My husband was in a motorcycle wreck about a month and a half ago. He had a severe concusion staples and stitches all over. It was very life threatening and it made me realize how short life is. I want to do something for him to show him how much I love him. He is still at home recovering and is just know getting up and moving around on his own.
2006-10-13 09:12:05 · 21 answers · asked by First L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband's motorcycle accident was a little more than a year ago. My first priority was to take care of him. That should be your first priority, as well. Make sure that his needs, medical, physical and emotional are taken care of. That is job one.
Medical... keep track of all of his doctors appointments and make sure that those appointments are kept. Make sure that his meds are kept supplied and that he takes them on time. Don't mother him, but be a help to him with all the medical minutia.
The pain is something that could be a constant, horrible reminder... be ready for that. Just because your husband might seem fine tomorrow, in a week he could be hurting, angry and down about the accident all over again. You're going to have to be there for him then just like you are now... just be ready for that.
Recognize your husband's independence... my husband is very independent and it was difficult for him to give up control and provide for the family as he was recuperating. Your husband is not going to be able to easily succumb to the fact that he is not going to be able to take care of his family for a while in the way that he has in the past. While your husband is down, he is going to need to feel needed, but not at the expense of his health... gradually let him resume control. Don't baby him. Leave him his dignity, pride and his own inner strength.
Now, when I say "physical" I don't necessarily mean sexually... I mean, make sure your husband eats, make sure he sleeps, make sure he showers. He might forget those things, or think they aren't important right now, but they are. Encourage him to shower frequently, it will help him relax and it will be soothing and refreshing. Keep up with the housework. It may sound silly when there's so much else going on, but my husband says this about it, "when I saw my wife keeping up the house, it was nice to see that not everything stopped and it helped me to look forward."
Sexually? He will let you know when he's ready. You will probably have to take it easy for a while, but being that close to one another could be very healing for you both.
Emotional... make sure you're there for him, make sure he knows you love him, make sure you're there when he needs you to listen when he needs to talk about the accident. And actually listen to him... he might need to go over what happened many times before he has it straight in his own mind and you may need to be his sounding board for that. Accept what he has to say about the accident. You might want to ask questions, I know I did, eventually. He'll let you know when it's ok to ask. Don't push him to talk about it, he may not remember everything about the accident (my husband doesn't remember it all and he never lost consciousness). ... when he needs to talk he will, just be there for him when it's time for him to talk.
You're asking what you can do to show him how much you love him. It sounds simple, but it is... just do it. Be there everyday for him, hold him, kiss him, encourage him in his healing, be strong for him... just be his wife. Do all this and you will be showing him how much you love him.
I was about 6 months pregnant with our daughter when my husband was in his accident. He told me later that as he was going down he was cussing out the SOB that caused the accident and he was ticked that he might not see me again and might never see our daughter. He still has pain, sometimes searing, but he is better than he was by far... but he's here and that is what is most important.
Oh, and as for our Bike... it was rebuilt, good as new, within a few months of the accident. At first, I wanted the Bike long gone, but I didn't want to push him to get rid of it. Of course, that was back when he wasn't sure if he was keeping it at all. When my husband decided that it was time for the Bike to come out of storage and get some road time, I pushed... literally. I was terrified that it was all going to happen again. I didn't want him to ride. We both missed it terribly, but I didn't want to take the chance.
Almost a year after his accident, he saddled up again. He's been back to it for a few weeks now. It's scary, I will admit. He started riding, originally, to save money on gas going back and forth to work and that reason hasn't gone away. He's riding back and forth to work again and every time he gets back on, I pray until I hear he's gotten to work safely or until he's in my arms again. Your husband may want to ride again. You can have your input on the decision, but ultimately, it's up to him. Remember that.
Sometimes, when you're awake and your husband is sleeping next to you... say a prayer of thanks and lay your head on his chest and drift off listening to the sound of his heart beating. I still do this... often. It helps me to remember how blessed we are that he is still here.
What can you do to show him how much you love him?
Just be there for him... just love him.
Feel free to contact me if you need to talk... joanna
2006-10-13 10:45:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe get a collection of pictures and make him a "life" book. Start with pictures of him from when he was younger and work your way up to present day. Add a little message in there or more than one and show him his life and tell him how important he is to you. Then you will always have that to look at.
2006-10-13 10:50:56 · answer #2 · answered by kristinrance 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking from personal experience let him do as much as he is able to do by himself. Fight the urge to do everything for him, fight as if your life and marraige depended on it! Because it actually does. In my case my man was down for 3 months, in that time period he went from a proud man to a broken child. He needs to learn to feel good about himself again, I am sure his self esteem is in the toilet. Imagine yourself as a totally self suffiencient person that is the foundation of your family, everyone around you counts on you. Now from one extreme to another, you are dependant on everyone for everything. Just be there for him, like a safety net. Allow him to struggle with simple tasks, let him fail, he will try again. The harder he has to work, the better the pay off will be for him in the end. Don't hand him his manhood with words. Let him gain it back at his own pace with his actions. Good Luck
2006-10-13 09:58:54 · answer #3 · answered by gomendic 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you need to do anything special other than be by his side and help him recover. When someone goes through something this traumatic, they need all the love and support they can get. I'm sure he'll view your omnipresence as the greatest gift you can give.
I hope he gets better soon!
2006-10-13 09:17:18 · answer #4 · answered by Altruist 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi: Just write him a poem where you tell him how much you love him, give him Lot's of love and tender, do hes toe nails with a good massage on his foots he would love that, make him feel like a king, and keep telling how much you love him, look at him with lots of love, may God bless you always and all in you family
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