My husband and I have been at it for at least a month now. We fight at least 5 days a week. The anamossity from the previous nights fight just bleeds over into the next day. We have 3 very young children, and by the time we get them to bed I'm at the end of my rope and so is he. The littlest thing will set us off, and I admitt it's more me than him. We can't discuss anything any more without getting into it. I feel like running away, but I don't want to break up my family. Help please?
2006-10-13 11:18:02 · 16 answers · asked by Lesley C 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You guys are having a communication problem. Maybe try this....
Set up ground rules....here are a few suggestions:
1. Discuss only one issue at a time...stay on topic.
2. No bringing up stuff from the past not related to the issue.
3. Be willing to hear the other side. And see it from their perspective.
4. No interupting. Use a magic wand. Whoever has the wand speaks without interuption until they turn it over to the other person.
5. Don't cloud the issue with little stuff....get to the heart of the matter.
6. No swearing or raising your voice. Yelling doesn't get you heard. Speak softly and sweetly cause you never know when you might have to eat your words.
7. When you get the wand....always start the conversation with "the reason I'm about to say this is to make our relationship stronger babe". Always start with this phrase.....never forget!!
Give it a try....it's better than what your currently doing! And remember....a calm conversation with a sincere desire to find a solution can overcome just about anything. Good luck!
2006-10-13 12:29:14 · answer #1 · answered by Tony 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Communication outside of the home, without the children....why not suggest that you both go out for a coffee, or a drive or talk a walk and try to figure out what is causing all the animosity in the first place.
A marriage won't survive if you can't communicate, and since you say there are 3 young children in the mix you want to correct the problem now before its too late.
Good luck :)
2006-10-13 11:24:25 · answer #2 · answered by ne_patriots2005 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I also believe that the family who prays together stays together (just my opinion, every one to their own)
But, if that is not an option for you and your family (to go to church together) you MUST get counseling. If not for your marriage, then for the sake of your precious children. If you and your husband are getting to the point where you are both physically and mentally tiring of all the fighting, and can no longer be bothered, realize you do still share a common goal, the future well being of your children. Work from there, but definitely go for therapy.
When you are able to ask for help, already you are stronger then you know!
All the best
2006-10-13 11:48:43 · answer #3 · answered by tyreesesmum 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lesley,
Hang in there. With 3 young children it is hard. But you and your husband need to get a babysitter for the evening and go out to dinner, just the two of you and nice and calm talk things out. Heart to heart so they say. You need to set ground rules fr everything that a family goes thru and stick to them to the very T so make sure you both agree on the punishments, bed times, bath times, dinner time, everything before one of you speaks up. It will make things sooooooooooooo much easier for every one you, your husband and the children. But like all changes it will take and adjustment period so do not give up if it does not go well the first few times.
BEST OF LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-10-13 11:43:15 · answer #4 · answered by hummingbird 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm an entire touch kickboxer and that i definitely love combating yet i additionally rejoice with a reliable hockey pastime! i would not provide up staring on the NHL in the event that they stopped the combating because of fact they are such astonishing athletes at the start and that i'm surprised to work out the failings they might do on the ice! The goalies are fairly relaxing to computer screen with their cat like reflexes and how they use them to resign some outstanding photos. The fights do make hockey greater interesting yet i could nevertheless love the pastime without the fights! Hockey could on no account decrease out checking because of fact then all human beings could be scoring aims. those days, it style of feels as though much less hockey fights have been occurring because of referee involvement yet i do no longer think of they are going to ever decrease it out because of fact they understand hockey gamers have an honest bond. notwithstanding they hate one yet another whilst their communities conflict they love one yet another and understand one yet another off the ice!
2016-10-19 08:38:53 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I'v experienced this but being on the childs recieving end. Don't threaten to runaway, keep everything between you to because that makes the kids feel real bad, like well worthless and can cause some emotional and mental damage. Get a marriage counselor, just get help and don't make the kids suffer and help yourself. I hope you can finda happy median.
2006-10-13 11:24:34 · answer #6 · answered by Katie W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to end up with 3 screwed up kids if you continue like this, its NOT doing them any good hearing you two fight. Maybe you both need some breathing space from each other? Will also give the kids a break from it too.
2006-10-13 11:22:05 · answer #7 · answered by lollipoppett2005 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
r u sure u don't want to break up ur family? cause if u admit to being the one who starts it most times then u must want something to happen. what is all the fighting about? i mean in the long run does it really matter? u are setting very bad examples for ur children they shouldn't be forced to live that way. u two need to get it together for their sakes. ASAP.
2006-10-13 11:26:02 · answer #8 · answered by Kaffy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are alot of BS answers here. It sounds like you are probably the instigator ( I appreciate your honesty) of most of these fights by bringing up trivial complaints at the end of the day.
If your husband is a decent guy and pitches in on daily routines, quit bringing up these trivial matters. The key word here is TRIVIAL. I can tell you as a Guy that nagging and constant complaining ABOUT TRIVIAL MATTERS drives us nuts and will get you nowhere.
If he's a lazy SOB then leave his ***.
2006-10-13 13:20:22 · answer #9 · answered by Rocky99 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well girl you know where its coming from, now you have to work out how to fix it. Start with a romantic dinner for two, put the kids down early. Talk to him make him understand. Do you need more time for yourself. Is it an identity crisis. You have taken the first step, things can only improve from here on.
2006-10-13 11:28:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋