He refuses to include me in financial decisions while making excuses and making me feel like I can't be included. I really want to leave him, and he knows this. But when ever I get upset and get to leaving, he begs me to get back with him. What is going wrong, he doesn't want to break up but doesn't want marriage either? I am so confused to the point of leaving. Can Anyone Relate?
2006-10-13 08:10:08 · 42 answers · asked by shakira1babe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
stop wasting your life with this bum and find someone that appreciates you. Marriage is not going to change him. Marriage is a piece of paper. Everything that bothers you now will be the same, the only difference will be leaving will be more complicated.
to April , the girl's answer above mine who deosn't get men. We do this becuase you sleep with us before marriage. Up until 50 years ago guys got married because they wanted to get laid. Until you ladies get your heads together and collectivly decide to stop giving the cookies away for free, men are going to continue to take advantage of the situation.
2006-10-13 08:13:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like my first marriage. He was also quite a bit older than me. We didn't have kids, I didn't have to take that into consideration. However, it took a long time to admit it, but I finally had to face facts that he was emotionally abusive to me. We tried counseling and by then there was so much anger built up it couldn't help. I brought him with me to see my own therapist and she finally yelled at him, after he went on a tirade and said, "Is this how you talk to her all the time? Look at her!" and I was all hunched over. I had no self-esteem. It was awful. It took that objective viewpoint for me to realize that I had to leave. Someone actually witnessed how he was treating me and reflected it back to me. I left a week later. Your man can still be in the children's life, even if he is not your partner. Things will change, but kids are very adaptable. You really have to do what is best for your kids' future, and when you said that you don't want your little girl to think it's OK for daddy to put mommy down and make her cry, THAT is what you should think about. You also have the right to be happy and to be free to find someone who loves you truly and treats you with respect. That's the way it should be! Good luck to you - I really know how it is. And it will be SO MUCH BETTER after you spend some time by yourself, learning about yourself, growing, and realizing that you are a real treasure and a wonderful person who deserves every good thing in the world!
2016-05-21 23:23:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm usually totally against ultimatums but in this case it may be the only solution. I think that five years is long enough to know whether or not you want to be with someone forever. I seriously don't know why some people are so afraid of marriage. If you want to get married and have a family some day and it seems that he doesn't then you will just end up miserable in the long run. You will just regret the time you have wasted so it might be best to get out now rather than later if he doesn't come around. I'm sure you will be okay! Good Luck!
2006-10-13 08:13:49 · answer #3 · answered by Amaya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't relate, but if you want to leave...that's probably why he doesn't want to discuss marriage. He wants things to stay the same--greedy little boy wanting all the candy and no responsibility. If you want a commitment, you'll have to leave this guy and find somebody who'll give you one.
People take what you let them take. He's gotten used to being with you and not having to treat you as an equal. I guess you could try giving him an ultimatum--since you're thinking of leaving, anyway, this might be a good way to push yourself out the door. Just be honest and say what's bothering you--you'll never be happy while you have this resentment simmering and never get it resolved. He won't change unless you give him a good reason to. In five years, he hasn't moved the relationship ahead, and that's been plenty of time.
Move ahead or break it off--you deserve to be in a relationship, not in a holding pattern. And remember--as long as he's with you, you could be holding him back from a truly satisfying relationship with someone who doesn't want to break up with him.
2006-10-13 08:16:29 · answer #4 · answered by SlowClap 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. I would stop making idle threats first, you have to be true to your words. If you don't want to be in a relationship that is not going in a positive direction, then get out. Where the money is concerned; If your money is combined in an account at this point. I would stop doing that. Get your own account for starters. This is a small but concise step to show him that if he is not trying to move forward toward marriage with you, then you are moving forward also. If you aren't sharing an account together then, he is probably not including you in financial decisions because you aren't married, and he feels that what he makes and how he spends it is not your concern.
2006-10-13 08:35:47 · answer #5 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh yes, I can. I have been with mine for 4 1/2 years. Its either he really loves you but there are things that you have that he doesnt want in live. Do you have kids or previous marriage? Maybe he is waiting for someone like you but without whatever it is you have. Its so hard to read minds. Im in the same boat. Its up to you to decide when you are through. Unfortunately for men, When a women is fed up there is nothing you can do about it. Good luck, I can relate.
2006-10-13 08:14:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's getting what he wants out of your relationship - of course he will beg you to come back! It'll take him a while to find another sucker like you who's going to be willing to waste several years on a relationship with no further committment. You don't have all the time in the world, girl; no one's getting any younger. Better wise up and figure out what you want. If you want a family - then start looking for a person with similar goals. Don't wait 'til it's too late.
2006-10-13 08:18:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Next time really leave if only for a day or two.He does not want to commit . But wants all the convenience of a relationship.You Know what I mean. You have got to be bold enough to make a decision that works for you.That getting upset may just be a ploy to keep you there for his convenience Take my word for It ...I know the Type.
2006-10-13 08:19:18 · answer #8 · answered by Sugar 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is afraid of marriage. Don't force him into something that he is not ready for. If you really want to leave him go. If you don't, you are going to prolong the agony. It's obvious that you two want something difference right now and it's not fair for him to ask you to compromise what you want and it's not fair for you to ask him to compromise on what he wants. Walk away. Maybe later down the road if you are still on the market, he will be ready. But if you continue to force this relationship you will end up resenting him in the long run. Life is too short to be unhappy
2006-10-13 08:18:22 · answer #9 · answered by drubaby32698 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years, living with him for the last 6 months. I brought up marriage on Tuesday night and tonight he is coming by to get the rest of his stuff and is moving out. I just don't get men.
2006-10-13 08:12:56 · answer #10 · answered by apriljm76 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋