Do you think my husband can change after 10yrs. of marriage?

Question

He is just flat out an a*shole and has been for 10yrs. A few days ago he said he was going to kill me because he didn't like one of my awnsers on here, and he even slapped me across the face twice. This isn't anything new to me, I am used to him flying of the handle about stupid things. I told him I have had enough, I can not take the mental and physcial abuse anymore, I told him the only way I am staying is if he gets conuseling and goes to the doctor and talks to him about medicine to control his anger problem. I'm not saying he beats the crape out of me daily, but in our eight yr. marriage he has probauly hit me at least 10 to 15 times. Some worse than the others. My question is do you think if he does go to conseling and the doctor is it possiable for him to change? Or should I just start finding away to get out. It will take time for me to get out because I am a stay at home mom, he makes most of the money in our house.

sorry for all the misspelled words.

Answer 1

I do not know why you allowed your husband to hit you everytime he gets mad for the past 10 years. Telling him that you cannot take it anymore is not enough, you have got to do something. You did not say what his answer was when you told him about going to a doctor for counselling, but based on what you said about his temper, I am sure he went flying out of his handle again. Well, i think counselling by a psychiatrist would do him a lot of good but do you think you can convince him to go to one? if you can talk him into going, then great but if not, then i think its time to get up the courage and show him that you are a person who should be respected. Do not allow him to hit you anymore, if he still tries to do it one more time, then I think its best to leave. It will be difficult cuz you are a home mom but you can always go to the proper authorities and ask help so you can demand for support for your children. All it takes is guts, and I know you can do it!

Answer 2

I can tell that you are an abused victim just by the fact that you took the time to apologize for your misspelled words. That says a lot, and I feel very sorry for you and what you have gone through. Honey, he won't change, ever. It is sad that you have put up with it for so long. He has managed to kill your self-esteem which will make it so much harder to leave him. You need to get help and you also need to go to counseling alone to help yourself become stronger (mentally). You have to believe in yourself. You said it will be hard to leave because you are a stay at home mom... That is what he wants you to think but it's not true... you'll do fine on your own, there are many services out there to help you. Take control of your life. Try not to do it alone, do you have family, friends that can give you support? Please leave, it is not fair for you and your children if you stay in this unhealthy relationship. Good luck.

Answer 3

A person will change only if they truly want to change. Forcing him into counseling to make changes when he really doesnt want to, wont help and there is no guarantee how long it would be before he resorted back to his old ways if the counseling did work. Your best bet would be to develop a plan B and move on. There is absolutely no reason for you to stay in this type of relationship. He has hit you 10-15 times too many to put up with him. When you decide to leave him sue him for divorce and go for everything you are legally entitled to including spousal support since he makes the money and you didnt say if any kids involved, but you will get custody of them and support unless youve been charged with child or drug/mental abuse. You will get the house too because of the kids. If needbe you can get a protective restraining order against him for your and your kids safety. You can do better for you and your kids and let this guy realize just what he lost. There are help groups out there if you need them willing to help you. Move on and good luck

Answer 4

Here's a tip, CALL THE POLICE, if he hits you again, tell the police that he has assaulted you and you want to file charges on him for Domestic Violence, Yes it's a crime in the USA.

While he's sitting in jail, get the District Attorney's office to issue a M.O.A.P. /this is a protection order signed by a Judge, with does not allow him to return to the home. Then file for divorce. He will never change.

Hitting is not a sign of love and never was. You don't need to put up with this ever again. A real man does not ever hit a woman.

Ask for help from the police. Conseling will not change this guy.

Answer 5

You should have left after the first hit. I say just leave now while you can b/c things will only get worse. It's not okay for a man to hit you for anything. Just because he isn't "beating the crap out of you" doesn't make it okay. If he hadn't changed in 10 years, then he isn't going to! By the way, there is always divorce and child support. Government help as well until you get on your feet!

Answer 6

Start making your plans and get out! No, he isn't going to change. Once a man hits you, he will continue to hit you. And you DO NOT deserve to be hit by him or anyone else for that matter. A slap across the face IS abuse! Don't put up with it, you don't have to. Not only is the abuse destroying your marriage, your self estemm, but what do you think this is doing to your children?? I know what it's doing. I lived 18 years with a father who abused my mother. It's the worse thing you can do to a child is to have them live in a home where there is abuse. It forever lives with them and affects their mental health. They WILL blame themselves for his abuse towards you. You really need to get out of this marriage. Take your kids and spare them from this kind of life. It's not only you who is suffering here, it's your children as well.

Answer 7

I would start on a plan to get out now and worry about his progress later. If he gets his life straight then you can use the money elsewhere if he doesn't then you will have already started and be on your way out of there. If things do work out for you and he finds out what you have been doing then don't hide it and tell him that you feared for your life and that should be good enough for him if he is better. I always felt that if I had to hit the woman I was married to then I shouldn't be married to her, I was probably raised different. Good luck and be careful.

Answer 8

Staying in a ‘violent’ relationship certainly isn’t something I would recommend to anyone. It may only be a ‘hit’ but what happens if he happens to have something in his hand at the time?

I don’t know about ‘medications’ for controlling anger problems. There are ‘Anger Management Courses’ that a counsellor may be able to recommend.

Counselling may be able to help him, especially if it contains a component for the Anger Management, but I suspect your husband perhaps wouldn’t be prepared to take the counselling seriously. I suspect that if you suggest he needs to undergo counselling, it will only lead to more violence against you.

If your husband has threatened to kill you, then you had best get out of the relationship before he gets the chance to do it.

If you have concerns for your safety when it comes time to pack your gear and leave, it may be an idea to approach the police in your area and explain to them that for safety reasons you need to leave your husband; and ask them to accompany you whilst you go to gather your personal belongings.

If you have any family and friends who can help you by putting you up for a while, then you should find that helpful. Otherwise, you may like to see what Emergency Women’s Shelters are available in your area. Perhaps Organisations like the YWCA may be able to give you some help or advice.

As far as the counselling is concerned, you could perhaps suggest to your husband after you have left him that if he wants you back, he will need to prove to you that he is worthy of your love, and that he will do what ever is necessary to ensure that he never again makes any treats against your safety.

I hope I have been of some help to you.
Good luck with getting out of that dangerous situation !!!

Answer 9

I think you should just find a way out. If he hasnt changed within the last 10 years then he's never going to change. You could do better. I dont think any woman should put up with mental and physical abuse. Look there's alot of ways you could get help. Just bcuz he makes the money it doesnt mean you cant move on with your life. Go online and try to look up places that offer help to woman with domestic violence. That man deserves you. If you dont get out now, things could get worst. He could even kill you. You have to think about your life and your kids. You dont want them to stay without a mom, do u? So stand up for yourself and go look for help. There's a god!! He will help you if you help yourself. Good luck....

Answer 10

You are in the classic abused wife situation. Of course you should leave him!!! He won't change unless he sees a need to change! Leave now! Contact your local dept. of human services, they can provide you with financial, and legal assistance. There is low-cost housing available, even if it's only temporary for you, until you get on your feet. The abuse will only continue if you stay. If you leave, there's a chance he will want you back enough to try counselling. But what are you waiting for? The abuse to get worse? Do something about it now, don't just tell him what you're going to do.