My husband of 13 years left me for one of his co-workers who of course is ten years younger than I am. He cheated on me with her for months. Two months before their relationship began we were making long term plans for the future and then all of a sudden he is "not happy". We have a 9 year old son who lives with me primarily - he visits his Dad every other weekend. He is very hurt by all of this and I am doing my best to get him through this. I do not bad mouth his Dad or the other woman. All of this happened in six months! We are divorced now. I do my best not to contact my ex because he is like a stranger. How do I get through all this without becoming bitter. He made such a fool of me. I feel like an idiot. Plus it hurts to see him move on so quickly while I am taking things one day at a time. That makes me angry at myself. Do you ever get over this feeling of disappointment? How do you not let all of this change you in a negative way? I do not want to be bitter but it is hard?
2006-10-13 07:41:13 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Be sure to keep in mind that all this had NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. This was strictly your ex going through his own "changes" and making decisions independent of you, and it is ABSOLUTELY no reflection on your worth, competence, or loveability. People change, and when they do they often change their cicumstances. You can now afford to be proud and happy that you are free of that prison of being with someone who didn't love you, so use this beautiful new sense and reality of freedom and go out and LIVE!
2006-10-13 07:49:26 · answer #1 · answered by backinbowl 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame you for feeling the way you do! It would be surprising if you didn't feel all this anger and resentment. My husband walked out on me after 4 years of marriage, after just having come back from visiting my parents for the first time, after meeting the whole family, calling them "mom" and "dad"; after all this - he said "I want a divorce", and went to live with another woman. Man did I feel like a fool! My whole family was involved, it was so unbelievably hurtful and embarrassing. And we didn't even have kids to deal with. But everything gets better... Day by day, things got better and better, until the whole incident receded into the past. My friends kept me sane, so many people stepped in and showed their compassion; I lived with a friend of mine for a little while, just to help me get over the initial shock; then my mom came to visit for a few weeks and helped me move. And things kinda got better from then on. Now, almost 6 years later, I'm married to a wonderful man... I can only thank my ex now for releasing me from a dysfunctional relationship, and letting me find someone who is stable and respectful. My ex is as dysfunctional as ever... I guess I get just a tinge of satisfaction sometimes when I hear about his latest antics (breaking up with yet another girlfriend, not being able to pay his bills, etc), but by and large it doesn't really matter now.
Unfortunately, one has to live through the pain before they can move on. But make an effort to keep yourself "together", whatever it takes. Good luck.
2006-10-13 07:57:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take care of yourself. Understand that you have no control over the situation. Accept it and begin moving on with your life.
Do things that will improve things for yourself and your son. Get back in touch with your friends. Start building a support system. Keep a journal of your feelings, write to him a letter that you don't intend on sending, listing how you feel about what he did, and keep it in your journal.
You can't change the present situation, but you can improve your own life. Be supportive with your son, he needs you now more than ever. You're right in not badmouthing your ex and his gf; let your son know that "things happen" and it's no one's fault. You must remember that it isn't your fault either.
He (your son) must never ever be taught to hate. If he's made to see bad things in either parents, it will affect his own self-esteem, because he's still a part of both of you.
In time you will look back on this and thank his gf for taking him away from you. Get involved in things you like to do.
Go through the grieving period and write each one down. Don't get stuck in the angry period. That's where many make a mistake. Remember not to ever wish bad things on him because it will only come back to you.
Take care of you first, cause no one else will.
2006-10-13 07:53:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a jerk! Just look to the future! It's full of all possibilities! Know there is something better out there for you. Don't be angry at yourself, you did nothing wrong. I know it hurts real bad, but time will heal you. Stay strong for your Son. You aren't an idiot, you were a loving trusting wife and it is HE who should feel ashamed. He is a lousy Father and lousy husband and if life is just, she will cheat on him, and give him aids! Best of luck hang on it gets better. Been there too!
2006-10-13 07:49:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is hard to live with someone and then not to ( Been there twice ) it leaves a big empty space,, the only thing I can suggest is focus on you and your son, men come and go, but your son needs you for life,, Kids always have a secret wish mommy and daddy get back together,, you will heal, and learn and be bitter, I sure am but I try not to be, I learned hard lessons, and it changed me for the rest of my life, and hence relationships I might have,
2006-10-13 07:44:35 · answer #5 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well maybe knowing that most people who divorce for the person they had an affair with dont work out.
Other than that, you need to stay positive and do things that make you happy. Start planning outings with the family.
Get your mind off of it, and try to move on.
It's hard :(
Best of Luck,
Drew Bryant
2006-10-13 07:46:41 · answer #6 · answered by drew.bryant 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I will not tell you to try to forget, because that is not possible, or for that matter, not to be bitter. Do try this, get out, meet new people, try new things, even with your son along. Go out on adventures with your son, go to movies or to the park, the zoo. Try to get up and out, keep your self busy. If you brood on this to long you will become bitter, and that will be reflected on your son.
2006-10-13 07:51:49 · answer #7 · answered by wallcritter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he cheated on you with her, he will cheat on her with another girl down the road. You can almost bet on it. The best way to get over it is to realise he is really a loser and a game player. One day he may regret the choices he made in life.
2006-10-13 07:46:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-19 08:16:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will feel a lot better when you find someone else that treats you respectfully- and believe me you will. There are NICE men out there.
2006-10-13 13:25:42 · answer #10 · answered by jenlovely01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋