My step dad, who I considered to be more than a dad to me and who I loved dearly, died two months ago of a heart attack. It was sudden and devastating. He was the only family member that I had a special connection with and who I could talk to. He was the only member of my family I respected. I was completely distraught when I heard the news and inconsolable. It was in no way expected. I had talked to him hours prior and he was great. My mom was extremely upset as well. He was her main support for everything.
Flash foward two months later and now she is spending nearly every waking hour with this very young guy (I think he is 26 and she is 44). I'm not discouraging her from pursuing what she wants. She is an adult, even if she doesn't act like it, so she is free to do what she wants. However, I'm very hurt and struggling greatly with this internally. I even cried tonight. I don't know how to deal with these emotions. It seems so soon after something so dramatic and I feel betrayed.
2006-10-13 15:39:51 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I know I have no right to feel betrayed, but I feel betrayed for my step dad, who I think I knew better than anyone.
Anyway, does anyone have any advice on how I can deal with my feelings? I realize this is MY problem, not my mom's, so I would like any advice on how I can feel better about this. I can't imagine every accepting this guy in to my life as anything. My step dad was wise, mature, and older. I loved him so dearly. This guy is younger than my husband! Any real advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.
2006-10-13 15:41:23 · update #1
My only question is this: have you discussed your feelings with your mom? At least then you will have expressed your concerns about the situation and gotten some of it off of your chest. And it may be your problem, but maybe there's an underlying problem with your mom as well. If she depended on your step dad for so long, maybe she's just lonely and needing some companionship. Either way, if you do decide to talk to your mom, try to be open minded, listen to what she has to say, try not to accuse, and try not to be negative. I know that's easier said than done, but I think if you pick the right time and place, everything will be ok. Maybe even make a day of it. Take her out to lunch, go to the mall, and just work it into the conversation. Start by asking her an open ended question. Whatever you do, I wish you luck!
2006-10-13 15:48:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for you. I can never imagine being in your position, how hurtful it can be. Why don't you go with your friends and those who loved your step dad? Friends do really help.
Is your mother the type who tries to cover her grief by throwing herself into a relationship, finding someone to fill the gap? Even so, most would agree that you have others to think about. Perhaps something can be worked out concerning that.
2006-10-13 15:42:25 · answer #2 · answered by Tet 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to remember that your mother is doing what is making her happy. Also think that your step father wouldn't want your mom to be unhappy. This new man is in no way replacing your step father. Maybe you can seek some counseling to help you to deal with your grief. Best of luck to you.
2006-10-13 15:44:43 · answer #3 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok first thing dont get upset and cry your dad would not want you to feel so badly about that if your mom has such a younger man tell her how your feeling in a nice and respectful way with out making her feel like your trying to run her life also rembere she is hurting just like you so try to be understanding with her talk to her that is the best thing you could do for her and you to ok hope it turns out good best if luck to you
2006-10-13 15:49:19 · answer #4 · answered by sk8erhjk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think u shukd try & talk 2 ure mom & tell her how u feel.
WAIT...i noe ure probably saying But Im to scared...well do waht I did write ur mom a letter & tel her how u feel. Maybe even a email tell her & try! Dnt get ure emotions catch u let u be the 1, 2 catch it!
2006-10-13 15:45:06 · answer #5 · answered by I'm Anonymous, 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must understand that people who spend thier entire life having someone there, then losing that close relationship, it's just too hard. It's like an addiction. The house is just too lonely. Your family is just too far away. You crave companionship like a drug. Some people are just not meant to be alone.
2006-10-13 15:47:08 · answer #6 · answered by delux_version 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry to here this. But her life must go on.You must understand she has to deal with the death in a different way than you. Just support her I'm sure it will all work out. If it is meant to be it will happen that way
2006-10-13 15:43:31 · answer #7 · answered by xlhdrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should tell her how you feel. Nothing good comes out from withholding your feelings. She could just be trying to ease the pain of losing her husband, living in denial. That is one of the steps of grief and loss. Talk to her about it, its the only way for you as well to heal in your process of grief and loss as well.
2006-10-13 15:42:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
know what dear..its not your problem..it is your moms problem,why? its because..she didn't know how to handle the situation...well I'm also a widow , my husband died 6 yrs. ago but I never date with someone cause I know it is not the solution..well I just concentrated with my work so that my children will all go to school and finish their studies..that is now prioty in life after my husband died...to give my children a better future..I think you have to talk to your mother and ask her what you want to know and tell her what you feel..she must know it bec. you are her daughter and a mother should be responsible with her child...and after that....you pray to the Lord Jesus and ask Him for your guidance....let His love will wipe all your tears and fear...cause Jesus loves you and He cares for you so whenever you feel alone ,sad and afraid or confuse just go to Him...that is the best thing that you can do...I assure you that
2006-10-13 16:01:15 · answer #9 · answered by ter 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MAYBE THIS IS HER WAY OF DEALING WITH THE LOSS OF HER HUSBAND. HAVE YOU TALKED TO HER ABOUT HOW SAD AND DEPRESSED YOU ARE AND YOU NEED HER TO BE THERE FOR YOU. TRY A JOURNAL TO WRITE DOWN HOW YOU FEEL AND WHY . YOU NEED TO SEE IF THE NEW BOYFRIEND BOTHERS YOU OR THE FACT THAT SHE DIDN'T GRIEVE AS LONG OR AS SADLY AS YOU. EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN WAY TO GRIEVE LET HER DO HER THING. PRAYER AND READING THE BIBLE ALWAYS GIVES ME GUIDANCE THROUGH THE ROUGH TIMES, CALL YOUR PASTOR OR A CRISIS CENTER TO ASK FOR HELP. IT'S OK
2006-10-13 15:49:44 · answer #10 · answered by chayrrah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋