my husband passed away 1 1/2yrs. ago .i want to know when the pain will give me a break???????

Question

I've just turned 49 this month and it's killing me the thought of spending the rest of my life in this much pain...

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for your loss. The pain will always be there, but by now it should be more of little emptiness in your heart rather than still tearing up your soul. It sounds like you have developed depression, and it may be time for a little medical intervention to help your chemistry reset itself. Have you talked to your doctor about this?

Are you involved in hobbies? Have you filled your life with things that interest you? These are good ways to move your focus off your loss and help you find joy again.

Good luck. It can and will get better.

Answer 2

I probably can't give you a good answer as I've never been married but I can share my mother's experience with you.

She married a military police man and had 2 baby girls. When they were just 1 and 2 1/2 her husband was killed. By this time she had no family of her own, only her in-laws who were elderly and lived hours away. She tells me she used to cry herself to sleep every night and then have to be cheerfull for the kids.

Then she met my dad and had me and my brother. She said she has never known pain like the loss of a husband but she had to learn not to focus on it. She was still a whole person who had a life to live.

No one expects you to ever forget your husband or to even stop loving him. If you just take one day at a time then you won't see a life full of pain ahead of you.

It's been 1 1/2 years, that's not long really, but maybe it's time to stop counting and start living.

God bless...

Answer 3

Well, a year and a half is still a relatively short time, for such a loss. It won't be this hard for the rest of your life. It just feels that way right now.I hate to say give it time, but that is the only thing that will help. The only thing that helped me during a loss was trying to keep as busy as possible. And it helps to be a bit selfish, and focus on yourself, pamper yourself a little, or sleep around the clock, if that is what you feel like doing. You need to believe the sun will shine again.

Answer 4

I lost my husband in November of '98 one week before our 1st anniversary, so I know what you are feeling. I can tell you it takes a long time before you can wake up in the mornings and not have him on your mind and he not be the last thing you think about at night before you go to bed. I still think of him every day of my life, and what I remember are the good times we had together, the way he made me laugh, his strength, his kindness, and I am so grateful for having even known him and shared a part of his life. It took me three years to even think about dating again, but I knew that he would have approved because he would not have wanted me to waste my life and end up alone. Darl'n just know that things will get easier and the pain will subside....in a while you will be at peace with his death and have some beautiful memories to cherish. May God bless and keep you

Answer 5

I'm sorry about your loss. The unfortunate thing about loss is that there is no special way in which to accelerate the time you'll need to finally get "a break." What's important is that you maintain objectivity and look ahead to that break; don't let the momentum of sadness or depression get you to a hole that's even more difficult to get out of. Yes, it is going to be extremely difficult, but you have to FORCE yourself to get up, get out, and do things- everything. I'm not advocating forgetting; rather, it's important that you give yourself times to grieve and express your pain and emotions, but at the same time, you need to be proactive in your healing, for NO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT BUT YOURSELF. Find resources for you to share, vent, or just listen. Again, FORCE yourself to get up and remain active, both of mind and body, because grief is something that will kill you IF YOU LET IT. Remember times when you've made yourself do something when you really didn't feel like it, but after all is done, you looked back and realized just how much you enjoyed and/or needed it? Time seems extremely slow when you're in this much pain, and you have to remember that, as time is a huge part of what it will take to heal; it will seem like forever, and times will possibly be very trying. Try to remember what wonderful things your husband provided you, both of mind and substance, and how he would prefer to see you use that to your advantage in appreciating him and now, in remembering to appreciate yourself. Good luck.

Answer 6

Hello tlk.....My condolences to you first off.....I'm 43 years old and I lost my first daughters father in a car wreck 18 years ago on the way to our wedding....
I still cry now and then, but mostly I'm glad for the time I got to spend with him. And I have a beautiful daughter, which by the way, I had no idea I was even pregnant at the time.
I've married twice since then and divoriced twice. Not saying that you'll do this, but all is well. I still have very fond memories of my fiance. You'll get your break soon enough. Remember, you're husband doesn't want you to be sad. He wants you to live out the rest of your life happy and at peace with yourself. Please know this to be true.....
Talk to him in your prayers and he'll answer you in subtle ways that only the two of you would know.
Best of luck to you ! ! !

Answer 7

I have been a widow for 11 years and I'm only 33. the pain will lessen in time but it will never go away completely. I still miss my husband as much now as when he passed. Especially when I wake up from a dream with him in it. I expect to find him next to me, then reality sinks in and it's very very hard. You just have to keep on living. Hard but not impossible trust me. Good Luck. You'll be in my prayers.

Answer 8

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can tell you loved him very much. He was fortunate to have someone like you for a wife and life partner. Find solace in that. I don't know when the pain will leave. Wish I could help. Try not to spend too much time alone. Try getting a hobby. Oh, God. How trite I sound. Honey, I'm going to pray for you tonight. I'm not all that religious but, I believe in the power of prayer. That's the best I can do for you. Believe and it will help. I'm going to shut down this computer right now and do it. Do it with me. I hope someone will do it for me when my time comes. Know there's someone out there who listens and cares. I don't know you but, I care. Let's do it now.

Answer 9

I have never been married as I am only 20.... Im sorry for your loss.
I wish i could have better answers for u then this::

Let him go, holding on to his death will make you worse. In time it will ease off. However the pain will come and go when u think of him, and talk about him. I know you may not want to hear this... You may find someone else to fall in love with. Remember that you need to get your life bck on track. Best wishes to you

Answer 10

The pain will not give you a break. The trick is facing the situation, then grieving about your late husband, and then coping with it.

There is no easy way to do it but to cope with it, letting the healing process take its nautral course.

Sometimes it helps to seek out those who have experienced this as well as pastors or counselors that can help guide you through the process, but in order for healing to take place, the process has to be seen through.

Good luck, and my prayers are with you...