Please!!! help me. I feel crushed . How do I cope with this? I can't run away from this, I can't face this.

Question

I went to my dad's office yesterday, and fiddling on his computer, I found out that he's been visiting X-rated sites thru his office comp.

At that time, I was shocked, but my first impulse was to download ccleaner, and remove all traces of this activity. Like, its not as if I don't watch porn, but I am good at covering my tracks , and He's not, and I was worried about him getting into trouble. ( At 58, he has another 2 years to go before retirement, been married 26 years.) I am 17 and my sis is 22.

But later, I visited some of the sites and confirmed my suspicions-- Many of them were fronts for "female escorts". Ugh.

What do I do? He might be cheating on my mom, notto mention spending money that he should be saving on costly sluts.

But what can I do? I am REALLY NOT comfortable discussing this with either my mom or dad, and am trying to convince myself that it must be his assistant or someone else who is using the comp when he's not there to stop them. But that's rather unlikely.

My mom is a home maker, can't get herself a job, I am not yet in a position to support her.


Like. I have always been afraid of my father, there was a time, when I used to stutter in his presence. I really really am very disturbed even thinking of talking to him about it.


I could go to his comp. and install some sort of blocking software net nanny, cyberpatrol without telling him, hell, even using the internet explorer adult content block could help.

He's rather unlikely to ask the maintenence ppl to remove that.

Should I do that?

Ther's times when he comes back late from office, and she waits, so they can have dinner together. And that son of a ***** is cheating on her. I hate him.

I was NOT snooping, but the autocompletefrom his Internet explorer just blabbed to me, okay!

I wish I had not gone to his office anyways. I was hoping to get a lift back home, and saw his new comp and knowing that his company has got its leased line, orwhatever, which gives killer speed, I decided to surf a lil bit.

I am like totally cool with the porn thing. Its those other sites I mind, but I don't think I will ever talk to him on that issue. Even writing about it makes me shudder. Like I am so totally not gonna talk about it. My sis is no good, she's indiscreet.

Ehm. Here I am, blabbing family secrets on the internet, and I am calling her indiscreet. But she would probably blurt it out in anger during an arguement, cos they really don't see eye to eye on lots of matters.

And, by the way, they were local escorts, with little or no porn on the site.

Some of the captions on the site were like, " Best way to fight desire is to succumb to it- Our MD ,so and so"

Answer 1

He is 58..... he has the right to do what he wants... You have no idea if it is him... or someone else using his computer. Also, it really is not the place for one of his kids to discuss something like this with him... especially if you do not have a relationship like that....
How embarrassing!
No do not erase anything on his computer....
Just because a man visits porn sites does not mean he is cheating.

I personally find the sites disgusting..... but I am not here to judge anyone who visits them....

Answer 2

Most men do this to whatever extent they know how and think they can get away with, whether it's getting hardcore porn from the internet, or just flipping channels on the TV looking for pretty women. Heck, you do it.

Those escort ads have stuff in them to look at that, and that's all the vast majority of men looking at them will do: look. It's as far as they care to go, really. They're just there for the free porn. If the worst he browses are escort ad sites, you probably don't have anything to worry about.

If the sites are all local, though, that might be different, but would still most likely be just a basis for fantasy. All-in-all, if the only sign of infidelity you see is web browsing, there probably isn't any.

UPDATE: They ARE local? Whoah!
Just to give him the benefit of the doubt, hit Ctrl-H and look at the browsing history. You can then see when the pages were last viewed and get a better idea of how he got to them - whether he was seeking them out to begin with or stumbled on one and looked up the rest out of amused curiosity. I'll admit, though, it doesn't sound good.

Maybe confont him indirectly. Ask him which of his coworkers was browsing escorts on his computer. Watch his reaction. Heck, since it's a new enough computer the sites could well have been browsed by whoever set it up for him, so it's still not a sure thing. The browsing history should tell you the timing. If you can find out when he got it that could actually eliminate him as a suspect. Good luck.

Answer 3

Geez, that's alot for a 17 year old to have to deal with. Talk to your sis. At 22 she could have some ideas and together you could figure something out. If not, is there another close adult you can go to? I suggest not worrying about trying to mend your parents marriage. Most woman suspect before anybody else knows anyway. You don't say why your mom can't get a job. Is she disabled? Maybe she already knows and either puts up with it or doesn't mind as long as he stays with her. (Yes, some women have such low self esteem they would rather live this way.) I would also put a block on his computer. If he doesn't know how to fix it, it could work for a little while. It won't stop him though. If he is determined he will find other ways around it. Men are just pigs and they don't care who they hurt. Most of them only think with their D****. It's sad but true. I wish you lots of luck.

Answer 4

"cleaning" his computer can save hs job and his retirement as this is a "zero-tolerance" issue in most companies ... delete the porn links on his "Favorites" list, or better yet delete the entire favorites list so he has to recreate it from scratch, that will keep him busy on more productive activities. I would not tell him because if he thinks the corporate IT dept did it, he will be unlikely to do it at work again.

setting blocks may be good, but to install a "nanny" program or any other software may alert the company to his activities and that you DONT want to do. if he shoots himself in the foot by questioning the IT dept, thats his stupidity, but minor adjustments to his permissions wont send any flags to anyone other than himself. you are a good son/daughter and are only looking out for his employment welfare. you dont need to turn this into a confrontation at this time and for all concerned, the less said, the better.

on the other side of that coin, he might have been looking at porn to "charge his batteries" for your mom when he got home. in any case, the workplace is definitely NOT the place to surf for porn

Answer 5

I do not envy your present position and can understand your hurt. However ,at this point in time remember that you are not absolutely sure that your father is using a social escort service. So your emotions are based purely on your suspicions..

Reflect on whether his habits have changed, his time coming home consistent as before, he demeanour to wife and family unchanged....
This is a part of life and millions go through this "phase". Nobody can or should sit in judgment on this man. There are so many unknown things, so many uncertainties.

Take heart, focus on the positive side , discuss with trusted friends to gain more insight and understanding and do not leave your sister out of it.

Good luck and hope all turns out well for you and family.

Answer 6

Your father is a ba$tard, and your mom probably knows that he's cheating honey but is probably afraid of him as are you. This is a bad situation and you bringing it up to your dad could make it worse as he could easily lie to you and say it must've been someone else or intimidate you to lying for him, so go with your gut and block the pervert from that porn. He's not only cheating but putting you guys in financial trouble too. Hes a jerk. Pretty soon you'll be old enough to get the F out.

Answer 7

You are suffering and deeply hurt from what you should not have been fiddling with in the first place. But now, you must see someone you trust to vent your feelings, the school counselor, your minister, or a trusted (I emphasize trusted) adult friend SUCH as a trusted teacher. Your dad, like all people in the world, has his weakness, understand that he isn't perfect, and neither is anyone. Accept and love your dad, but not his weakness, after all has he not honored you? Yes, your mom would also suffer if she found out, and perhaps she already knows (there are tell-tale signs)...women are smart and they can detect such things. Take care and God bless.

Answer 8

WOW, do I feel your pain!

If you do not mind I will be praying for you and your family.

This is a family issue and there is no easy answer for you. I admire your concern for your family.

I don't know how to advise you except please seek out a good and discreet family counselor. You may even be able to talk to someone online.

There are many support groups out there and you can search for most of them online. Do not settle for any type of help until you feel good about the person or people trying to help you.

You do not have to run from this. You can face this. You are strong enough to reach out for help. That means you have what it takes to face this even though it is very hard.

Please do not be discouraged. Be encouraged. Your father is wrong and you need to get some help. Please seek counseling.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 9

Ok... believe it or not a lot of men download porn just to pass time away.. dont mean they act on it... like reading a magazine..also his wife might know he does it and have no problems with that cos she trusts him. Id say she knows him more then u do and some things a daughter is not privy to..and i think u forget that ur parents sex lives need livening up after so long..if u got married and was for so long dont tell me u wuldnt read a magazine and dont tell me ur husband wuldnt know u did.

Answer 10

you could start up a conversation right at the dinner table with all your family... start it like ... the other day a friend of mine was using her Dad's computer and accidentally found out that he was on pornographic sights and that is just wrong...her mom and dad are very happy together.... what would make him go to those sights and look at those type of people... you being a man dad... why do men do these things... I can see single men doing them ..but not married ones... any ideas Dad...