i really love him we found out i was pregnant after we were engaged.

Answer 1

Talk your boyfriend. he ought to be defending you. Obviously he had a hand in getting you pregnant so he is not as innocent as his dear mother thinks.

Answer 2

OK -- you already put forth an attitude in this question (and one not designed to help establish a stable and complimentary relationship with his mother).

I'll tell you this -- with you already being pregnant (and not telling her -- but she already KNOWS -- believe me ... it shows), and to be NOT willing to listen to the mother who LOVED and CARED for And RAISED this son to adulthood, to not talk to her like a FUTURE Daughter would (and yes, you ARE marrying into the family -- and as a Matriarch, she should be treated with respect)......

Well, you get where I am coming from -- and you are behaving and responding badly to her efforts to reach out to you.

What in your youthful arrogance is seeing as an attack on your ego or choices is really the care and concern of a mother -- one who wants the best for her son.

When you are deceptive about the reasons for marrying into the family - then you are causing a problem -- have you told the mother or his parents about the pregnancy -- the REASON the marriage is being RUSHED along?

Have you and your fiance sat down and drawn up a Pre-Nuptial Agreement, one which is FAIR and Equitable -- and yes, YOUR previous Relationships IS a key to your FUTURE behaviors (I, personally know many a female who married/divorced (after taking lots of money), married/divorced another (after taking him for lots of money), married/divorced another (more taking of money) ... etc -- and they are DISGUSTING to any mother -- and a VERY SERIOUS problem to sons that they have LOVED and CARED for and RAISED to adulthood -- much less the family that these predatory tramps victimize),

and you have the AUDACITY to WANT to confront HER (The Mother)????

THINK about all I have said first -- then start evaluating your situation. REALIZE this -- YOU will be causing a RIFT in the FAMILY That will last a lifetime -- and YOUR ATTITUDE can either make or break this FAMILY APART --

And FAMILY is FAMILY -- they are the ones there after those predatory tramps get done destroying the good men -- the ones who ARE doing everything right and morally and who are STOMPED on by the tramps' actions that destroy their Brother, Son, Nephew, whatever.

They are the RARITY -- the Responsible male.

DONT destroy this family relationship or cause a rift between the mother and the son she RAISED and CARED for/Loved!

DO be HONEST about EVERY THING -- pregnancy, your desires for a family life, look at your past behaviors (and if you have had many -- stop please and START changing for the better), and BOTH you and your fiance need to develop a pre-nup -- if only because YOU DO LOVE each other in Actuality, and NEED this protection to STRENGTHEN The BOND between you that will be shared in the Marriage Rite.

Answer 3

First off...relax...it's normal for mother/daughter- in-law's to have problems initially. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many comedy routines dedicated to it. She feels like she's losing her son and no one will ever be good enough to replace her. This is going to be something that takes time to overcome. You need to maintain your cool, don't give her a reason to hate you. Maybe try asking her out to lunch, include her in some of the wedding plans. Call her up and ask her opinion on something. Make her feel important and included in your life. The more you do this the more you'll form a bond with her. Think of it this way, she doesn't know you at all. Her son bascially forced you on her. She has no choice in the matter. So it's up to you to help her get to know you. Let her see that you're good for her son. And trust me, the last thing you want is confrontation. She will always be his mother and nothing you do will ever change this. You need to be smart and saavy.

Answer 4

If you love your boyfriend and plan for him to be your future husband, you must find a way to get along with his mother. Please give her some respect, at the same time let her know that you are very uncomfortable with her line of questions as they are personal. You and your boyfriend should tell her together about the pregnancy. Should in case she has an out burst you will not be alone to take her abuse. You are marrying the son and not the whole family, but you can not alienate the whole tribe as Italians tend to stick together. You are the out sider and if you want to belong you will have to find a way to reassure your future mother in law that your love for her son is sincere. Be patient but firm set boundaries and earn their respect. Learn Italian so you can fit in well, this will prevent them from talking about you in your presence. Good luck with the announcement,

Answer 5

I feel your anger...lol...been there done that. I have been through the same thing you are going through now except mine was much more spiteful (saying nasty things about me to my husband, saying i said something i didn't, making me the bad guy) You have to get it under control because it can be devastating to your marriage. Keep in mind that's his mom, regardless of what you think of her he thinks the world of her. Set things straight though...stop being the "nice guy". Once she realizes she will not be able to push you around anymore, things will calm down i promise.

Don't let things go to far though (lol..no fist fighting over dinner) but make it very clear that you DONT need her permission to marry her son, you love him and will marry him with or with out her acceptance.

She will get angry the first few times you stand up to her, but be persistent because once she realizes she has no control over the situation she will back off.

Don't be afraid of her! Think of her as any other person, would you allow someone you don't know to run all over you? I doubt it. You may be marrying into the family but you most certainly are not marrying her.

Say what you have to say in a calm manner, don't engage yourself in a screaming battle, then leave the room, let her sit there and boil over. Eventually it WILL stop.

Good Luck

Answer 6

The best way to handle people like this is to just be yourself. That will irritate her even more, but she will see that she is not getting to you. That's what she wants to do. She wants to get to you to the point that you will get out of her sons life. It doesn't matter what you do, she will never like you, nor anyone else he chose. She is one of those controlling mothers who thinks NO ONE is good enough for her son. If your bf loves you and he wants to marry you and he understands that his mother is never going to accept you, then your first battle is over. But he has to stand by you and not his mother. He has to be the one to stand up to her, not you. It's his mother and she is only going to listen to him. He needs to stand firm to let her know that your going to be his wife wheather she likes it or not. It's not her business now. He is a grown man able to make his own decisions. My concern is that you say you are pregnant, but you didn't mention if he loved you or not. Is he only marrying you because your pregnant? If this is the case, you really are going to have a difficult life with him as well as his mother. It's also possible that she thinks this baby is not his. Your bf needs to give her proof of that after the baby is born. Do a DNA test to show her that the child is his. Right now she thinks your just out to trap her son. Be prepared, because you are in for a long haul with this women. You and your soon to be husband need to have a very strong foundation to be able to withstand all that will come with her not accepting you. Stay strong. If you both love each other, your strength will come from within.

Answer 7

Ignore her comments ,she just doesn't want to see her little boy taken away no matter how old he is.you are now one of the family so you should be the one rubbing her face in it,don't go for lunch with her on you own again ,don't tell your husband to be as I'm sure he may take mums side and this will no doubt cause arguments.If you do have time on your own with her just tell her no matter what she thinks you and her son are very much in love and you are going to make sure that your future life together is a long one and if she cannot except this then it is tough.

Answer 8

Ok, let's go in order. It's up to you and your fiance to decide who is in your wedding party, not your mother-in-law to be. However, since it is generally tradition for the brothers to be part of the wedding party, this can be seen as an insult. Bipolar disorder is something that is usually controlled by medication, so having them in the wedding party is more of a personal issue than a medical one. She shouldn't have been eavesdropping and she shouldn't have flipped out but the two of you (you and your fiance) should have discussed it with her (and probably shouldn't have been discussing it at his house). As to the dress situation, she shouldn't be wearing any color resembling white in your wedding. White is traditionally reserved for the bride and only the bride. Put a stop to that immediately. If your fiance doesn't understand that, put it this way- you're wearing a white dress, his mother isn't. If he can't get her to wear a different dress, then either you're eloping, she's not invited to the wedding or something needs to be prioritized. Frankly, I think your fiance needs a reality check. This is your wedding, meant for the two of you. Not his mother. If you two can't join together and plan this how can you expect to join together on anything once you're married? If his mother is going to be putting her two cents in on everything and omitting your opinion from every little detail of your own life, how do you expect to live your life? Your fiance is taking his mother's side in all of this. I'm not saying that he should never be on his mother's side, but he shouldn't be taking his mother's side when she is obviously in the wrong. You shouldn't be talking to your soon to be mother-in-law, you should be talking to your fiance. He's letting his mother ruin your relationship and he's standing by and watching it. Work on your relationship, make him grow a backbone and stand up to his mother before you walk down the aisle and set yourself up for disaster.

Answer 9

I so feel your pain hun. I did not get questioned like that because she knows i will tell her a piece of my mine, My husband knows that too lol. I think you should stand up to her in decent manner. You think this is hell now, wait till you get married. I am married to myhusband for two years so far and I am still having issues. She fakes all the time about likeing me but i can see it in her face. Just ignore her hun. You and your husband to be is your own family that is how i try to think of it and what you say in your household will stick more than what his mother thinks. We can't change them but we can switch the iggy button on . When the baby is born it will be a mess. Me on the other hand did not let her in at all. I don't hold my breath for anything. If you wanna talk hun you know where to find me. Snugglebunnie2two just let me know who are you are first. Goodluck and I hope I was some sort of help to ya. I so feel ya. I am going through issues now.

Answer 10

Eventually she has to realize that you are both in love. Pretty soon your will adding another member to the family, a baby usually brings a lot of joy to the whole family.
Don't confront your mother in law let her get to know you better. She will be able to realize how unfair she is being to you and have a change of heart.
Try to relax and not think too much about your mother in law. You need to concentrate on your pregnancy, get ready for the baby and the planning of your wedding. Good luck.

Answer 11

Trust me...no one is ever good enough for their mother.Sh e would hate anyone who is taking her son away from her.
You and your soon to be husband need to be honest with mom though. Tell her about the baby now so she doesn't feel used or betrayed. These things can only make the situation worse.
Oh.and don't be surprised if she changes her tune when she finds out about the baby. Grand-kids have a way of softening up those gruff grandma's. Good Luck!