I am 30 years old, and my biological father and mother were once married, but ended on bad terms. I have never met him, and he last saw me when I was 4 months old. My mom is supportive of me meeting him, now anyway, but I don't know what to say. I have written him a couple of times, and we've talked on the phone twice, but very brief. I am worried about giving him too much information about my life in case he is not a nice guy. From his letters I don't think he's a bad guy, but you never know. I now have my own family, and feel very cautious.
2006-10-13 08:33:54 · 9 answers · asked by Bky 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well, if you are meeting him face to face to try and develop a relationship...you can start by asking him about his life over the past 30 years. Ask if he is married, any other kids. Ask about where he has been and what he ahs been doing.
I wouldn't go into the whole "why haven't you been in touch thing" to start.
If you want to form a bond, you need to see if it can happen naturally. I would let him do most of the talking. If he doesn't ask much, tell him what you would like him to know.
Don't delve into details that you don't feel completely comfortable with. I would wait some time before sharing where you live, work, where your spouse/boyfriend works, etc.
Those things shouldn't be important to him right now anyway.
This is where you show3 your personality. It's like an interview for a job. Be yourself, but your "best self". Watch the tongue, but don't hide YOU.
If you want to see him face to face simply out of curiosity (with little intention of a bond/relationship), ask about family history, health, etc.
Ask how he has been doing and that you are pleased to finally meet. But leave it at that and keep it brief. 30 minutes at the most.
If, by chance, he is a talker and goes on and on or gets emotional for any reason, try to check your own emotions at the door.
I would right now focus on this being a fact finding mission and little else.
See where it leads. You never know. GOOD LUCK!
2006-10-13 08:42:58 · answer #1 · answered by kcarp73 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in your situation. I met my biological father at the age of 29. Yes, it was an uncomfortable situation. Brazen as I am and not knowing if I would elect to ever have a relationship with him, I decided to have the event video taped. As soon as I sat down, He immediately told me how nervous he was which immediately put me at ease. I then asked him questions I wanted to know - like medical history, information about the family tree on his side, any half brothers and sisters, etc. We shared a light hearted conversation and then went out to eat. He died shortly thereafter. Meeting my father made me realize how much I never wanted to be like him and live my life the way he decided to live his. Nevertheless, I am glad that I tracked him down and met him before he died. It set a part of me free.
I hope that whatever you experience upon meeting your bioligical father the first time, that your spirit will grow from the experience of solving the mystery. (who's my father)
Good luck and God BLess
2006-10-13 08:56:35 · answer #2 · answered by beautifulonlinebabefantasy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand what you're going through. My husband hadn't talked to his dad since his parents divorced when the was 15. His mom totally hated his dad and she insisted that he was a total creep and a monster, but she could never back it up with anything. Finally after 11 years my husband and his dad got back in contact. It was akward and still is sometimes because his dad has missed out on so much of his life.
I think it is perfectly ok to be cautious about how much info you give him until you've gotten to know him better.
As for what to talk about, ask a lot of questions about him and what he's been doing your whole life. Tell him about yourself, as much as you feel comfortable talking about.
2006-10-13 08:48:55 · answer #3 · answered by Svieta 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart - you may tell the main approximately people from what they DO, not what they say. in case you pay attention to what he's DOING, he in certainty would not prefer to fulfill you in any respect, and your bio-0.5-sis is in no way going to be somebody you will study. he's in basic terms attempting to placate you - or in much less flattering, extra chilly words, he's BSing you and attempting to fend your attentions off civilly. He could be a "superb guy" - yet he isn't attracted to having any sort of a dating with you different than an occasional chat on the telephone. I doubt that he became pleasantly shocked or satisfied. You do look somewhat life like approximately your expectancies - he won't be a dad to you.. yet he isn't now or ever going to be extremely attracted to assembly you or understanding approximately you and in telling you lots of substance in his existence, and you ought to settle for that. Be grateful which you have somebody on your existence who acts like a dad to you, and don't be worrying too lots approximately your bio-dad, nor pursue him too heavily.
2016-10-16 04:07:00 · answer #4 · answered by mcfee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure lots of other people will have some great ideas for you, but I'm a very practical person. One of the things you should ask about is his and his family's health history. Lots of illnesses run in families, including depression, diabetes, and cancer. Seriously, it's something every kid should learn from each parent.
If you're feeling bold, ask him if he ever regretted not getting to know you before this.
2006-10-13 08:40:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him about the time you were conceived...about what he was like in high school? Does he have any quirks? His medical history. Ask him about any major events in his life... Ask abnout your grandparents, anuts and uncles....possible brothers or sisters. What does he do for a living? Does he have any talents? It will all come to you...if you are se t at ease at some point.....your heart wil llead the way
2006-10-13 08:39:49 · answer #6 · answered by Wild seed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think meeting your biological dad for the first time could be very awkward.
I wouldn't try to go into deep conversation about life bla bla straight away, uncless you particuarly want to, or he iniciates it.
Try to maybe get to know him as a person, ice breakers etc.
2006-10-13 08:37:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well just catch up on things yall missed during them years that yall missed out on?
2006-10-13 08:36:29 · answer #8 · answered by i luv ariana alize! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he probably feels the same way you do just be honest and real and it will all work out everything will be alright if you just be yourself
2006-10-13 08:37:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋