He began to act strange after 9 years of marriage. His constant complaints about me being too fat, my hair isn't long enough. I don't clean the house enough. No matter what, I wasn't good enough. Over the last three months -- he has left hotel receipts in our home (plan view); stayed out all night and has been seen by my brother and his wife with a younger woman having dinner. By the way, he hasn't been owning up to his monetary responsibilities by paying his portion of the bills around the house (light/gas; telephone; car insurance; car payment, etc.) Is this a phase? Or should I just give up -- there is our 12 year old son who is also in the middle of all this mess!
2006-10-13 09:39:00 · 34 answers · asked by Sistah 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
LEAVE
2006-10-13 09:41:08 · answer #1 · answered by sidekickLX! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all - by saying your son is in the middle of all of this and staying with your husband - you're probably hurting your son more! If he is living in an unhappy household - that's not good for him. Yes he might be sad you broke up...but at least he could have a good home life. Second - if your husband is being that inconsiderate and hurtful....is he really worth it? Even if he stopped having an affair...could you really forgive and forget and move on from it all? You'd always be expecting him to make it up to you or wondering what he's doing. The trust is pretty much gone.
2006-10-13 10:48:24 · answer #2 · answered by kristinrance 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call an attorney. What do you want to do? Don't you want someone who appreciates you? Because no matter what you weigh, how long your hair is, and the state of your house somebody will still love you. Your son. He needs to know that you should not be treated that way. If you file for divorce he'll have to pay for his responsibility at least to your son. I don't know what the law is in your state but you may not be able to receive alimony until 10 years of marriage. Think about your happiness. Somebody has to.
2006-10-13 09:54:21 · answer #3 · answered by wondering 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bring it all up to his attention. I am not one big on the "OOOH LEAVE HIM" kind of stuff. But RESPECT is big to me. HONESTY is big to me. CONSIDERATION is big to me, and in marriage INFIDELITY is a deal breaker.
File your papers, (It takes a long time, so if there is any chance of reconciliation, it is still possible but you have to show him you mean business and that he can't get away with treating you like that and neglecting home or your marriage) anyway, file for divorce, DEFINETELY file for child support.
But first, figure out if you can swing it. I mean, you probably can if he has already started slacking off with the bills.....but weigh all your options out well. Maybe it would be easier to stay married, and just do your own thing. But even that idea sucks if he isn't carrying his portion of the responsibilities.
One thing I know for sure, don't lay out on the ground and be a door mat for someone who thinks so little of you. That is just wrong on top of wrong. Be strong. Weigh out your options, and think of your son. Having him see that in his father is a very bad example for him to see. You as his mother need to step in and teach him that that IS NOT the way a MAN behaves. That is NOT the way a man treats his wife, or his family. And you also need to show him the other side, that his mother loves herself and him enough to put an end to it. Call his dad/your husband on his wrong doings, and move on because he should never think it's cool to stay in a miserable relationship of disregard and disrespect.........just 'because'. You know?
2006-10-13 09:50:15 · answer #4 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You asked what you should do? OK, here's what you should do: Get a backbone, make sure it's good and stiff so you won't fold over if he should make a play for you, make a good solid plan to leave, sit down and talk with your son about what you plan to do, contact a good divorce lawyer, serve your husband with divorce papers, contact this woman named Michelle at www.mydivorcestory.com, she'll help you out, make yourself and your son your number one priority.
I agree with what everyone else has been saying, it's not ok that your husband is treating you and your son this way. He's not being a good role model for your son especially, and like it or not, he will have rights as a parent to see his son, so be aware of that.
Also, teach your son that women are to be treated as queens, not trash. Learn to love yourself and have higher standards so that the next man you become involved with will treat you like a queen.
2006-10-13 12:53:38 · answer #5 · answered by kellygirlaj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you called him on it? He's doing all the passive aggressive crap to make you leave. Well, why don't you kick is butt to the curb?!? Why should you have to put up with his crap and then move your life somewhere else. If he wants to be a spoiled little brat then remind him of the good thing that he is soooo going to lose if he doesn't get it together. 9 years is to long to just give up on, but this needs to be confronted and he has some serious explaining to do. He could just think that he's getting away with it. When what he is doing becomes reality in his mind (and not this fantasy land that he's living in) the pain of his actions will become all to obvious. But, don't talk to us. Talk to him.
2006-10-13 09:54:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I'd say it's time to move on, as tough as that's going to be for you (and your son).
I'd confront him before I did anything though, see how he responds. That will probably anger you enough to action on your own behalf!
Again, really sorry. It sounds like he's been a jerk for a long time now.
Your son certainly doesn't need any of this behavior as a role model. Better no dad than a dad like this.
2006-10-13 09:46:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He can afford to mess around with another woman then he better make sure he can afford those child support payments. I'd get a court order against him that says so. His days of being a role model for my son are over.
2006-10-13 09:44:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
he wants out and you should too he don't pay bills he leaves things around so you can found them this is no way you should want to raise your son showing him that men are suppose to treat women leave him it is not a phase keep thinking that he go have you behind in all your bills then he will leave you and go with that young girl
2006-10-13 09:47:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not only is he doing this....he doesnt care if you know, in fact he WANTS you to know...so you feel even worse about yourself. Thats no where close to love. He's already emotioally divorced...go make it legal and at least get some money out of it. About your son...do you want him growing up in an adulterous household, learning that its ok to treat women that way? If you dont leave him, you are teaching your son its ok to do that to your wife, someone you vowed your life to. Get out, you are better than this scumbag.
2006-10-13 09:44:09 · answer #10 · answered by EllisFan 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Girl you should confront him and kick his *** out of your house. You need to get rid of this man i mean he is obviously cheating on you for a while now and your brother has even seen him doing his dirt so just leave his *** and start your life over with your 12yr old son. Good luck!
2006-10-13 09:43:27 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋