My wife masturbates, what do I do?

Question

I caught her the other day. I feel asleep in the couch for 3 minutes. I woke up and she was in the bedroom with vibrator in position. I felt she couldn't wait for me to fall asleep to go get off. This morning it was when I was in the shower, I walked out and caught her again. She denied this morning though. Last week when I woke up and caught her she said come and join me. But I felt she only made love to me because I caught her. Now you must know that often we go 1 week or 2 or more between making love. I feel she's turning to her vibrator instead of me. We've been married less then a year also. Also she tells me that I am the right size and I totally satisfy her. So if that's true then why masturbate so much? It would be different I guess if we made love a couple times a week. She does tell me that I should also teke care of myself. But I get no satisfaction at all from that. What do I do? Ignore it? Get therapy? Please I could use both a male and female opinion.

Maybe I should elaborate more. I never turn my wife down when she wants to make love. I do masturbate with her also. Yes, it's a turn on when we do it together. But it's when she goes behind my back and does it. Then weeks go by of no sex with her but she plays with herself.

Answer 1

dont take offense, but sometimes we know what to do and when to do it cause we can feel the reactions to our bodies while we're doing it. Everytime can be a different sensitivity.. so we have to be harder or softer.. whatever it is.. we just feel it inside.

because you feel the way you do is probably why your wife is now trying to hide it. i dont think she wants you to feel bad or inadequate, sometimes it's just easier for us to go and do it ourselves so that it is just done.. nothing else to do after (kissing, cuddling, talking, etc. not that we dont like to DO that kinda thing, it's just sometimes we dont, just like men feel sometimes..) we also dont have to consider anyone once we've done the deed for ourselves.. which is kinda nice as women are notorious for always putting others first.

i wouldnt worry about it.. but maybe you should offer sex more? see what happens! or maybe go out and buy sex book or something. I just bought this book of invitations to sexual deeds. I cant remember what it's called, but it has invites for male and female to send to eachother which are sealed but show symbols of how much money and what you are going to need.. it has instructions for the giver (that you read before you send the invite) and it tells you what is going to be asked of you. It's a great big book and EXCELLENT for initiating and creating curiousity for the receiver of the invite! Let me go and find the book.. i'll tell you the name of it..

52 invitations to grrreat sex by Laura Corn

Great book for adding exciting new things!

Answer 2

Why don't you take her vibrator and hide it under her pillow shortly before bed time and when the two of you get in bed, take it out and turn it on and move it slowly into position. Then tell her, "show how to do it the way you like it." Have her teach you what feels real good and then you can help her with it and I am willing to bet that your 1 time a month will happen a lot more. If you are only doing it that much, it is no wonder she has turned to the vibrator. You need to initiate it with the vibrator and then have her show you what really works for her. It will mean a lot to her and I am sure you will enjoy it as well...

Answer 3

Ok, some women have higher sex drives that need to be filled and some men think it is normal to wait a week or two before having sex. I personally need it twice a day and I only get it every other week. So I know how your wife feels! You need to satisfy her needs more often! Let her know that your not an old man! Dont feel bad though, she just has a higher sex drive than you do. It is perfectly normal. Just be greatful she is using her vibrator and not cheating on you with other guys to fulfill her needs! Hope this helps! =)

Answer 4

Your wife masturbates with a vibrator, so what? Join her. She's getting her jollies from the machine, put your own touch in there, start stroking her and fondling. If you think she's separating her affections, restore them by participating.

Of course, if that bothers her, then she will get the message and modify her behavior. If that doesn't bother her, then maybe you can join her in getting her to her climax--but take personal notes, she may be touching herself or reaching somewhere where you aren't. People often do something some call mirroring. If she is touching her breasts in certain ways she could first be doing it because it is pleasant and helpful and she could second be doing it because she is wanting you to do that for her, so the thing for you to do is touch her like she is touching herself. Notice the position, the action she's doing with her vibrator and lear how she wants what she wants. The fabulous thing about sex is if she can get there and you can figure out how she likes to get there, it can be an awful lot of fun learning from that and getting her there. Watch, learn, and join in to do.

Answer 5

Both men and women masturbate for different reasons. It's possible that your wife thinks she will impose on you if she asks you to satisfy her more often. Or she feels something is missing in the relationship and she turns to the vibrator for pleasure. You need to open the lines of communication here and find out what the underlying problem is.

Answer 6

I don't feel the same as most of these people. I don't think either should while married it robs from the relationship. If you restrain yourself it will force you and your wife to talk and be more in tune with each other and make sex so much better.I don't feel its "Natural" natural would be you and your wife having sex.Now if both of you are into that then so be it..However If only one of you are then it's a big problem I understand you wont join her like some say but thats weird and unnatural I believe.

Answer 7

How often are you initiating sex with her? If she wants it more than you, then she may just have a higher sex drive than you. Let her enjoy her masturbation and help her out if it's fun for both of you. Many guys complain that their ladies don't have any sex drive. Your wife doesn't have this problem, so enjoy that. If you are really concerned that she's enjoying the vibrator more than you, then you need to talk about it with her. She'll tell you what's on her mind if you only ask.

Answer 8

Let it be said that I am very satisfied with my sex life, my husband and I go at it everyday if not more but... I STILL MASTURBATE! It is normal and healthy on the psychological and physiological side of things. My man is actually relieved and turned on by the fact that I enjoy sex so much. I think you need to talk to your wife about it, this doesn't sound like a big deal to me at all.

Answer 9

Conflict or anger itself does not have to cause an irreparable rift between partners. With good communication skills and a shared commitment to a marriage, even these are surmountable. How to save your marriage https://tr.im/htIzj

However, at that point where one partner is at the brink of abandoning the relationship, how can the remaining partner save their marriage? If you are at the point where your spouse has asked for a divorce, what can you do?

You must realize first that, you do have a choice. Often, when confronted by a crisis, we find ourselves backed into a corner thinking we have no choice in the matter. How can we change the situation when it involves another person's feelings or decisions? While we cannot, must not and in no way manipulate, blackmail or threaten our partner into changing their mind, we can actually control how we react to the situation. If anything, you must realize that you still have control over yourself. You have the opportunity to look inward and take responsibility for your own feelings and actions and even have the chance to take personal inventory of what your partner is trying to tell you. Are there points in your marriage that must be changed? If so, respond appropriately and proactively.

Answer 10

So..
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Cheers ;)

Answer 11

Well, I've been married to my husband for five years now. We have sex twice a week, sometimes more, but that's the average. We both masterbate. Though we only do that when we're horny and the other is not here, or other wise just not available for pleasure.

We've caught each other a few times, and that always turns into sex or a game of sorts. So the next time you catch her, BANG HER! She'll love it, it's obviously what she wants. Sometimes I masterbate just to get busted and play all innocent when he catches me. Its fun.

I don't know, have fun with it =) Good luck man.