Why did she do that?

Question

My cousin Patty and I are close. Her husband was caught cheating on her. I offered her a place with me in my guest room. I’m not worried about her paying me or anything it’s family. However with in 24 hours she goes back to him? I am so mad at her, but I can’t yell at her incase she leaves him again.

But what is going on with her? She’s been cheated on before and knows the hurt, but her husband was caught with someone else and she returns to him within 24 hours? Were so close and i wish she seen it like everyone else does. Why did she do that?

Answer 1

I have been in similar situations when my friends have returned to no good men - cheaters, beaters you name it.

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do more than you have done. Let them know that you will always offer them a place to stay when they need it.

Sometimes the girls have really low self esteem and can't cope at the moment with the thought of being by themselves, sometimes this is because the man has sapped them of their self respect. Other times the girl is a drama queen who needs the attention.

You can't help them unless they are willing to help themselves - i know this is frustrating and upsetting on the outside but somethings we can't control.

However you are with in your rights to say that you will not talk about or listen to the complaints about the guy anymore - say that you have nothing more to say on the issue and don't want to here anymore as long as they stay in that situation. I think this is also one of the most effective ways of pressing home how you feel about a situation - providing it is something you say very occassionally. Truth be told i had a friend say this to me about one no good boyfriend and it really brought it home how bad the situation was if a best friend said this to me.

Sometimes no good comes from talking about it once you have laid out the ground rules.

She has to deal with it in her own way - it doesn't mean you necessarily have to listen to her go on about it especially when she is not in physical danger.

Answer 2

It's hard to say. But, if you've never been in that situation then you shouldn't judge her. It is very hard to deal with. And there are so many emotions that are involved when someone has an affair. The best advice I can give you is to be there for her. When she asks for your advice, be honest with her and tell her what you think. She needs friends and family now more than ever. I know it's hard to watch someone you love be hurt, but support her. I know that eventually she's going to wake up and realize that a man that can cheat on her is a piece of crap! Hang in there. Be supportive

Answer 3

Well, you shouldn't yell at her anyway. Why should you? It is her life to live isn't it? Why are you mad at her? I could see why you would be worried about her or scared for her or concerned, but mad? If you are really going to be there for her then just allow her to do what she needs to do, even if that means getting hurt again. She will eventually figure out that he doesn't mean it when he saids he's sorry and that he doesn't mean it when he says he won't do that again. And until she does figure it out for herself no one can make her see it. Remember that people have a much clearer picture of things when they are looking from the outside in.

Why did she go back to him? Probably because he said what she wanted to hear. When you have been cheated on the one thing you want is for that other person to want you, to say "please come back". And your desire to "win" kicks in and you don't want that other woman to win. You want to take back your man (whether you really want HIM or not). After awhile you move past those things though and thats when you say "Forget it, I'm done. You've hurt me enough". If he continues to cheat on her she will reach that point, but you won't be able to shove her towards it. Just let her deal with it however she needs to in order to get there.

Answer 4

She has a very co-dependent personality and probably believes that the world begins and ends with that jackass.

You should sit her down and in a non-confrontational way tell her how you feel. Say something like, "You know, I'm worried about you. "Jim" is really playing you and it kills me to see you suffer the way you are!" Open the door gently and she'll hopefully be more receptive to constructive help and not see it as criticism or an attack on her character.

Answer 5

Until youve been through it you will never understand...i went back twice.....its hard to accept that everything in yourlife is changing, people feel more comfortable leaving things like they are....most people eventually have enough and get out. Dont give up on her...support her and be there to catch her next time

Answer 6

It's hard to give up something or someone you give alot of your time too. And, once that something is gone, it is like going into withdrawl. Just let her know what you think, and then support her in whatever decision she makes. She will realize his true colors after awhile, and you will need to be there to catch her when she falls.

Answer 7

Sometimes the making up is very sweet.
Sometimes she has the greatest influence over him immediately after the blow up.
Sometimes she is emotionally dependent and they are co-dependent.
Sometimes she expects to be abused because she is inadequate.
Sometimes she can make it work if she just tries harder.
Sometimes she believes him.
Those are common reasons. Usually it is a stew of several.

Answer 8

Good for her. A lifetime is not worth ruining over a little indiscression or two.
Come on now! He came home just like all good dogs do! He loves her...

Answer 9

Leave her be and do not get involved; it's none of your business. Just be there for her when she needs it - it's her life, she makes her own choices.

Answer 10

shes emotionaly dependent on this guy. she needs an intervention to expose this and she needs to learn she can be just as strong on her own if not stronger