I need a joke or story because I have nothing to do and my diet is driving me crazy.
2006-10-13 19:14:10 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
well lets see...im pretty funny in person, but ill do my best via typing...hmmm.some lady at a fed/ex kinkos was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy.
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk.
Hope that helped!
2006-10-13 19:27:42 · answer #1 · answered by whataburger 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A farmer buys a new young rooster for his chicken coup.
The young rooster struts in, walks up to the old rooster and says, "Beat it pal! I'm the new rooster in the henhouse. Get out of here."
The old rooster replies, "Aw, come on. Do you really think you can handle all the hens in here? Look what it did to me..I'm old and weak. Just let me have the two older hens in the corner."
To this, the younger scoffedback, "Ha! Your time is up! Get lost, I'm running this place now."
After a brief pause, the old rooster said, "Tell you what. I'll challenge you to a race around the farmhouse. The winner gets complete domain over the henhouse."
Laughing, the younger said, "You're on! And just to be fair, I'll even give you a head start."
So the older took off and fifteen seconds later, the younger sprinted off after him. Just as the younger was catching up, only about five seconds behind, the two roosters rounded the front porch and out on the front porch was the farmer sitting down with his shotgun; just as he usually was at that time of day.
The farmer saw the roosters, pulled his shotgun and BLAST! Blew the younger rooster to smitherens.
The farmer spoke quietly to himself and said "Dang it, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this week."
2006-10-14 02:25:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi! My sister is 5'4 and takes a size 18 and always trying to lose weight. She bought one of those "slim suits" that take off ten lbs. She was out on her porch swing which hung by the end of the porch. It hung about 3 feet from the floor. She decided to go down off the porch to take a sun tan and thought it would be easier to jump off the swing onto the soft grass 4 feet down off the porch instead of walking around to the steps. As she stepped off, her bathing suit bottom got hooked to the swing hook and she was suspended 4 feet from the ground by her bathing suit bottom! She tried to swing forward with her body weight and the more she stuggled, her wedgie up her butt got worse. Her neighbors came outside as her suit finally snapped in half. She grabbed the 2 pieces and covered what she could and ran in the house. My sis was mortified but we all get such a good laugh out of it! She's great! Smiles to you!
2006-10-14 02:42:00 · answer #3 · answered by belladmma 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
SPIKE MILLIGAN SKETCH
Bentine: I just came in and found him lying on the carpet there
Sellers: Oh, is he dead?
Bentine: I think so
Sellers: Hadn't you better make sure?
Bentine: Alright. Just a minute
Sound of two gun shots
Bentine: He's dead.
lol
2006-10-14 02:19:28 · answer #4 · answered by froggy_hip 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I could really make you laugh in person if I could run my new break-dancing routine by you. All you would hear would be my parachute pants going swish swish swish!
I see you smiling!
2006-10-14 02:18:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yo mama is so dumb she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
2006-10-14 02:25:58 · answer #6 · answered by Arts 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
custmor : waiter there is a beetle in my soup
waiter : yes sir they are not very good swimmers.
2006-10-14 02:23:41 · answer #7 · answered by jagti2005 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
was ur father a theif.................. cause he stole the stars and put them in your eyes lol r u laughing i know it lol i knew u couldnt help but laugh
2006-10-14 02:21:28 · answer #8 · answered by jackets00008 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'll try.......
Knock knock!
A: Who's there?
Cash.
A: Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
===========================
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry! It's just me!
2006-10-14 02:17:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋