Do people who cheat or have been cheated on really think that ?

Question

this relationship can be saved and work out? I have read so many questions about cheating I am getting worried. Has this become the Normal way? You don't listen to me I will cheat. I don't get enough sex I will cheat. I am home alone I will cheat. My dinner was not ready I will cheat. I need to find myself I will cheat. Oh no it did'nt work out oh well I will "work things out with my partner" How do you work that out!? You have mentally destroyed the one you said you would love forever and I don't care how much theropy you get it NEVER goes away. It would be easier to take a beating than be cheated on especially for a man. Your trust in not only that person but all people is gone.
So tell me all of you who say "oh try and work things out....talk about it" How do you make it work? When deep down you know that you can never ever over come being cheated on.

Answer 1

Well let me give you a woman's point of view of this question and a bit of honesty about myself. I am in my second marriage. My first marriage, while was not always a happy one, and my husband had cheated on me in our first two years of marriage, I was loyal and faithful to him for the first 11 years. But things began to take it's toll on me, and the internet came along and I started going out with friends. The next thing I knew, I was as sneaky as they come. I was cheating on my husband all the time. I was having an ongoing affair with a neighbor for almost 4 years and had also been hanky pankying with guys in bars, as well as my husband's best friend. My excuse, he did it to me, and he was also still doing it to me, might I add, so I figured it was my turn to find happiness wherever I could. It went on for over 5 years this way till I knew there was nothing left between us. I fell in love with the man who is now my second husband. We have been together now almost 6 years. I make his third wife. He has cheated on his past wives also and he has been cheated on by his wives. So we have both been on both sides of the fence. It doesn't sound like it would make for much of a future, does it? But believe it or not, we have been through hell and back in our short lived relationship already, and have endured every kind of pain there is, and have still stuck it through.

The one thing that we have not done and have determined to never put one another through though EVER is to be unfaithful to one another. I have been totally devoted to this man, and I know he has been to me also. We both have learned through our experiences of the past that the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. In our case, we ended up being lucky to have each other and to have come out for the better. But it doesn't always end up that way. Cheating is NOT a way to strengthen any relationship. It only destroys it. You can try to move on from it, but the pain from it is always there.

So from whatever pain you are going through, I hope that sharing my story will bring you some comfort in knowing that there are some of us cheaters in the world who do have happy endings and aren't out to hurt our partners. If I had to do over again, I wouldn't have cheated on my ex-husband, even though I wasn't happy with him. I would have either tried staying in the marriage and making it better or else, I would have left first, then moved on to someone else.

Answer 2

There's your answer then, move on, I agree that cheating destroys a relationship completly, but I doubt that a beating would be less painful, cheating is a form of spousal abuse when you think of it, they promised they wouldn't they took an oath before God and all those witnesses at your wedding that they would be true, so emotionally they have beaten you up this is why you are having a hard time with acceptance, and I believe you are right, because once the trust is gone, there isn't much left of the marriage is there, wouldn't you always wonder every time they are late for anything, or give you an excuse on the simplest things. I say move on go with your feelings and trust yourself you will find happiness again. LOL

Answer 3

I know from experience that this is a very hard time for you. When someone betrays your trust by seeing someone else while involved with you, it is very hard to trust that person again.

People can work out their problems but it takes two people to do it. If you aren't married to this person, I would suggest that you find someone who will be willing to be faithful only to you. Do not do this at first. The first thing to do is work on you. Take your time and do not become involved with the first person who comes along.

It is easy to chose people with our heart but it is far better to look at that person with your head first. Know who they are and what they are really like before you get involved.

If you are married with children, I would suggest seeing a therapist to help you work through your issues of trust. Just because this person has cheated on you doesn't mean that you can not trust others. I know you feel that way but it just isn't so.

I wish you the best.

Answer 4

I don't really know. My husband did cheat on me. I thought we could work it out, but i could never trust him again I was always wondering if he was late from work where was he, was he seeing her again or someone else. the trust was totally gone and I don't think it was going to come back ever. We where working on it and had for a very long and hard year then he past away. I always wonder if we would have made it. My heart tells me deep down no. yes we tried to make it work because we had a small child.

Answer 5

Are you kidding??? They don't even think a B.J. is sex anymore. They call it "foolin' around" now. Oh, you'll love this one. It has become cool to have at least one "ex" so you can be one of in crowd, and be in on the gossip. The people who say "work it out" are the ones who chase cars and bark at the moon, and have no chance at all to find someone new. They would forgive a serial killer if they were married to him. Don't take any of this crap seriously, man, after all, this is NOT the top of the gene pool here, so relax and have fun, it's like Jerry Springer, except the kids are smarter there.

Answer 6

you know what? its hard because if the person u love and trust cheated on you, then the all trust is gone and is really hard to get it back and even when that person will try to do their best to make things work it would be hard for you, because u would be always thinking that they did it once so why not doing it again? but if u realy loves someone and u wanna be with that person and ur partner feels the guilt and he knows that he made a mistake and he regret that and he is doing everything to help u trust him again, then i think it can work! u need to put lo of work to it and it not going to be easy but its possible i guess. believe its not easy to just give up after the one u love cheated on you. its hurtfull....

Answer 7

I can't blame people who weren't able to restore their trust to the ones who cheated on them. It is just a normal thing to do. In some cases where couples have children, and husbands got astrayed, wives on the other hand, though struggling with hatred and resentment , still managed to work it out with the unfaithful husband. The reason is simple. She chose to forgive and let go of those hurtful feelings for the sake of their family. It doesn't come easy, but to those who overcome it, congratulations.

Answer 8

Yes I can say that is how I felt when it first happened to me. If you have kids then you tend to stay and try and make it work out because you don't want to take their father away from them. Really unless it is a great guy who won't do it again you cannot trust them as they most definitely will as they have gotten away with it before. If anything it will become worse as once a cheater always a cheater.

Answer 9

Honey in case you have already got evidence he's cheating ("So i think of my bf is cheating doing the web ingredient I do have evidence, yet he hides his "cookies" temp information which could hint what you're doing on line.. ") why could you want to proceed torturing your self searching for greater evidence? in simple terms kick him to the cut down noone merits to be cheated on. i understand its much less complicated pronounced than performed because of fact i'm specific you adore him, yet love your self greater. No guy is ever worth your tears.

Answer 10

I feel the same way you do. I could never get over my husband cheating on me. That's one of many good reasons I would never cheat on my husband. Some people don't feel the same though. There are people out there who could put it behind them (with time).