What is wrong with me?

Question

Ive been married for 9 years. I have a giving husband,a wonderful son,a beautiful home.Let's just say I work for fun & not cuz I have to. I should feel blessed & happy for having it all but I don't. I have never stopped thinking about my ex bf. We had a wonderful life when we were together. We went out for 4 years & the only reason why we broke it off was cuz of my parents. They did not like him. Now, it's been over 11 years since I last saw him and my parents finaly fessed up and told me that he tried to contact me several times after we broke up. They had tore all the letters he had written to me. They told me he had stopped by the house for months after I had moved out in search of me. They went as far as to tell him that I had moved out with a bf. Now, I want him even more. I find myself crying every day. My heart aches for him. Everytime I think of him, I get butterflies in my stomach. Shall I follow my heart & search for him? Shall I do nothing & stay with my family?

Answer 1

Don't be foolish. Fantasy love is just fine and great, but it changes when it becomes day to day. YOU have only the good memories of an ex, and the day to day of a family who loves you and relies on you...It is wisest to make what you have what you want. Not the other way around. IF you continue down this path, you could well find yourself out in a very cold world alone, hating yourself for being a fool. I suspect you would be dreaming about your present husband were you to run off and find this other guy...love is a very funny thing...we rarely know we have it until we loose it. You already know all of this, so why are you asking. YOU have no intentions of doing anything this silly, but I suppose it is fun to dream at times....especially when everyday is very much like the last one. Good luck

Answer 2

You have got to be kidding. You need to move on. Eleven years is a LONG time. Do you really think that after more than a decade, a marriage and a child that you can just pick back up with this guy where you left off?

Now, if you're having problems with your relationship with your husband, I'd suggest you address those directly, go to some counseling or whatever you (and he) decide that is right for you. But trying to convince yourself that the life you *would* have had with this other guy would actually exist in the real world is nothing but lying to yourself.

Lay off the Harlequin books where the old boyfriend rescues the girl from her evil husband, stop being in lust with the idea of the "perfect relationship" you had with an ex, and concentrate on the here and now, and on your future with your family.

Answer 3

Ive been married for 9 yrs too hunny.I think you need to find out what you have been missing for the past 11 yrs so you can stop worrying and move on,if possible. He might be over weight and balding by now, who knows?!(hehe) At least you can have some peace of mind, and don;t tell the hubby. By the way, I think the reason you cry is because you wonder if the grass is greener.... there is a reason for everything. Good luck,and stay strong.

Answer 4

Why are you living in the past when the future looks so much more promising? Listen I did the same thing with my ex g/f. It was a blissful relationship. She was Catholic and my parents raised us Baptist. We parted and I was devastated. I got married 6 years later to a wonderful woman. When I found she (ex g/f) was looking for me I was very confused. The I read something that put that part of my life where it should be, in the past. I read that when you marry you don't just marry that person but it's like marrying their family. Sounds weird at first but then it started making since. By marrying the woman I did, I now have a relationship with not just her but with her parents and MINE. I can't say anything to make you "happy" that is something only you can do. Just remember that if you cheated on or divorced your husband to be with your ex b/f, there are still no guarantees you will be happy but the odds are just the opposite.

Answer 5

You met and married your husband for a reason. Your parents were wrong to interfere with your relationship with your ex-BF but more than one love is possible in a lifetime. Accept your loss and focus on the love you found after. You will never know what would have happened if you stayed with him. Maybe you would have broken up anyway-maybe not. But the point is that you fell in love with and married another man, you started a family and you have a good life together. Don't destroy it for something that "might have been" and don't idealize the past.
There is nothing wrong with you, thousands people before you experienced the pain of losing a future with someone they loved and thousands more will experience that pain after you. Those who choose to will find happiness elsewhere.

Answer 6

Get in conact with your ex bf and get closure. The thing your are lacking here is CLOSURE. I suggest that you send him an e-mail or letter (don't meet up with him unless you're husband is with you) and tell him that you are now married with a wonderful son. You're ex bf, unless he is a home wrecker, will understand and will most likely leave you and your family alone.

It's terrible that your parents drove your ex bf away but you need to think about your husband and you son here. Splitting up with your husband to follow your heart is NOT the way to go. What if it doesn't work out with you're ex bf?? You will be left with NO-ONE. If you decide to split with your husband...what about your son??

Tell your husband if you have too, although, be aware that he may think that your whole marriage was a lie!!! So get closure as soon as you can, DON'T meet up with your ex bf, just get in contact and tell him how good you life is now.

There's no nice way of puttin this but if your follow your heart you are being SELFISH!!!

Answer 7

Actually I know a person that is going throught the same thing hunny and I have witnessed it every step of the way with them.. Just know that the grass is NOT always greener on the other side. And arn't you being alittle selfish by wanting to follow your heart. When u became a wife and a mother u lost that right. U have way to many people now that will be hurt and DEF affected by it. But if u can close your eyes at night and know u made the right choice then u r good to go.

Answer 8

I think everyone has gone thru the "what ifs". You have to wonder how different it could be. You've chosen this life for yourself, do you really think its fair to your family to break it apart? I think its time to move on, your not the same person you were 11 years ago, you are now a wife and a mother. Consider those feelings of your loved ones and maybe not so much of the past. I am not trying to be mean or inconsiderate, I to have been thru this. You just have to let go of the past and look ahead. It will be worth it in the long run. I wish you luck, and please - if you keep this up, consider counseling.

Answer 9

It is pretty obvious that there are problems at home that you aren't expressing here. You don't after 9 years just begin to think of an old flame for no reason at all. Do some soul searching. Would the old boyfriend want you back? Notice the key word is "ex-boyfriend"? Do you have children? Don't be selfish, be an adult. Maybe talk to a counselor or religious pastor or priest...let them give you some insight. It will work out, but you have to be realistic...

Answer 10

and take a chance to mess up his life as well
or while you torn your family apart what if when you found him he is no longer interested in you, or in jail,
are you willing to drop everything for the possibility that this guy still care for you, if so you are either a Gamble or a Fool
you are upset and think that you love him because you never close that chapter of your life
you need to close it not by ruin your family but by looking at what you have and remeber why you two broke up
remember this guy, ask your parents why they never like him
see him from your parent eyes and then try to see if you were in their place will you have not made the same choise
by doing that you are eleminilating *you been a fool**
as the Gambler you will be gambling your child future do you think you can do that?
Good Luck