First off, I am not a perfect husband, but I do love my wife very dearly. My wife goes to clubs every weekend. sometimes two to three times. This really bothers me and I have spoken to her about this. I threatened to leave once. She slowed down, but is now back to clubbin regularly. She was never a clubby. I can't understand her new found hobby and she doesn't understand my new found jealousy. Guess I just want things the way they were. I am however, all for giving her space. My job takes me away from home for weeks at a time. I am sure it is a job with the kids alone. When I am home, I cater to her, doing all of the cooking and most of the cleaning..I feel that all married couples need space. I just feel that every weekend is extreme. Any responses will be helpful..
2006-10-13
21:20:49
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15 answers
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asked by
ogdry1971
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in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
you guys have given excellent advice. Most of which I will consider. For one, I am not gonna just walk out of my marriage. I have tried going out with her. I liked it, but it is just not my type of hype. She actually prefers that I not go. Her reason is because I will be the only guy in their group. She goes out with her two cousins, who are single. We have been married for 13 years. About two years ago, she found out that I was talking to someone on the internet. The conversations, though friendly and harmless, is, (what she says), led her to the change. There weren't any ties sexually or emotionally with this person(female), but I do feel that it was wrong. You guys spoke of sitting and talking, going on a outing alone, and also going out with her. All this I have done and still do regularly. As for catering to her. I don't feel obligated to do it, I like it. I want my daughters to learn that it is also a man's responsibility to do these things. At the same time, trying to show love.
2006-10-13
21:59:45 ·
update #1
Hi,
Your wife is in need, .... OF YOU!!! Your gone all the time. Your wife may be feeling abandoned. And chances are whether intentional or not she is trying to make you understand what it feels like. Not only that, myabe she is trying to make you upset, and jealous, maybe its what she needs to make herself still feel loved and wanted.
Its frustrating isnt it. Thats what she needs you to feel. You need to be empathizing with what she goes through daily. Im sure that you cant just up and change your job. I know. Its like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. But you gotta do something to turn this around. Really. The ball is in your court.
I know you think you are showing her that you love her by doing the cooking an cleaning and stuff when you are around, but that isn't what she needs. It's a lovely gesture, but its not filling the hole that was once a marraige.
And worse, she could be searching. And you know for what, I dont have to say it..And Im certainly not saying you are to blame, but a womans emotions can intricate, complex , web, and sometimes the man, whether to blame or not has to be the one to bring it all together.
There is a such thing as to much space. Sit her down, talk to her again, really talk, ask her what she is feeling. What she needs that you may not be giving to her, better yet ask her what she needs that she is finding at the club.
And you know what, like I said before, show her. Get upset, get angry, and when she is about to walk out that door, sweep her off her feet lay her down and put it on her( you know how i mean) , tell her she is not goin anywhere and make the best love to her you have made in years. When its all over, she will want to know what came over you, and just tell her, Baby I love you, I need you and Im sorry. Im sorry you feel lonely, and abandoned, and ask her what can you do. How can you guys woirk this out. Do you need counceling, and dont be ashamed..get counceling if you need to . Save your marriage. You saound so sincere, but you are on the verge of maybe losing your wife..at least emotionally. Do everything you can. Your wife and your family are worth it!
2006-10-13 21:42:12
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answer #1
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answered by RAW29 3
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hang in there right now she feels betrayed no matter how innocent the convo was on the net you were hers and you allowed another woman to enter into a no talking zone and for her to find out the way she did may have bothered her more than she is leading on or maybe there is more than what is at hand but keep it up talk to her love her show her she can trust you but at the same time when you come home you go out you tell her to watch the kids so you can go out your too focused on your wife because she found out about the net girl quit being jealous and do your thing designate a weekend for the both of you when you get home then the next weekend you and your friends go out then the following weekend her and her friends, then you, then you and her, and so forth....good luck!
2006-10-13 22:24:55
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answer #2
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answered by Debonair D 1
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There's nothing wrong with going out every once in a while with gf's but not routinely. When she caught you on the internet (although it wasn't anything) it prompted her to revert. She uses the club as a way to insolate herself against you so that she won't ever be in the position to feel hurt the way she did when she found you out. However misguided the motivation for clubbing; it has gotten out of hand. It sounds like she is addicted to the club life. It's inappropriate behavior for a mother and should you ever decide you've had enough ; you will have grounds for having her declared an unfit mother.
2006-10-14 00:36:40
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answer #3
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answered by GrnApl 6
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if this is really bothering you then u have to tell her u have had it and mean it when u say it. i know she doesn't want to spend every weekend at home with the kids and clubbing might make her feel like she is getting adult entertainment but ask her if she is ready to lose her marriage for it. she may already have a new one lined up. that's what usually happens to a girl who goes to the clubs long enough. stop being such a nice guy about it.
2006-10-13 21:42:12
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answer #4
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answered by skylinbaby 2
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bologna!!! since you are gone majority of the time when you are there she needs to be spending time with you and the kids. you know rejoining the family. club hopping is so overated. when she says that she is going out, go to the bedroom pack a bag and tell her is she goes out that you are checking into a hotel and not sure when you are coming back and tell her there is a serious issue that you guys need to get to the bottom of. seeks some professional help because it is obvious she thinks she is missing something.
2006-10-13 21:24:35
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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Well, you sound like a sweetie. I guess you just have to keep talking to her - to see that those things she is doing out on her own will be destructive to the marriage and your family. Explain that because time is tight with you away so much, that you want the weekends to be family time. I hope she learns to respect you more.
2006-10-13 23:30:42
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answer #6
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answered by Lydia 7
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Why don't you get interested in her clobbing and go with her for a while, for your marriage, would you spend more time with your wife and enjoy some of the things she likes to do. But do it in a way that you don't raise any suspicious ideas. You never know, you might like going, after all. I hope this helps... Good Luck..
2006-10-13 21:39:44
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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she's just not that into you anymore it seems...
she also needs out. Being at home with kids all day is draining. Believe me... been there done that. Now that my kids are old enough for school, I want my personal freedom back. I feel as if I lost 'me' when I got married and had kids.
2006-10-14 00:50:50
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answer #8
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answered by Jennifer L 6
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Maybe she wants out of the marriage. If you are gone weeks at a time, it can't be that she needs time alone. She should want to spend week-ends with you in this case. She obviously doesn't. She knows you hate it. Which leads me to believe that she wants out. Maybe she just doesn't want to support herself. You sound more like a convenience to her than a partner.
2006-10-13 21:27:59
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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Sometimes it is a phase we, women who are tired of our housewifey duties go through. Give her the space and be understanding. In time to come, she'll get tired and wants to come back to her place. But if she doesn't, there's more to it that meets the eye. Good luck.
2006-10-13 22:36:12
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answer #10
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answered by angelheart 2
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