Help! The father of my baby is schizo and doesn't make sense!!! Child support/Custody!!! Please help me!!!!

Question

Help me please!!! I live in Sacramento, California and the father of my baby girl is not wanting JOINT LEGAL CUSTODY OF HER AND UNSUPERVISED VISITATION RIGHTS. Mind you, he has never ever seen her, touched her, held her and she is 11 months old. He wanted me to have an abortion. He stated already in court he was giving up his rights and visitation and wanted nothing to do with us. Now he is wanting joint legal custody and unsupervised visitation. However, the crucial thing - he states he has no financial means to support a child and had no say in my pregnany he barely made 5,000 last year and doesn't think either of us is fit to be a parent. He wants to give her up for adoption or give her to my parents and for us to go through psychological evaluation, then he states again, he is not financially capable of caring for a child. Remember, he did state to the court he wanted to give up everything. See, I don't mind him have time with his daughter but he ain't getting custody cont

because of the way his actions had been. He said he would come to the birth of his daughter. He didn't. He was invited to other family events and dinners to see her. He didn't. Doesn't he sound schizo now and will the courts do a mental evaulation on him. I will not dare grant him UNsupervisited visitation because I don't know how he can handle my baby girl! WHat if he freaks when she cried? He brings her back with a dirty diaper? He doesn't know what to do? He is just very unstable and I don't trust him at the moment to be along with my baby. Any suggestions. I'm gonna fight for sole custody!! I've been caring for her since birth and I'm doing a fine good job!:)

My feeling is someone is talking to him telling him to get some sort of custody so he doesn't have to pay more child support. What do you think?

BTW-the birth control answer was unneccessary. What done is done and is insignficant. My baby is my world and I'll do anything for her. It's not about us (her father and myself) it's about her!

Oh I'm filing sole custody and offering him visitation but it's supervised and ordering him to pay child support. My lawyer say he is lucky to even get that because he wanted nothing. We have a mediation in 4 wks !!! Yikes!!!

First off, I'm gonna say. I am not on welfare or any state aid. I am providing for my daughter and myself on my own. Thankful my family does help me in many ways. I don't quality for state aid or any means. I also work p/t and fortuately and have a great company that is flexable my schdules and my daughter's. So Colleen for you to make those comments is uncalled. You really have no idea. I'm very aware of what's you can't and can do in California. He hasn't given up his Par. Rig. per se and can't. He doesn't know that. I do. However, wrote that in his declaration and it went to the court. Now his 2nd declaration he is saying he is consent what I offered. He wants joint legal custody and unsupervised visitation. I'm be damn if he gets unsupervised visitation. I don't trust him with my baby even if he is the father. He didn't want her initially. Made no attempt to meet her and he has had many chances. Never held or or anything. He'll have to take a parenting class,

psyche eva, and watch her supervised. I don't know how he'll act if he watches her. So all this has been said on declarations in which the courts has. I have a lawyer and guess what, my lawyer was also a family law judge of 18 years so I'm confident and just wanted other opinions and advice.

Answer 1

I dont think a family court judge could possibly grant him joint legal custody and unsupervised visitation if he has already given up his rights in court. I would try not to worry if I were you... he might likely change his mind again and the problem will go away on its own. Have you talked to him in person about why he is doing this? If he thinks this gets him out of his financial responsibility of supporting your child, explain to him this wont do anything of the sort. He'll have to provide everything for her while in his care (food, diapers, clothing, changing table, crib, toys, etc etc) and he doesnt have the $ to purchase all that.
P.S. Forget about the guys saying 'you know how to pick them'. I think a whole lot of women think of their ex's as psychos. I have one or two in my closet that fit that bill! Thank god I never had a child with them... a friend of mine did though (happily married until he cheated on her while she was 6mths pregnant, wanted out of the marriage until after their son was born then decided he wanted back in). He didnt provide child support for over 2 yrs!! What a creep. Sometimes we dont know until it is too late. Move on the best you can!!

Answer 2

Wow! I think I understand what's going on. Clearly, this guy is trying to get out of paying for child support. I have found that even if you are retarded you still have to pay some sort of child support. My sister in law is going thru a similar thing. The guy barely makes anything but yet he makes enough to support himself by living/rent and going on entertainment outings and paids for dating services. The court will see right through him. You are doing the right things and fight for sole custody, make up a visitation plan and get him into a parenting class. I would never leave my child with someone whom she is unfamilar with, speaking she is only an infant and he may wouldn't know what to do if she cries. Even if he is her father. Clearly, he didn't want her and trying to avoid responsiblity. Remember, Legal custody only gives him partial custody but doesn't give him rights to a say in what you do with your daughter. You have that because you have physical custody. YOu've raise her for almost a year and the courts will see that and he has no interest in her but to get out of finically means. As anyone, you are most likely just concerned and need reassurance your doing the right thing. He can't give her up for adoption, you want her. He can't order custody to your parents or anyone. She's yours! You choose to have your baby and the courts will tell him tough titti said the kitty! Good luck!

Answer 3

Something sounds at least a bit off! I would be suspicious of his motives. It sounds as if he's willing to do just about anything to renege on any financial responsibility for this child, including have you deemed unfit. Be prepared to show and proof that your not. I can't see that the court will give him any kind of rights as he has made it very apparent he has little interest in this child other than denying you custody. Make sure your lawyer is a good one, and that you've got a "Plan B". (your parents?) Hope everything turns out for you, and your daughter. The courts will rule in the best interest of the child. Whatever happens, I would avoid this man as much as possible in the future.

Answer 4

Hello...mahkeefa B,

Why do men do that? He sounds like a jerk. If he already has given up his parental rights, how can he turn around and try to get custody. That doesn't make any sense. You can prove in court that you can support you and your daughter. By what you said, he can't. I think he is trying to psych you out. Sweetie, get a lawyer ASAP! Don't allow him to change your life again. Get a restraining order as well. You or your daughter do not need him in your lives. Tell him to just get lost again. Or find a legal way to psyc him out. Sounds like you are a survivor. Good for you. Remember not to PANIC, Remember the three C's, stay Calm, Cool, & Colected and start praying like you have never prayed before in your life. I know that God is watching over you and your baby girl. I wish you the very best, and I wil pray for you too. Love yourself and love God.
Sincerely, J...

Answer 5

Crazy...
If he already stated in court that he wanted to sign over his rights, bring that up in court again when you go in for the hearing, if he said it in court, there should be record of it. Has he paid any type of child support? He shouldn't have any right to see her or have joint custody in my opinion, but I'm sure the courts will see otherwise. You do have a say, she's your daughter! Request that you or another adult that you trust be there (supervised visitation) until you feel comfortable with him having her for a weekend. I'm not sure how it works in California, but the state should help him with the psychological help he may need, and until then shouldn't have unsupervised visits. Best of luck, I hope everything works out for you, for your daughters sake.

Answer 6

I think that sounds like a very scary position to be in. But there are plenty of options out there to help you. You can contact your local social services to point you in the right direction. You can also contact some of the non-profit organizations out there. You can contact your local child support enforcement agency - they may be able to point you in the right direction. Or you can even contact a lawyer - they may be able to help. Your local Child Protection Services may be able to give some help too. You have alot of places you can start with to get advice and get moving in the right direction. A restraining order can only be filed if he has threatened you or the baby physically. If he does, contact the police immediately. There is a very good chance that you can get sole custody and supervised visitation from it. It will have to be a court decision. Unless he agrees to sign custody papers without a court hearing - many states will now allow custody papers to be signed through mediation services instead of court if both sides are in agreement. Good luck and stick to your guns - you are right, the most important one in this is your little daughter and I say kudos to you for trying to protect her and do what is best. Good luck.

Answer 7

Relax, and take a deep breath. It seems you have everything in your favor. Any court can see that he is whacked.
He said he had no say in your pregnancy, the court will understand that he did have the option of using a condom in the first place.
He doesn't have finances to care for a kid, and said that he wanted to give up everything. The court will not easily forget this and will certainly have these things in mind before handing your baby over to him unsupervised.
Find yourself a lawyer. If money is tight, go to your local courthouse and look for different options for payment plans. Even a mediocre lawyer would find this to be an easy case against your mental ex.

Answer 8

Ok, first of all in the state of California a father can not give up parental rights, that's because the courts have caught on that when a father is granted this "option" it usually means they are trying to get out of paying child support. Secondly it sounds to me as if the both of you were far too immautre to even HAVE sex let alone create a baby, so now you're going to tie up the courts with this, and if it is proven that he has no means of supporting himself let alone a child the case is going to go to welfare and the taxpayers of the state of California will be supporting that baby, and yet WE get no visitation rights. You had two very good options before you even gave birth that you SHOULD have thought of, the first was abortion, the second was adoption, so now this poor baby is going to be caught up in the middle of a squabble between two immature children. I pity that poor baby and the life it is going to have.

Answer 9

I don't blame you for not wanting him around your child he sounds like a nut. But if he does get made to pay child support more than likely if he seeks visation he will get at least that.

My husband has 2 daughters from a previous relationship and since he was never married to there mother in the state of florida if you weren't married the father has no rights to the children until he fights for them. So he pay's almost $ 700 dollars a month in child support and we haven't laid eyes on his girls in 2 1/2 years. They are now 4 and 5 we last saw them when they had just turned 2 and 3. He tried to get visation he was denied paperwork wasn't filed correctly supposively. We now have to wait until feb. to get our tax return to get an attorney b/c she always gets one an this time we don't want to spend the money to get told no again. I wish you luck and hope for the best for you and your little girl. If you want to talk more my name is Rochelle. And my email is [e-mail] .

Answer 10

It doesnt matter what he said in court if he didnt sign a document giving up his parental rights. Keep in mind if you argue this point you also will get no child support. You cannot get things both ways, if he pays child support he is entitled a certain amount of contact unless it is proven he is a danger to her. Financial reasons probably wont matterhere, plenty of people who dont make jack end up with custody. Just remember that that him saying he wanted to give up everything in court means NOTHING. good luck, he probably will get some sort of partial custody.