Last night my GF got upset with me because she thought I smoked weed (she made me quit once we got together) I didn’t but she doesn’t believe me. Her reason is that she smelled it on me, well the whole house smelled so of course I would too. Well now she turned the argument in to me drinking too much, she said I always go on a mission to get wasted. I do like to drink and I occasionally get caught up in the atmosphere and drink more than I should, but it doesn’t happen every time. We at the most go out to a bar or a party once a week, I don’t drink every day and when I do drink I don’t get drunk every time. We also share a bottle of wine 2-4 times a week but now says that she only drinks so I wont drink it all.
She was in a long relationship with a guy that she says was an alcoholic. She told me that she sees the potential in me to develop a problem. I know I don’t have a problem but she accuses me of having one. She asked me if this is how our relationship is going to be and my answer was, well yes, I know I don’t have a problem and she knows I don’t but wants to break up with me because of the potential.
I know I could make the situation better but I don’t want to. I was married for 4 years and during my marriage I was always kissing her *** and making things better. Well I got tired of changing when I didn’t see a problem with my self, I got tired of kissing her ***, I got tired of letting her make me feel like I was a bad guy when I know I’m not, she noticed this and took advantage and when we broke up I felt awful for letting her do that to me. Now she’s doing the same! I’m feeling like I’m a bad guy when I know I’m not, I know if I kissed her *** this would go away and I know if I changed this would go away. Should I just let her break up with me like I think she is? This is an incredible woman that I love and live with but I don’t want to end up in a similar situation like my ex and I.
2006-10-13 08:31:04 · 18 answers · asked by 1 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I totally understand both sides of your story... Wow, only too well... Being in a relationship means compromising at times. Make sure you are not drawing this hard line in the sand because of problems you had in your past relationship. Decide what you want to do this time because it is right for you and your GF now. If she is "the one" that you believe you could marry one day and be happy with, then I would really look at what she sees and maybe cut back on the drinking. Now if this is what you choose this time, that doesn't mean you have to choose it every time. Basically, pick your battles. This is very important to her and for good reason. Is she worth losing her over this???... Only you can answer that. But remember, if you decide to let her have her way on this one, it doesn't mean you have thrown in the towel on every argument. Good luck.
2006-10-13 08:47:08 · answer #1 · answered by Couple of Cents 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't want to sound awful in saying this, but you talked about your marriage also. I was married to someone for 4 yrs , he was an alcoholic, although kept denying it, until the end. He also kissed my butt a lot to make up for the drunken outbursts the night before. Your girlfriend may be wrong, but it sounds as though you are not accepting your part in either situation at all. Don't you think it's odd that your marriage and present relationship are so alike when the only common factor is you?
Of course it's not 100% your fault but if you have any chance of having a happy relationship you need to learn from these experiences, find out what went wrong admit you played a part in it, (during divorce, neither party is 100% innocent), and then apply your knowledge.Just as your gilfriend is making u suffer for her past you are doing the same to her.
2006-10-13 08:38:08 · answer #2 · answered by flumoxed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good point i agree with you not to change, well quess what your ex wife is not your current gf. The ex wife is an bitxx, but you current isn't. So changing for her shouldn't be a problem. Once you have this thought, tell her that you are not his ex bf, and things will be different. If drinking out and she is scary that you are going to get hit by a car or get pass out then drink at home. Party like an animal at home. As for the weed, stop. Buy some flower or air cleaning machine (forgot the name) to make the house smell fresh. This is not kiss xxx, it is just making your life better. Like you said, this is an incredible woman.
2006-10-13 08:37:47 · answer #3 · answered by ken401lam 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah let it happen:) I would just break up with her. Shes treating you like you are a criminal for past relationships. She needs to realize you are not him. It bugs me when I date a guy and he thinks I'm going to be a certain way because another girl was that way. I don't like being stereotyped with others and shoved into a certain category so I do't do that to other people.
Good luck though, just talk to her and see if she comes to her sences, also maybe quit drinking a bit to save yourself some $ and to keep her happy if you want to keep her.
2006-10-13 08:36:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suggest that you write her a letter or even show her your question you wrote for yahoo. Tell her you love her. Tell her you do not believe that you have a drug or alcohol problem and see no reason to change your behaviour. Talk about your history with the other lady. Then say - what do you want to do?
2006-10-13 08:43:36 · answer #5 · answered by peggy j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that sice I'm a girl, you should probably listen to me.First of all, we girls(including women)are very stubborn.We think something and we stick to it.But, we can be persuaded. All in all (just to make this answer short),just ask her for a second chance. Actually, try to explain everything,then ask her for a second chance,even if she wasn't going to break up with you.It might help,andit won't end up like last time with your ex.
2006-10-13 08:46:17 · answer #6 · answered by Brittany S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were married before then you know first hand that women like to bring up 100 arguments over one little thing. Keep that in mind. Also, in her past relationship she dealt with someone who abused alcohol. But that's not YOU! Don't interrupt her, but next time you argue over it simply tell her, "hey that's him, not me." If she doesn't get it, then move on.
2006-10-13 08:37:57 · answer #7 · answered by Ally S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok I didn't read you're whole story but if she wants to break up with you then you really have no choice in the matter because you can't MAKE her date you. If you want to keep her talk to her in a civil conversation, if she doesn't like what you have to say then try to end things nicely.
2006-10-13 08:35:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would just let it blow over. if she really wanted to break up with you she would have. if you go out and drink once a week then maybe you could change it to every other week and make the other night a date night. i know you said that you didnt want to change but you still get to go out and you get to be with your girl. relationships are a give and take. us women are hard to please (sometimes). i dont think she is gonna break up with you. its just a harder time in your relationship.
2006-10-13 08:41:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, if she wants to break up with you, you can't stop her. It sounds like she has a lot of trust issues to work out.
Maybe you could consider couples counseling. It may help to work through your issues with a third party trained to deal with this.
2006-10-13 08:48:35 · answer #10 · answered by knittinmama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋