Are second marriages apt to be more successful because presumably people have learned from earlier mistakes or are those mistakes replicated in the second marriages? If people had difficulty keeping a first marriage intact, does that necessarily mean that they lack the necessary conflict resolution skills?
2006-10-14 01:48:19 · 16 answers · asked by Jo 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Unfortunately the divorce rate for 2nd marriages is higher than for first. Its sad, but not all people learn from their previous mistakes.... and alot of them refuse to admit that their first marriage failed because of anything THEY did... its always the ex's fault.... so no lessons learned there. This is my first marriage,... but not my husbands. I'd like a dollar for every time I heard him complain about his ex... and how he was the "model husband".... I don't know his ex-wife, but now I live with him and can see why she did some of the things he complains so much about....and I can see where he contributed to the failure of his previous marriage... and sometimes it seems he's working hard at repeating his performance...and even though I've tried hard to sensitively point these things out, he's refused to admit that he can wrong about anything.
People also carry more baggage into a new relationship when they've had failed marriages. We walk into it on guard and defensive,... and it's too easy to look for the negative similarities instead of the positive differences. Remember, even if none of these things are issues for you, if you spend too much time looking at statistics instead of concentrating on your relationship, you may be setting yourself up for failure when there's no need for it.
2006-10-14 02:09:30 · answer #1 · answered by just_me3575 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of all the weddings I have ever been to or been a part of the wedding party...all except one have divorced. Those are all first marriages.
I think the more important factor is whether or not two people are compatible, have the ability to communicate rationally, are able to balance each other out (maybe one type A to a type B/calm to spaz etc.), pick the battles so everything doesn't have to turn into a drama fest, and feel a genuine love for each other that is far more important than anything else.
Nevermind the statistics, if two people want to make it work, then it is entirely possible. Good luck!
2006-10-14 09:02:08 · answer #2 · answered by always_cookin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. It all depends on what the reasons was for the divorce in the first place. I mean if they got a divorce because of their drinking problems and never seen their drinking as a problem they would probably bring it into their new marriage. But then again if they got a divorce because of something their ex had done or a habit she wouldn't break then unless you have the same habit or problems she had chances are things would be alright. See what I mean?
2006-10-14 09:22:51 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on the people. My parents were each married 3 times before they got the right person. My fathers infidelity was the issue there. It broke up 2 of his marriages, but he remained faithful to the 3rd and they were married 18 yrs, when he passed away. My mom has been married 19 years now. So it depends on what you make it. Learn from the past, don't live in it.
2006-10-14 08:57:57 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe there is any greater/lesser probability that a second marriage will be more successful than a first and only. Every marriage is unique in and of itself. My husband and myself were both married before. It took a long time before either of us were willing to "make that mistake" again. However, we did, and we have been together now almost 20 years.
2006-10-14 08:55:42 · answer #5 · answered by Working Mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People say the 2nd time around should be better, but if you select
the same type of mate as before w/ similar traits, your interactions
with them may be the same as before. If you've adjusted your attitude toward the problems you had in the 1st marriage then you are ready for another one. But if you didn't learn anything from the
1st marriage, you will repeat similar mistakes.
It doesn't matter if you say you did nothing wrong. If you say this you are lying to yourself. A marriage takes 2 people. And you both bring issues to the table. If you haven't improved yourself, you bring problems. The same for your mate.
Thanks !
2006-10-14 08:56:31 · answer #6 · answered by anitababy.brainwash 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't speak for all but this is the second marriage for both my hubby and I and even after 15 years it's awesome. We both got married young the first time was married to the wrong peeps learned from our mistakes. what's funny is that we had both said we'd never marry again learned not to say never LOL
2006-10-14 09:04:31 · answer #7 · answered by sshhorty2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I myself can't give much of an answer, because I have never been married. But one would think the probability for success would depend upon the couple involved. If both partners are willing to work at it, then maybe, just maybe, the chances for success would be much better.
2006-10-14 09:18:10 · answer #8 · answered by Mike M. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I saw this statistic one time and I am not sure if I remember it exactly, however I believe the divoice statistic for all marriages is now over 50%, for the situation that you describe it maybe something like 80%. Now I do not know why this is, but third marriages are even higher failure rate.
2006-10-14 08:52:48 · answer #9 · answered by victorschool1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think they lack resoloution skills. It just means they haven't met the right person.
I think if two people meet each other and they really are the right person.Their marriage will last no matter how many times they have been married before.
2006-10-14 09:02:05 · answer #10 · answered by Phil h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋