So, it looks like this weekend I'll be meeting my mom's first boyfriend since she and my dad got divorced. The divorce "process" started about a year ago and finished up only about 3 months ago.
I have to say, I really hate the way my mother has been dealing with this. She seems to be treating me like I'm too stupid to know that she's been seeing someone for about the past six months.
So, anyway, she's been planning to come visit my brother and me at college for a few weeks, and then she sends my brother a small little text message yesterday saying she is bringing her "friend" who "has been helping her out a lot since the divorce". It's worth noting that I had spoken to her just prior to that on the phone and she didn't bring it up.
I am feeling very uneasy and stressed out about this whole situation. I have so many mixed emotions, and I just don't know if I'm going to be able to handle being around this guy. Any advice to help ease my stress and frustration would be appreciated.
2006-10-13 13:33:20 · 14 answers · asked by chaser324 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I doubt that your mother thinks you're stupid. Odds are that she hasn't mentioned the man she has been seeing because she loves you enough to not want to put you in a bad position or make you uncomfortable. If you and your mother have yet to sit down and discuss your feelings toward her dating then she may still be treading on thin ice with you not knowing where you stand.
Keep in mind that she is your mother but she's also a person all her own. She's been through a lot too, you all have. She shouldn't have to go through her live alone simply because her marriage didn't work out. You and your brother will graduate and move away and have families of your own one day. My guess is that your mother isn't 65+ and ready to settle down to a life of Bingo and the Price is Right just yet. :)
Another thing to think about: You're uncomfortable but its probably nothing compared to the discomfort and nervousness plaguing your mother's "friend" as he travels to meet you and your brother for the first time. He must care about your mother quite a bit to be willing to subject himself to both you and your brother at once. You could just as easily team up together to make his stay hell, but he is coming anyway, which in my opinion says a lot about his character and his feelings for your mother.
My advice to you is to grin and bear it. We all have to do that at times. Pop a musclerelaxer, have a beer, and open the door. Unless this guy is a complete @$# (and trust me, he'll be on his best behavior around you if he wants to keep your mother) it probably will go a lot better than the horror stories that are playing in your head. :) Best of luck.
2006-10-13 13:45:11 · answer #1 · answered by A.R. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone else has said some great things. After you meet the guy, you'll probably be able to see how your mom's frame of mind has been through this whole thing, which will help you to understand it better. If he's a decent, nice guy then give him a chance. The first time I met my (now) step-father, I wasn't too sure about him, but he's a really great person and I like him a lot. On the other hand, if he's a jerk, I would just stay away from him. You aren't bound by him at all, regardless of if your mom likes him or not. That's what happened with my step-mom : ) Either way, give him a chance and tell your mom what you think afterward.
2006-10-13 13:52:27 · answer #2 · answered by Avatar206 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be patient. Your mom's obviously been through a lot. Meet this guy, see what he's like. Your mom has to like him for some reason. Give him a chance and remember that your mom's probably going through a very painful time. If this guy is making it easier for her and not just taking advantage of her then you should accept him. If you have concerns about him then approach your mom (after you meet him) and gently let her know. Don't completely diss him, just let her know you want the best for her and you don't think he's the best she can have. Until then, (if then ever occurs) you should be patient and realize that it is her love life. All you can do is stick by her. Good luck!
2006-10-13 13:39:55 · answer #3 · answered by S. Elizabeth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother and father have agreed to disagree..leave it at that. Would you be so distressed if your father were dating? Is any of this really your business? No one is asking you to call any new guy "dad," so take a chill pill and be happy that your mother is NOT alone! What would you have her do, live as a spinster for the rest of her life while your father does whatever. Sounds as if you need to grow up a tad before passing judgement on your parents..they know what they are doing. YOU have NO idea how long your mom put up with a marriage she did not want. Be thankful she kept her pain and disappointment out of your face. Sounds like a brave lady to me. Wouldn't it be nice if her sons actually were happy for her? Novel idea? Try it...it is easy.
2006-10-13 13:43:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a recently divorced mother of an eight year old son - give your mom a break. You have just described my worst fear. I did my best to keep my family together - even forgive my ex husband for having an affair. I was willing to do anything to save my marriage and my family. But I am only one person - it takes two. Know that your mom loves you and is probably as uncomfortable about this situation as you are. Be honest but know she does not deserve to be alone for the rest of her life. She loves you and your brother - let her be loved.
2006-10-13 14:47:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give your mom support on this by being the man your mom raised you to be. Your mom is probably a little nervous as well wondering how you guys will feel about this man. She obviously loves you both very much since she wants in her own way to get your approval of this man, by introducing you guys to him. Your mom deserves some happiness in her life doesn't she? Just be supportive of her cause she needs this of you.
2006-10-13 15:47:34 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think no matter what age you are, dealing with a person will might (in your eyes) replace your parent, is tough, even though logically as adults we know that a parent cannot really be replaced, nor should they be. Having said that, I advise you to meet this guy, and try to assess his character as a person in his own right, and not compare him to your dad. You might be pleasantly surprised and you may like him. If you feel that he does make your mom happy, let her know. If however, you honestly don’t think he is right for her, because he really isn’t and not because your are jealous or uncomfortable with the relationship, then tell her ( gently) what you think and advise her, but don’t force her to choose between him and you. If she sees that you are handling it well, she will confide in you more. And don’t forget, she is old enough to know what is what! Good luck.
2006-10-13 13:44:10 · answer #7 · answered by Maha KSA 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be happy for her. It may not seem like it but she is trying to be careful about your feelings and is really nervous about bringing him around. My mom started dating again a year ago and is so happy now. Your mom deserves to be happy and if you tell her you want her to be happy she will be more at ease and may be more willing to share with you. It is ok to be stressed but know the guy is probably just as stressed as you are!
2006-10-13 13:38:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your Mom is very aware of your feelings about her dating. I think that she is trying to be sensitive to them. She also probably didn't introduce this guy to you before (even though you may have been aware of his existence) because she wanted to make sure that this was someone that would be around for a while. I mean, you don't introduce your Mom to everyone you take on a date (or hook up with) do you?
Relax, parents are humans too. They have emotional and
2006-10-13 13:56:01 · answer #9 · answered by femalewithfortitude 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you sound jealous, its your moms life and let her live it how she wants to .
who are you to judge her and try to tell her what to do.
Look you only live life ounce if she wants a new man and **** let her have it, You wouldnt want mom waking up with regrets blaming you that You held her back when she was young in finding a new manz in her life.
Let her find a new manz while she still young and fresh.
But dont let her get into a relationship when she is sad and vulnerable from the divorce or shell get taken advantage of or get emotionally hurt if it doesent work out.
2006-10-13 13:39:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋