Should i wait for him to want to marry me? or forget about getting married?

Question

I have known my partner for about 11 yrs now. we have a 10yr old and we have lived together for almost 8yrs now. I love him and he says he does too. But refuses to marry me. He said he doesnt believe in it and said most of the marriges in his family have not worked out and end up in a divorce. I dont know what to think. we are not a perfect couple we have our arguments but we get over them. I love him and i want to marry him, and he knows this. But i dont think its important to him or that he cares. Im starting to lose hope and it breaks my heart. I feel insecure and believe that there is something wrong with me or he just doesnt love me the way i love him. sometimes i feel he thinks I am not the one. Should i wait for him to want to marry me? or forget about getting married and stay with him regardless? Im so confused!

Answer 1

I was with my boyfriend for 11 years too (no children though). I thought we were happy, in love, and even thought we would get married one day. Well, I finally sat him down to have "the marriage talk" this past June 18th. As we were talking and I was about to bring up marriage, the conversation took a strange turn. We both realized that our lives were going to two totally opposite directions and we never saw it happening. Instead of talking about our lives together, we began talking about our lives apart. We broke up that day and though I still miss him very much, it was the right thing for us. I never even considered the relationship ending- ever. We never fought or argued until after we broke up and he was moving out. I was so wrapped up in the idea of marriage that I didn't see that the relationship was gone already. I guess my point is, don't get so caught up in the idea that a piece of paper and rings will change your life. If it is that important to you maybe you should step back and see why it isn't as important to him. Maybe he is scared that a piece of paper will change you or the relationship. Most people that have been together with their partner for over 7 years and then decide to get married, wind up in divorce with in two years. That is a scary statistic. He may think that if something is not broke, why fix it.

Answer 2

Girl, he won't marry you no matter how long you wait! You taught him how you want to be treated, and he is doing this. You have lived with him and had a child with him - those told everyone in big, bold letters that you didn't care for the value of marriage, so what the heck are you complaining now for? You made your choice, now you literally live with it. You should not be confused at all - it's what you chose.

Answer 3

i really feel for u it hurts when marriage is important to u but your partner thinks differently. i have recently been through this with my ex for 9 years i waited we bought houses had 2 children but he still would not even get engaged. we have recently separated and a few months ago he told me that if he knew how strongly i felt about it and that it would come to this he would have asked me. some guys just dont view it as important u need to tell him how important it is to u, dont end up like me please. as little girls we assume we will become wives
i felt like it was something i had dreamed of since i was a child and it was supposed to happen one day.i also felt there was something wrong with me and that my man was waiting until someone better came along to ask them. but i can assure u you its not true its just the way we feel. i felt he had rejected me.
so please sit down tell him u understand how he feels about marriage and then ask him to listen why it is so important to you.
maybe u could come to an agreement that u will get engaged and leave it at that. i know in my situation it would have made me happy to just be engaged.good luck

Answer 4

i have been with my fella for 20 years and have 4 kids and we are still not married ,part of it was money but also my mum has been married 2 times as well as other relationships in between and i think that is what put me off but now we are going to get married next year but going to go abroad and do it ........there still is hope just don't pester him to much

Answer 5

ok ask him for the truth he may be afarid that it wont last but tell him that you know in your heart that it will. or just tell him him that you are good enought to live with but not marry why not tell him how much this hurts you and that you want to talk about this because it is improtant to you and this would also make your child fell like they have a real family

Answer 6

I dont understand how can you have live in relationships-its so insecure-plz girls get married and live with a man-dont spoil your lives by living as prostitutes-being a wife will give you so many rights and security.

Answer 7

After 11 years? Im sorry but he has no intention of marrying you.

If you really want toget married to him, you need to lay it on the line, accept the decision and move on.

Answer 8

you can't wait forever. he has clearly stated that what you want (marriage) isn't going to happen. i bet you act like his wife (cooking, cleaning, sexing, etc..). forget about it. most divorces take place after 7 years so consider yourself overdue! also let's not forget the old saying "why by the cow when you can get the milk for free!!" think about it

Answer 9

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. You've already lasted longer than a lot of married couples. If marriage is your goal, then you should look elsewhere.

Answer 10

its not love its a problem to be solved. go to a parlor, start dating, pamper yourself and smile often. spend less and less time with him an more with your kid and friends. its over and you should move on.he's using you and that sounds bitter i know. but the sooner the better.take care.