Why do people, girls in particular..?

Question

have such a hard accepting people to what they are and why are they so hard on accpeting people into a clique.
I need help.. basically i have like no friends.. i mean like the girls i was once friends with turned into the b-i-t-c-h-e-s of the grade... what do i do? i dont know where to go... im scared to make new friends =[ .. what dont i have they do?

Answer 1

You sound young. Young people are mean. They are struggling for their own identity, but they lack the courage to be different.

We all want to belong and we want acceptance from a group. We all want to be admired, appreciated, important, powerful, attractive, valuable, recognition, acknowledgement, respected, cared about, and saught after.

Young people find it easier to feel like they belong by trying to influence others to think as they do, act as they do, and believe as they do. This is how they establish the "pecking order". These are immature ways of obtaining status within a social group. You'll learn more about this when you study sociology, and group dynamics. You might study a bit about street gangs and fraternities.

As far as how to cope, be yourself. I know, others are telling you this and it's not that easy. You might find some activities you like that will build you up from the inside out. Kickboxing, martial arts, foreign languages, sports, and musical instruments are all things that have accomplishable goals, and are things you can practice and get good at. Accomplishing goals builds self-esteem.

When you have more self-esteem, the nastiness of others is easier to shrug off. It is easier to forgive them for their ignorance and their shortcomings.

People sometimes project or internalize their emotions. When someone is condescending, mean or nasty, it's usually because they are insecure about themselves inside, and they want to bring you down to the level they feel they're at. They mistakenly think that fear equals respect.

People sometimes take that personally, internalize it, and make it a part of their self-talk. Don't do that. Self-esteem shields you from internalizing so much.

Sometimes, self-esteem is intimidating to others. Sometimes others want and wish they had the confidence of a cheerleader, so they trash-talk cheerleaders. See what I mean?

Making new friends involves being extroverted and non-judgemental, and accepting of others as they are. It means noticing the differences and good qualities about others, complimenting them, and admiring them. Then following up with questions that get others to talk about themselves.

Doing this makes people feel appreciated, respected, and noticed. You can really make someone's day this way. And the best way to feel more popular and welcome, is to give to others what you want from them. It always comes back.

Smile at everyone you pass. Make eye contact with those that smile back. Break the ice and initiate conversation, beginning with a positive observation or compliment, and following with a question.

Remember that 3 out of 5 people have some sort of social anxiety to some degree or other. Be the hero and break the ice. Put others at ease and make their day. Give others the attention and recognition you want from them.

Approach someone you admire and show some interst in them. tell them you admire their (artistic ability, creativity, knowledge of something, skill, athletic prowress, sense of humor, generosity of spirit, sense of style, academic ability, etc).

You might do well with finding activities outside your school (the gym, the community center, the Barnes & Nobel) and inviting someone you have met at school to join you in the activity. Ask that really smart straight-A girl over to study with you. Ask that really sporty girl to go to the gym and play rackettball. Ask that really cute boy to teach you how to throw a football. Ask the cute, quiet guy to the bookstore to look at CD's or DVD's.

Make it about others, and worry less about your own fear and anxiety. Being introverted causes people to mistake your intimidation for aloofness or being stuck up. Draw people out of their shells with your attention, respect, and admiration. It will come back to you. people who feel good about themselves around you, will want you around more.

Answer 2

The question you're asking is of great interest to me. I am a preschool teacher and a student of social psychology. I have seen three-year-old girls exclude one of their peers saying "She's not our friend" and seen the odd-girl-out break down into tears.

There is much discussion and study on it. Why do girls cluster in small groups and then behave meanly towards some of the group? I know that girls are thought of as sugar and spice, but the fact is they can be pretty mean.

Bravo to you for not wanting to follow along with the mean behavior! I'm sorry if it makes you feel like you have no friends, but better to be alone than with b-----es. What you need to realize is that there are other girls that feel the way that you do. Look around for them. Maybe you can form a circle of odd-girl-out friends and have your own social network. There are different ways to define cool, and it is not cool to be mean, so even if those other girls LOOK cool, you KNOW they're not.

You are so much more mature then those other girls in a way that really counts in the long run. You have logic, critical thinking, and empathy. These attributes will take you a long way in life. What is happening to you now will unfold into a life experience that will make you an awesome woman.

Do well in school, go to college, you will see as your world opens up that those mean girls are not the ones that will do well.

Answer 3

I think if you're kind and you don't talk about other people - others will notice what a worthy friend you are. Forget about the mean girls. Find one other person that you've never gotten to know so well. Plan something out of school to get to know her better.

Or, join a sport or club. It's always easy to make new friends when you already are doing something you both enjoy.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Unfortunately, school age girls often form into cliques and act very immature to anybody outside of them. You're way more mature than they are - I'm sure there are other people just as mature as you that are also left out; maybe you should say hello to them instead? If they carry on like that past school age, they will be the sad ones, not you, and you should pity them.

Answer 5

I have found out that it is easier to make friends with people like yourself. The things you like to do, places you like to go and different events make sure the people you go with or meet there are interested in the same things you like. That is easier then making friends with people that you feel are above your standards. I may be stepping on your toes but stop letting people make you feel like you are beneath. Let people feel the confidence you have in yourself let that show in your walk, talk, appearance and overall moral. When you show all to people they will start to come to you as a friend. One small thing though look at what made your old friends turn to old Friends sometimes it can be actions that we show that keeps us from making really good friends. Good luck girl.

Answer 6

They have NOTHING that you don't have and you shouldn't feel the need to be like or with them. You want tobe you and find a friend that accepts you for you.

The clicks, groups, gangs, etc. They are not your friends and never will be. As you found out they will turn on you like a snake.

You just need to think of yourself as being above a "click" or "Group". You don't need that to be someone or to have a friend.

If you just relax and be patient you will find a good friend.


:o)
Jerry

Answer 7

for a popularity status they basically do what their other m8z do coz they think that the way 2 be *popular* itz best 2 do ur own thing and dont copy other people if u have ur own style people will respect that and you
ttats happened 2 me b4 but just b u n b happy..
dnt b scared of makin new m8z all da *bitches* only act the way they do coz they think it will make em popular but thatz soo not the way to go! x

Answer 8

Dude, I totally know. It's so dumb. If I were a guy, I'd rather have a smart girl than one of those. Or at least one that didn't fake it. You want an REAL dumb broad? <---------- But it's not her fault. She was born that way. I'm like, school intelligent, but I don't have a clue in the world.

Answer 9

Be grateful for all the time you have now and immerse yourself in your schoolwork. Try to excel in every subject you do and before long everyone will want to be your friend. Imagine how good it feels to know that they are all ignorant of your true potential!

Answer 10

girls can be mean..i know its hard but they are fake. Join something at school, i know its hard to find new friends when everyone has their circle of friends already.. Try hanging with a nice guy they are suckers for girls who pay attention to them and they arent backstabbers.

Answer 11

NEVER be scared to make new friends, if you never try you'll never get to know some really awesome people. and dont worry about your ex-friends.
this happened to one of my best friends at the beginning of high school..but then she found us and now we're all good friends. and this happened because she wanted to be friends with us and we were welcoming. dont worry you'll find your own little group. you just need to remember to be yourself and you'll find people who love you for who you are

good luck hun!