We looked at engagement rings for mos. & I picked one & he said he wanted to be engaged by Christmas. The ring was coming by mail & a week ago he decided he's not sure now if we should go through w/ it & the frickin' ring came yesterday & now he's sending it BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(SCREAM) I've tried talking about it w/ him to understand or calm his fears or whatever to no avail. & so now what?!
2006-10-14 03:34:45 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
There's nothing you can do. He's freaking out about getting married. Give him some space, and some time, and let him work it out on his own. Anything you do to try to pressure him will make it worse. Don't bug him, don't call him, just leave him alone for a while. He'll come around.
2006-10-14 03:37:51 · answer #1 · answered by Bad Kitty! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, sadly but actual to your benefit and future well being, if I were you I would take this as a sign that this might just never have been meant to be.
You did the right thing in trying to talk to him, it failed, and now its's time to step back and look at the picture as an outsider.
If there is hesitation in a situation like this? Always stop what you are doing and re think it. He has hesitated and is feeling this may not be the right thing to do. At least he is honest in not having gone through with this, and told you much later.
I would just tell him that you would like to continue seeing him, on terms of friendship at this point, rather than intimacy, until he can decide if this is what "he" wants. In the meantime, both shall be free to date others and then, I would not call him, except to return his calls, and whether I dated or not, I would definetly give him the impression that I am dating.
If he loves you, and really wants you, then he will feel some sense of loss and jealousy actually and rethink his position on this engagement thing. Who knows, you may actually find out that you find more enjoyment with others or find a special one and thank the "ex" for having stopped you both from making a big mistake
I know this is not what you want to hear or do. But, his head is not in the right place, not now and I would look at myself and my future sitting around waiting for "him" to make up his mind, while having no life outside of just him. This can be lonely and end up emotionally damaging to you.'
Put yourself first, not him, at this point you must get on with your life. Enough time has been spent with this "jerk" and now its time to move on. Stop the intimacy in your relationship if he still wants to see you, in other words, don't give him the benefits of a "wife" without the commitment any longer. He made a committment to you and has broken this. That should tell you something.
I was in the room, getting ready for my marriage when I suddenly called my girlfriend and told her that I didn't "think" I really wanted to do this. Well, a few minutes later, in came my husband to be, and I simply caved, and whimped out, and went through with the wedding. I tried to make it a good marriage and found just days later that he was a horrible person. He changed like night to day. I was miserable for 15 years, until he actually passed away.
Please don't do the same thing, with your "ex" being the one to feel he has made a committment he wants to "waite" on. Let him wait, and move on. Better you cope with the hurt now, then go through what I did for all those years. You'll have children, a home, and think you have a life, then there would be the day he walks in and tells you, "He made a terrible mistake and is leaving you."
Words of wisdom and experience. Move on.......
Good luck
2006-10-14 04:02:37 · answer #2 · answered by avalm@sbcglobal.net 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I'm sorry. In many ways, I understand what your going through. My best advice is don't let him feel rushed, sounds like he is doing the freaking out bit which is normal. If you have more patience than I do, then just let time take its course. Even though you both have put time into this, maybe a bit more time is good. Trying to calm him down and talk things through is great, but maybe he needs to think it out himself, and once he does, hey he's all yours. Stinks that the ring you want is being sent back, you were so close! I wish the very best to you!!
2006-10-14 03:54:43 · answer #3 · answered by Colleen S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first thought was: Ouch! I would be really angry and hurt if I were you. But then I realized I don't know the situation. Maybe something happened between then and now. Maybe you two have been fighting non stop. Maybe you haven't been dating that long and he got caught up in the moment and ordered the rings and he has since come to his senses. If you need some real insight on this situation, you have to provide some real details.
2006-10-14 03:40:24 · answer #4 · answered by Chris D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriends an idiot and a chicken! So he tells you he wants to get engaged, picks out a ring, and when it arrives changes his mind and sends it back? You deserve better! Drop him like a hot potatoe!
2006-10-14 03:42:01 · answer #5 · answered by Xelium 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would be pissed. REALLY PISSED. but you can't force an engagement. Just give him some time. Maybe seeing the ring made it too real for him. It probably just wigged him out some.
2006-10-14 03:37:18 · answer #6 · answered by tigweldkat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is just not sure....marriage can be very scary for a guy. Or, maybe he is playing with you so he can suprise you with a proposal. I know it is hard to wait and be patient, but if you really want to marry him, you need to hive him a little bit of space. Guys are just different....they need to pull away sometimes to think about things, and we need to let them do it. If he sees that this doesn't bother you, he will think, "OMG, I need to hold on to this one!" and come runniing back.
2006-10-14 03:43:28 · answer #7 · answered by tallnfriendlyone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're more interested in missing out on the ring than you are on missing out on him. Maybe thats why hes getting cold feet.
2006-10-14 03:37:21 · answer #8 · answered by Ink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be patient and tell him that its okay but you shouldnt be acting like that. But you don't have to listen to me. Follow what you want to do. I'm just giving you some advice, you don't have to take. My advice is to do what you want. And don't let him slip away. I've made a similar mistake and you really should work it out.
2006-10-14 03:39:17 · answer #9 · answered by Nicole F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bake him a special sweet potato pie...lol But really I would not go through with it myself because it seems like he dont want to marry you. I would not want someone to marry me and than regret it because I talked them into it...it wil really hurt in the end...think about yourself now
2006-10-14 03:37:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋