I have what would seem a rather easy problem, but I'm not sure how to do it. The last relationship that I was in was very difficult and I always felt unsatisfied and kind of not really wanted. I am now with a wonderful man who is able to talk about feelings and whom I love very very much.
Here it is: Because of my background, I always need to be told that I'm loved and I really need the physical expression of hugs, kisses, etc. As we have been together for six months, these things have tapered off somewhat (he's in his mid-50's and I'm 41). I know that physical passion is onloy one espression of love, but how do I tell him that I need him to tell me and show me that he loves me daily, so that I feel comfortable and okay, without him thinking that I must be the most insecure woman in the world? Men, if a woman told you that would you think she was too much trouble?
2006-10-13 08:52:32 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There are no woman in the world who don't need hugs, kisses, love and reassurance everyday. It's just that we have accepted not having them everyday. You should definitely tell him, but tell him in a sweet loving way, not in a needy desparate low self-esteem kind of way. Tell him that you love him very much, and that you miss him when he's away, and that you enjoy spending time with him.
2006-10-13 09:06:23 · answer #1 · answered by Natalia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's a matter of being "too much trouble" and I do realize that some people are more insecure than others.
That being said, most men that I know are just not programmed from youth to be overly expressive of their emotions. I think that if a person is forced to show you what you want to see or hear every day that it will end up not being genuine at all.
I do however think that counseling could help you with the insecurity that your feeling so that you feel better about yourself and who you are - and after all, that's what really matters !
2006-10-13 16:00:28 · answer #2 · answered by jarhed 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, However, I think you need to tell him this. You have to be cautious that you don't smother him with your emotions. Yes, It does sound as if your a little insecure. It sounds like you come from a very well sheltered back round that offered a tremendous amount of attention. It also sounds like you have been hurt because of this. I don't think that you telling him would be too much trouble. On the other hand although, don't run it into the ground. I personally wouldn't like my wife to constantly tell me she needs to be told I love her, It would grow tiresome and I would probably recommend counseling for her.
2006-10-13 16:00:59 · answer #3 · answered by skawp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband is not the most expressive person in the world, to say the least. It is something I accept about him - I couldn't, and I wouldn't want to, change him. But sometimes, I tell him playfully that it wouldn't hurt if he complimented me on my looks every once in a while, or something like this. It's always casual and playful, I'm half-joking anyway, I like to tease him about being so reserved. But guess what... He gets the hints... He's become way more open and affectionate than when we first met. But it also helps that I am not needy, and am pretty self-sufficient when it comes to being confident in the relationship. You might tell him you wouldn't mind hearing more of this or that - but don't expect him to go all gushy on you, try to develop more self-confidence.
2006-10-13 15:59:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well obviously you ARE insecure. Why should your husband HAVE to tell you that he loves you on a daily basis if you're NOT insecure? Sounds to me like you could use a good dose of therapy to find out how to rid yourself of these insecurities. If I HAD to tell someone everyday that I loved them I don't think I'd want to. Expressions of love should be spontaneous and not something that HAS to be done in order for one to feel secure, if you don't feel secure in your marriage without being said words to then you have a problem.
2006-10-14 03:56:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and him should read Wild at Heart by John Eldridge, very easy reading. He writes it about men. His wife wrote Captivating-about woman. I think if you and especially your husband read Wild at Heart...You would greatly benefit from it. This will let each of you learn more about the genders...Don't forget men show emotions differently-he may be telling you all the things you need just in a different way...
2006-10-13 16:03:08 · answer #6 · answered by Ellen V 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him, If it is important to you, he should respect you too - even if he thinks it is insignificant. Doing small things, like small signs of affection, picking up after yourself, etc .. can make life easier - it helped my marriage big time ans it was really very easy to do.
Most men are visual, while most women are emotional - not sure if that makes sense to you or not. Just let him know, holding things like that in only make matters worse. Wear something sexy while your telling him - he will pay attention! (men are visual) good luck
2006-10-13 16:08:08 · answer #7 · answered by School of Rock 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you the most insecure woman in the world?
I would think if you started hugging him more he would get the clue. Maybe you need to go in to counseling and try to find out why you have that need...
2006-10-13 15:57:56 · answer #8 · answered by luc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't tell him he had to tell me every single day that he loved me and cared for me. You can express to him that if he says it as often as he feels comfortable with then that's great. If he loves you as much as you say he does he shouldn't feel burdended. If he shows that it's a problem, maybe it's him.
2006-10-13 16:00:06 · answer #9 · answered by Ally S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...Girl you sound pretty needy to me. I would find that very unattractive. Confidence is VERY SEXY!!
Look yourself in the mirror and say "Damn, I am one HOT babe!!" once in a while. And believe it.
Maybe you should get a membership to the gym or something?
2006-10-13 16:00:17 · answer #10 · answered by Littlebit 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋