My wife had an affair on me and I had found out about after it had ended. She has told me hst she wants to try to work on the marrigae and I said yes but I cannot stop throwing it up in her face all the time. If you have experienced this what have you done to not bring it up and keep quiet and work on the marriage. My wife quit going out to clubs and has been staying home. I really want this marriage to work out...
2006-10-13 22:06:41 · 13 answers · asked by ACE 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Simple man.....If you love her forgive her, if you forgive her then it is forgotten. Surely if you love someone as much as to say that you want to work on your marriage then you shouldnt be throwing it in her face. To love someone unconditionally means forgiving their wrongdoings. talk to her and tell her that you love her and you will not throw it in her face again and then simply dont throw it. She knows she messed up and she admitted it. Everyne makes mistakes and she was simply weak and fell into temptation. Help her back up when she has stumbled. Show her the love that you have for her by being able to see the good in her past the terrible mistake she made previously. But tell her if she does it again you will not be there for her again, cos she needs to know that her behaviour is unacceptable as a wife, and the only thing keeping you together is your love for her- she might want to appreciate that and think about what a good man she has. The future can only get better for you.
Cheers
Matty
2006-10-13 22:15:08 · answer #1 · answered by naughtiest_nurse_of_em_all 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no way you can save this marriage unless you forgive your wife. If you really want to save the marriage, then you need to go to counseling to work through this. You can't work through this talking to your wife about it. It only brings up the hurt and then betrayal you feel. A therapist will give you the tools you need to learn to forgive and to move on. Without it, you don't stand a chance. Your wife will get tired of you throwing it in her face and you will get tired of re-living the affair. If you want to save your marriage like you say, then get professional help.
2006-10-14 14:55:08 · answer #2 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your desire to stay together has to be greater than your desire to hurt. What you describe is inevitable. You have to make the decision not to bring it up. This is the most difficult. She may feel its over but the scar is still on your heart. Time will help a lot.
Stupid question, How did you find out after the fact? That goes a long way to showing what's really going on.
2006-10-14 07:32:37 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if she's trying then you should to....what do you want from her.....did she not say I'm sorry and trust me that it won't happen again because I've gathered from your question that this going to clubs has been a problem...Give her a chance...Quit beating her up over it...Let it go...It's ok to keep your guard up that's normal...but if you're serious about wanting it to work...Let the past stay in the past and concentrate on the future....Good Luck
2006-10-14 07:59:49 · answer #4 · answered by Mechelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I read what Matty had to say and it was right on target. You're hurting because of her action. She took away your feeling of security and trust. Let her earn your trust back, without bringing her mistake up anymore. Forgive and move foreword.
You two will be able to pull it together again.
2006-10-14 05:31:41 · answer #5 · answered by BigRed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well there really isnt a way if you truthfully didnt totally forgive her from the bottom of your heart and put it in the past. but thats just it cheating is a form of abuse and no one deserves to be treated that way nooooooo one so my advice is give it up let go and move on please it might hurt really bad trust me but imagen the future you wont have to feel bad or remeber every time you look at that face what really happened
2006-10-14 05:24:28 · answer #6 · answered by hawaiian 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love her and want ot stay together, you have to stop throwing this affair up in her face. It's hard, but if you want to stay with her, let it go.
2006-10-14 05:26:08 · answer #7 · answered by GirlsRGamers2 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you were betrayed and now she wants forgiveness
either forgive her or forget her
trying to rebuild in a battlezone is a waste of time
pray about it then make that step
if you feel you must end it then be a man and end it
if not then don't let the rear view mirror be your windshield
2006-10-14 05:57:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
These feelings seem to not go away. It's so hard to deal with, it hurts your self esteem. You need to try some couples therepy, it might work for you guys. Good Luck sweetie!
2006-10-14 05:11:06 · answer #9 · answered by joyall57 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u really want this to work,then stop bringing her affair into every discussion.if u feel like saying it,shut ur mouth and count till 100...
2006-10-14 05:09:32 · answer #10 · answered by archie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋