.It’s been six months
Since I've heard your voice
Not being your friend
Was only your choice
It’s hard for me
To find sympathy
For someone that turned there back
And you know it’s just a simple fact
That you want me to wipe your tears
And erase all your fears
But let me ask you
What would you do?
If you were me
It’s not that simple you see
And somewhere I truly believe
That you and me were meant to be
In this crazy world of make believe
I believed in you and me
And I know we're not always right
But its 3 in the morning I'm too tired to fight
What’s done is done
The some songs been sung
2006-10-13 11:38:45 · 8 answers · asked by sackingsfan 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Not bad ...not bad at all...I find a little contradiction or something is missing. You say it has been six months, but in the second "Paragraph"?? you talk in present time...like this person needs you now. How do you know you are needed today???You haven't heard the voice in six months..., and the finish was too fast like you ran out of gas, inspiration was gone just when you started to roll, that gives me the impression this person doesn't mean that much to you anymore, deep inside you are mad, like it is time to move on, Not bad ..Not bad at all
2006-10-13 14:27:02 · answer #1 · answered by class4 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reads well, until the last line, The some songs been sung? lost me on that one. First stanza states, Have not been in the company of the one your talking at, last three are if the object is in front of you.see it?
2006-10-13 11:56:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are really good at that. May be you can create a tune to go with it . BUT, you should never put your stuff on here unless it is copy written. Too many people can steal it and say it is their own. Good luck!
2006-10-13 11:52:22 · answer #3 · answered by The_answer_person 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your writing shows promise. To see what true rejected love is, go visit http://maureen-cavanaugh.virtual-memorials.com. Check out the poety section of the memorial.
2006-10-14 05:03:33 · answer #4 · answered by elydane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. Don't send this to anyone before correcting the spelling mistakes:
turned THEIR back.
SAME songs been sung.
2006-10-13 11:50:07 · answer #5 · answered by Typhoon_ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is better than anything i can write,
but they're too literal.
imo, lyrics should not be too literal...otherwise they seem like they're taken out of a cookie cutter template like boy band songs.
2006-10-13 22:40:14 · answer #6 · answered by sidewalkslam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might work for rap lyrics. As poetry, I'm afraid not.
2006-10-13 11:51:07 · answer #7 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sounds girly to me, you said tell you what I think, so I did
2006-10-13 11:51:53 · answer #8 · answered by just tht kid over there 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋