I have nobody to talk to, I didnt know where else to turn. First off, my boyfriend of 3 years, cheated on me several times last year. He says it was because I kept hounding him not to talk to females because I thought it would happen. After I found out he promised to never do it again. It's been great for the last 6 months and now he is starting to do favors for women he works with...thats how it started last time. Favors like going to the store for them and giving them a ride and such. He's pissed and is telling me I should just trust him and not bother him about it and everything will be fine. But how can I? Its starting all over again, the same as last time, how can I trsut him. I know I need to learn to trust him but its just to early for that. I'm going crazy thinking its going to happen again and trying to tell him not to do that kinda **** for them. I don';t know what to do, I think he's just gunna do stuff for them behind my back. Help! I'm going insane.
2006-10-13 11:35:00 · 13 answers · asked by faery1219 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Relax, talk to him calmly and try to get him to understand from ur point of veiw. then if that doesnt work, try a trial seperation. like a seperation, but u come back it will help him appreciate u more
2006-10-13 11:38:09 · answer #1 · answered by Joey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is right... You really should TRUST a person you have chosen to be with. If you can't, you will always be going insane, for as long as you're with them! There's no way out except to either change your attitude or leave. I think you are correct in your assumption that it's only a matter of time before he cheats again. If it bothers you - then he's not the man for you. There are plenty of men out there who don't have a problem with committment; look for one. And he can find a woman who doesn't mind an open relationship.
2006-10-13 18:46:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They have a saying if you think it or say a thing to much it come true. I'm telling this from a woman that almost everyone I've been with has cheated on me. Men cheat because their not getting something at home that their getting from that other person. what we don't know but if you bug him all the time and you bug about it you will lose him and then what. And if it's been so great in the last 6mons then maybe you need to think about what has made it that way and keep doing that. Don't wish bad thing on youself.
2006-10-13 18:47:12 · answer #3 · answered by lostsoul 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you're going through. I think it's time for you to pick yourself up and invest some of your energy into yourself. Love yourself and believe in yourself with as much energy as you're putting into your boyfriend.
The fact that he cheated on you several times last year tells me that he doesn't feel the same way for you as you do for him. If he truly loves you, he wouldn't want any other woman. Also, he wouldn't want to do anything that would hurt you- physically or emotionally.
It sounds like you are REALLY miserable in this relationship. Why won't you leave? Is it too painful for you to be without him? Well, since it's pretty painful being WITH him, what do you have to gain by staying? At least if you break up with him, you retain a sense of pride, dignity, and self-love. By staying with him, you're accepting and affirming his behaviour. That's why he's starting it up again. You've already proven to him that he can do anything he wants to and you'll lie down and take it.
I say, love yourself MORE than you love someone else. That way, you will not allow them to walk all over you. And DEMAND that anyone lucky enough to be with you treats you with love and respect- ALWAYS.
Good luck. Being alone for a while is not a bad thing. You'll learn how to care for yourself better.
2006-10-13 18:45:36 · answer #4 · answered by Cool-K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And maybe thats just what he wants you thinking you are in the wrong. You have no reason to trust that man and for the life of me I cant imagine why he thinks you should. You are not wrong 95% of the time if a man cheats once he will do it again(women too). A cheater is a cheater is a cheater. So dont think you are going nuts. My advice for what its worth is if he cheats on you again LEAVE and dont come back, you dont need that.
2006-10-13 18:42:54 · answer #5 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont understand what is taking you so long to see the real picture here. This guys getting his cake and eating it every which way he wants and youre letting him. He is definitely using you to the max. here.. This guy just tells you what you want to here and you stay, so why should he change when he has a good for him thing going on. Truthfully I dont really think he cares if you stay or go. You have to think if youre better off with or without him before you lose your sanity, and no guy is worth losing your self dignity over. Its way past the point of enough is enough, so develop a plan B and get on with it and a better life with someone who will appreciate you for you, and be honored to have someone like you. Good luck and remember this is not your fault
2006-10-13 18:45:15 · answer #6 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you and your boyfriend should go for a trial separation. Stay calm. Tell him that it appears to you that he is not certain about making a commitment to you and that it may be best for him to take time out to see what it is he really wants. Tell him that you plan on seeing others too and that you want some space and time to decide whether your relationship with him is the right one. You need to do this. Treat yourself with respect! Don't leave him with the idea that you are needy and desparate.
2006-10-13 18:52:11 · answer #7 · answered by Jo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you want to see other people. Be don't see anyone. Just take some time out for yourself. Pick up a hobby, join the gym, taking dancing lessons, anything. Because you are going to lose him you are to needy and he is going to run.
Back off, trust me he will come running, and if he doesn't you don't want him. I have no friends, no boyfriend. I am enjoying the time finding myself.
2006-10-13 18:42:43 · answer #8 · answered by betty_htch 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't trust him either and he should respect your feelings. He shouldn't put himself in a position where he would be tempted to cheat, but it seems to me that he knows what he is doing. Guys don't just help a girl out to be nice. I think you need to reevaluate your relationship and find someone that doesn't cheat on you or make you upset all the time.
2006-10-13 18:43:01 · answer #9 · answered by Marla C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In all honesty leave. He tried to say its your fault he had an affair,thats the first thing a cheat does.It happened to me. because of the kids i took it and stayed. Then it finally happened she had another affair and left me with the two kids Iam happy for that. bu once a cheat always a cheat.
2006-10-13 21:50:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋