loved him for 24 yrs still do.......he cheated and is gone now....i feel lost and alone.......im 42 with 4 children.....i work 2 jobs to stay afloat..im not into bars and have lost my selfconfidence.....how do i deal with all this?
2006-10-14 03:58:14 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Find someone for a fling! this will solve 2 problems
2006-10-14 04:21:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you're having a tough time and doing the best you can. They say you have to treat it like a death, the bad thing is you probably still have to see this man on occasion. I hope that he is giving you child support so that you don't have to work all the time. You will feel alone since you were part of a couple for so long. It also seems like friends don't know how to cope so they aren't as helpful as they should be either. Try to get involved in something that makes you feel good and as you heal the world around you will appear better. Self confidence is hard to get back but it's still there just not asserting itself at the moment. Bars would be a bad place to look for any kind of companionship but the grocery store may not be. Take care of yourself, if you are overweight start a walking program or join a gym. Make sure that you eat healthy. Your husbands cheating had to do with him and what he felt he needed at this stage of his life. Most divorces occur because of something not working right in the marriage and needs 50/50 cooperation to fix your husband chose the easy way out.
2006-10-14 11:09:58 · answer #2 · answered by oldmomma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay as busy as you can. Do things that you once enjoyed that he might of not liked to do. Start dressing up everyday so you will feel your best. Have some time with yourself and also be the best mommy you can be. It is rather sad where you cannot depend on a husband that is going to be there until death do you part. I try to tell the young people now that there is no guarantees when you get married. You are still young and there are plenty of men out there and yes there are some that will except your 4 children as well. Stay strong try to stay away from him as much as you can. You should only talk to him if it has something to do with your children. Act as though it is starting to not bother you. Eventually you will find that it is good to be alone and have freedom. I know all of this because of past experiences my first husband left me for another woman.
2006-10-14 12:21:56 · answer #3 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so very sorry this has happened to you. My heart goes out to you. Try to concentrate on your children. Thats all that you can do at this point. Don't try to get involved in a relationship right now. It's too soon. If you need to talk, talk to a close friend, your pastor or go to counseling if at all possible. It's going to be rough, I know. But you didn't do anything wrong here. Remember that. He chose to cheat and move on. But I'm sure the pain is hard to bare. Be proud of who you are and that YOU are there for your children.
2006-10-14 13:14:55 · answer #4 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how long you have been alone..first look after yourself, if you are overweight, loose some weight, change how you look. How old are your children..they come first, enjoy what they do but still leave time for yourself. You will benefit from talking to women who have gone through a similar experience. Maybe go to the library and get a book about life after marriage.
2006-10-14 11:03:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get out. It doesn't have to be to bars. Go out with friends to the movies, coffee, lunch. Anything you can think of to occupy your time. What you DONT do is sit home and ponder about your lost marriage. That wont get you anywhere. Is he paying child support? If he isn't, get it done. Maybe a little vengeance will help you feel better. ;)
2006-10-14 11:02:37 · answer #6 · answered by JC 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
its hard for us to admit it but certain things do scar us mentally in life and that's just the way it is... my advice is see the scar and admire it as a wound you survived and move on with your life the best you can... that scar is a permanent trait of your character now... you can use it as "oh poor me" or "I'm a survivor" ... you gotta be strong and move on ...only other option is to sit idle and get nowhere... the world has 6.6 some odd billion people on it... you can meet Friends and possibly a new partner easier than you think.
2006-10-14 11:09:13 · answer #7 · answered by 411sponge 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
time helps to heal , sorry you have been through a rough time. entertainment can be found on your computer , in your 360. it will give ya someone to talk to and even get your confidence built back up there. it is a start anyway and gets your mind off so much of what you went through. don't meet just any ol' body who pops up there , there are alot of sick o's out there. but it does give ya confidence again to start on! good luck.
2006-10-14 11:04:48 · answer #8 · answered by ~just_jd~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just think that its his lost, just try to be the best mom to your children and seek God. its quite a good time to read your bible rather than try to seek another partner. i can assure you, you can find the best partner in the bible. God knows what's best and good for us, and He is always calling us, maybe this is your calling. try to listen to praise songs too. it helps a lot. having and knowing God's love for us is the best love of all, no one can take it and it wont go away.
2006-10-14 11:21:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only a little time will help heal and regain your self confidence...
Read my other answer... hold your head up girl and go for it...
2006-10-14 11:03:32 · answer #10 · answered by RiverRat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋