Here's the deal: My wife and I got married young (22) and all seemed to be going well, except one problem that creates countless other problems is:She's from another country. She speaks english perfectly, but she's got no friends.It's been more than 2 years of marriage and 4 years of her being in the US and still no friends. This puts a huge drag on me, cause I just wanna go out with the guys sometimes (not a lot....once/twice a month) but she complains that I'm leaving her all alone then. PLUS, she wants to move to her home country, and while I love visiting there, I couldn't imagine living there!! I never knew how angry I could get until we had some of our fights. Things are NEVER physical, I'm not like that. But I have my doubts about this marriage. The thing is that my family is so religious that to get divorced would be the worst sin in the world and I love my family so much. Sometimes I'd rather just hang out with my guy friends.Guys need "guy time" is that 2 much to ask?
2006-10-14 04:53:19 · 11 answers · asked by harry_potter_kid 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To Sally who responded at the bottom-- We DO hang out with couples all the time. The thing is that she doesn't want me to hang out with just the guys. If you are married and think that you husband will never want to hang out without you, are you totally wrong. We ARE in church groups, she DOES have a job....she just can't make friends! Plain and simple. I am looking for advice on how to let her know that I enjoy being with her, but need time with just my guy friends. I don't need advice on appreciating her.....I just can't be with her during 100% of my free time when I'm not working.
2006-10-14 06:12:06 · update #1
I'm going to assume that if she made friends that the talk of going home would stop.
She's had opportunities to make a friend. She chooses not to. That is her choice.
As far as you going with the guys, go. You're not "leaving her all alone", she chooses to be alone. Give her some heads up as to when you will be going with your friends. This will give her some time to plan for herself, whether she chooses to or not is up to her.
If she really can't handle planning an afternoon for herself drop her off at one of your buddy's houses to spend time with his wife, since you're taking off with the husband.
Your problem has nothing to do with her being from another country...it has to do with her lack of initiative. You are just plain old being manipulated, not necessarily maliciously, she's just got a real serious dependence on you.
Go play. She's fine. When she realizes she's going to have to learn to entertain herself on occasion she'll find someone to go shopping with, or go see a movie. Sorry, it's just not that hard to do.
2006-10-14 08:45:25 · answer #1 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you didn't get married so young. I have been married to my husband since we were in college (age 20). Your problem is that you married a woman and took her away from all her friends and family and she isn't adjusting to our culture yet. It is not wrong for you to go out with your friends once a month. But you need to help her adjust to her new life. The first thing you should do is join a group somewhere where you both can go and she'll make friends there. Church organizations like Bible Study groups, Card clubs, a class at a gym, a lecture series at a college, a golf club, a tennis club...you get the idea. Once she starts to meet people, you need to encourage her to invite people over to your home for dessert and coffee, dinner, whatever. Help her throw a small party with 6 or 8 couples. This will help her make friends. Also, what's wrong with your friends that their wives don't invite her to do things with them when you guys get together? You should be talking to your guy pals about helping you with this. If you love your wife half as much as you seem to love being with the guys and your family, you should be doing more than expecting her to go out and make friends with strangers!! She married you because she loved you and you aren't helping her adjust to a life without her family and friends! You say you can't imagine living near her family and away from yours, but you are expecting HER to do just that ... and not helping her adjust. Get moving.
2006-10-14 05:39:51 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right, guys need guy time. I don't understand why she doesn't have any friends. Does she work to make friends with co-workers? Attend church, there's a great way to meet people. There are clubs and volunteer groups, one of these might provide a way to make some friends. She needs to make friends and have her time, too. You may need to reassure her that you are going out with the "guys" and not the girls. She may feel insecure. Maybe you can find a couple to go out with so she can have a female to talk to. Good luck.
2006-10-14 04:59:27 · answer #3 · answered by cowboys21angel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to take charge! Simple, she's not in charge, if she was, she would have made some friends here.
Tell her she will disgrace her family by returning home, this is what a coward does. If she can't make friends here in the USA, then she will aways be alone in her world.
You need to tell her it's time she get's out their and makes friends, joins some womens support groups. Her home is here now, so start living accordingly.
2006-10-14 05:03:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe some of your guy friends have wives that they could stop by your house with here and there. This way maybe she can become a friend to some of them. Some people have a time making friends and doing this may help the whole situation. Good luck.
2006-10-14 04:58:06 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ITs really important for both of you to have time with friends. She needs to get involved and meet people some how. She could start volunteering somewhere, start a hobby, take a random class at a community college...anything just to meet people. The idea about double dating is a good one...go out with your married friends and encourage her to hang out with the wife by herself too.
2006-10-14 06:06:51 · answer #6 · answered by EllisFan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a tough situation. I agree that guys need guy time. It's too bad she doesn't have anyone to hang out with. Don't any of your guy friends have wives or girlfriends they could introduce her to? Maybe then when the guys get together the girls could too. Before you talk divorce get some counseling together. She sounds shy and maybe that would help her be more open. I wish you luck.
2006-10-14 05:04:52 · answer #7 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i could think of that maximum adult males do like some freedom whilst married or in an prolonged-term courting. that's properly straightforward that adult males like their own time to pass off, think of approximately issues and artwork out ideas yet then i think of girls want their own area each and every now and then aswell. i truthfully think of that's totally healthful for the two adult males and ladies to have their own separate friends and hobbies then they might come decrease back at the same time back after. Relationships are all approximately provide and take yet there could be honesty and have confidence.
2016-10-02 07:15:50 · answer #8 · answered by laseter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband says he never felt so free until after he was married. He was free to be himself totally and was pleased to discover this about himself.
Now, you are wrong. You need to be her best friend and spend all of your time with her, doing things with her, your families, and your friends - but together. Maybe with your work buddies or close friends for a couple of hours once a month - that's it.
2006-10-14 08:08:05 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do any of your friends have a wife ,if so get them together with your wife so she will have a friend or two and that will get her out and things want be so bad between you two,just a though you can try.
2006-10-14 04:57:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋