why does my husband get crazy when I want his younger brother to help with the bills?

Question

His younger brother bring in about $2,300 a month, more than me. I told my husband i want his younger brother to help us with the bills, he got all crazy and bring everything up. I know it just excuses to get mad at me. But why?

yes, he's been living under our roof for more than a year now.

Answer 1

its called male pride.......

Answer 2

Well, this is easy, some men think of their family such as mother, father, brothers and sisters as first and foremost. They were his first family and they will continue to come first. This is speaking from a woman who spent 6 years in a marriage where I had to demand respect and that his family be put on the back burner. More times then not this occures with families and men from the south. Why this is true, I don't know, but I seen it first hand. Your choice here is simple, demand he help pay the bills, or he can move out. I let my ex hubbys brother live with us, for two months, and all he did was sit around playing video games, even though I would ask him several times if he needed help finding a job. But he declined. I was pregnant, and wasn't suppose to be on my feet much do to complications, and I would come home from a part time shift at work, and the house would be a mess. I would pick it up, ask him to pick up after himself, ask my ex to tell him to pick up after himself, but nothing worked. Finally I gave him an ultimatium, I had dealt with getting walked over far too long. Be strong, be assured you are in the right, don't go into it thinking you might be wrong, or there is something wrong with you asking for this, because there is not a single thing wrong with it. If he can't help a little, I hope he can find a place real damn quick. Stick to your guns, if your a doormat once, you will be a doormat for years to come. Good Luck, and if you ever need someone to talk to give me a holler. Laters, Trish

Answer 3

Your husband feels as if its his responsibility to help his brother.

You feel as if he should contribute since he's been living there a year.

You are both right.

As a couple, you need to decide how to proceed. I had my brother in law live with us....and after 3 months of no rent and no looking for a place to live, I made it pretty clear by offering to take him to apartments that I circled in the paper. He wound up leaving us and moving in with his mom, where he still is, more than TEN years later. (Anyone say LOSER??)

Your bro-in-law clearly works. Does he help you all with chores, your husband with anything? A possibility is that the bro-in-law could have lent your husband money, and your husband isn't fessing up to you. Maybe he's sensitive about money because there is more to the story than you know.

Bottom line: if he is part of the family, then talk with him about contributing something. If he's a good guy, he will. If he can't then you and your husband need to work on a plan to get him out. Money is the number one source of disagreement and stress in marriages today.

Answer 4

His younger brother should only help with the bills if he is living with you. He should pay his fair share of rent, utilities and food.

Now, you may not know the entire family history so leave the lead to your husband on this. Just suggest but don't push.

Answer 5

could be because he feels like he not taking care of his family himself and doesn't want anyone to know the truth.but on the other hand if his brother is living with the two of you he should help pay his way,he should be giving money either once a month or each payday ,check and see what your area is asking for renting a small apt and then you'll have a idea of what he should be giving the both of you to stay in your home

Answer 6

Why would you even ask his brother to help with the bills? Is he living with you? If he is, then charge him a flat fee for living there. You need to leave the brother out of your financial situation, that is between you and your husband and no one else.

Answer 7

Your husband should respect your opinion and talk to you about this. If his brother is staying there for a long period of time then he should pay his share. He probably even expects you to clean up after him. If he's just staying for a short time to get on his feet then that's OK, But if he's staying for a long time then he should pay up or get out and your husband should agree with you. You and your husband need to talk this out before it creates trouble between the two of you.

Answer 8

Well Hun I think if your brother-in-law is staying with you,and is making good money,he should for one be helping you guys out with bills and other stuff too,Or he should be getting his own place to stay,Because take it from me I know what it is like to have people staying with you and not paying you a thing.I did it with a few people and I always got the short end of the stick out of it all.Nothing in life is free so why should he stay with you for free!When he has money!Make him pay of kick him to the curb.That's just my 2 cents.Best wishes to you and I hope every thing turns out the way you hope.Take care,

Answer 9

Because he is the big brother. Thats why. Its called male pride and shame on you for shaming your husband that way. You need to learn to live on what your husband and you make and not expect others to help you, Your husband has pride.

Answer 10

For most men, it's a pride thing, but I must ask, does the brother live with you? If he does, then by all means you shouldn't have to ask him to help out. He should be doing it already.

Answer 11

I am a man. And its this simple. Imagine a pack of lions. The head of the pack (bread winner) taking help from his younger brother out on the plains and taking help in a fight??!! It is simlpy domonance. Men like our felion cousins take nothing from no one, and fight for everything alone to protect his harem of females. In your case his wife.