I'm Having trust issues...my wife walked out last year saying she wasn't sure what she wanted anymore, she was gone for 3 months. This year we have moved into a new home, I have a new job and things seem to be going well, but I keep worrying she will go again and feel myself starting to brace for it...preparing for another split...how can I learn to trust her again, ive spoken to her and she says shes not going anywhere and not to worry...but if she done so once...help!
2006-10-14 03:00:35 · 26 answers · asked by Neil M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have to learn to trust her if you want the marriage to work. I don't know the circumstances for her leaving, but she must have had a reason. Hopefully the two of you have talked that out and dealt with it. If you haven't then you need to. It will forever be hanging over your heads and your marrige. Doubt, fear, and trust will put a burden on this marriage. Counseling will help if you feel you need to get more input. This has to be dealt with or the marriage is going to fall apart. Open communication is essential at this point. She will feel that you don't trust her, you will feel the burden of not trusting her and it will become out of control in the end if it is not taken care of asap. Good luck to you....
2006-10-14 06:39:20 · answer #1 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my fiance did something so long ago and i wanted to be with him so excepted it and i got over it as well as i did something that he was very upsett about, but we learned to foregive each other so in some ways we have learn to trust again but every now and again we do, show a lil jealousy gesture's like, because he was out of work and i was going to work everyday i would call home and if he wouldn't answer then i would be mad when i got home, but wouldn't say why and later on it'll come out wrong, meaning: i would wait until an arguement would start and then mention the fact that he didn't answer the call and then he would then know that i was annoyed by the fact of him being home and me not knowing what's going on at home and then once i think about it then i would be samrt and say " I know he wouldn't bring nobody in my house because my kids here. But it's something that everyone really has to work on because it's not easy, but one thing I've always said is that if u acted like u forgave the person then u know u need to alos leanr how to forget so that u don't bring it up any more because that does effect the relatisonship. If u forgave i know for a fact it's hard to forget but if u FORGAVE u need to really try because what's the point of trying again. U had the choice and no one made u do anything and u shoose to stay so now that everything is back to normal then try your best to really make it back to normal. It's all a learning process, God's testing u to see how strong u are and how u can move on from the past, so try and do just that move on, If u let her back in you're life then that something that u was willing to work to be together. Good luck!
2006-10-14 04:21:47 · answer #2 · answered by the real deal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you asked her why she left in the first place? You say she wasnt sure what she wanted anymore,,, perhaps it was boredom? It seems to me that she would not have moved into a New Home with you if she wanted to go again. Try not to keep asking her if she is leavingI, know its hard. I have been there. You both need to trust each other.. You dont say how long you have been married .Most marriages have a rough patch.Tell har you feel a bit insecure I hope she will put your mind at rest. It s so easy to take each other for granted and a marriage gets into a rut. Spoil her now and again... How about renewing you marriage vows and if you can afford it have a party!!You must love her very much... Good Luck.x
2006-10-14 03:22:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop all the worry you are doing yourself no favours.No matter what you have no control over another person and what they choose to do. If she has done it before than yes she could do it again...but even if she hadnt there would always be the chance that she might. You have excepted her back into your life and Im sure that she is trying hard to make it up to you. She cant change what has happened but Im sure that she has learnt that alot from it. She said she wasnt sure if she wanted you, so now thats she is back does this not show that she realises that she loves you and that its you who she wants....How can you not trust her she told you how she felt and the reason she was leaving.She was honest with you.You are feeling insecure and this is totaly understandable....but dont waste time waiting for something bad to happen start to enjoy your life togehter. Look to the future instead...there are no guarentees in life and some times its painful.....but happiness is ours if we want it.
2006-10-14 20:49:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you live every day as a bonus? It's not worth worrying about something that might not happen. The problem is, if you think it's going to happen then your body language and actions could push her into leaving again anyway. If doubt is always getting the better of you, you may as well call it a day now before you are both to old to start a new life with someone else. What you have to remember is that she came back to you! She didn't have to! Good luck!
2006-10-14 03:07:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sound like she thought about it fo three months an decided she wanted was to stay with you , obviously, because she returned.Lucky for her, you were still there waiting. I can understand the uneasiness you feel about a possible repeat situation, this is causing you to have a feeling of insecurity. There is no way to predict it. You need to give her another chance, and never bring it up again ,or she probably will have to leave because you will drive her away with this if you keep holing it over her head.
2006-10-14 03:20:39 · answer #6 · answered by ptt_pntr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suppose it depends on how long you have been married. Why did she leave - was there a third party involved? It is hard to regain trust in a relationship once it has been broken.
I suggest that you have a heart to heart and find out exactly what is on her mind and do not be afraid to ask her what she wants, even if you dont like the answer. My thought is that she really owes you an explanation. good luck
2006-10-14 03:08:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust and friendship is the foundation for a solid marriage. However these two mentioned has to be earned. You took her back so it is obvious that you still love and have some trust in her. Life is too short buddy, if she is giving you no reason not to trust her then enjoy your life now with her. Stop worrying about what if.
2006-10-14 04:03:38 · answer #8 · answered by battimamzelle_s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing 14 years ago. Even though she's never given me a reason to think that she'd cheat on me again, I still don't trust her. I doubt that I ever will. I've just learned to live with it.
2006-10-14 03:16:25 · answer #9 · answered by S K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your concerns are genuine she will go whether you like it or not. However, you cannot accept her back and feel this way as trust is the basis of all relationships. Suspicion and doubt will tear you up inside. I know it is difficult, but set your doubts aside and throw everything you have into the relationship. If you split then you can truly know you did your bit.
2006-10-14 03:06:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋