What about lust?

Question

This question is for people who intend to stay faithful to their spouses.

Sometimes I feel fairly strong feelings of lust for women other than my wife. This could be a woman at the mall, driving the car the next lane over, at the pool, at work, or wherever. I do not act on these feelings (other than looking), nor do I plan to do so. On the contrary, I am going to remain faithful to my wife.

Nonetheless, experiencing these feelings makes me feel guilty, but should it?

If so, what could I do to stop the lust other than staying inside my house 24/7 or gouging my eyes out? How do you stop yourself from feeling it when you begin to feel lust?

If not, what should I tell myself about feeling lust in order not to feel guilty about it? In other words, why is it OK for me to feel lust, under the circumstances I describe?

Thanks everyone for some GREAT, thought-out answers! It is going to be super hard to choose a Best Answer.

For Gayle, I have some answers for you: I have been married for 20 years, and yes, I definitely lust for my wife too. My feelings of lust for other women are not long-lasting; they typically go away shortly after the woman leaves my line of sight. While I have not been to church in a long time, that was an important part of my childhood, so I can't deny that my sense of morality at least partly derives from my religious upbringing.

Answer 1

I read something about this awhile back. From the information I gathered, it is okay to do this but not to act on it as you stated you intend not to do. Men have a tendency to look more than women, but women do look. As long as you have respect enough for you partner not to do it in front of her, or become a complete pig (e.g. saying "a woman is hot, I'd do her" right in front of her or more importantly when she is not around) about it, it is harmless. I use to have this problem too where I didn't want my boyfriend looking at other women but as I grew older I noticed I was looking just as much as them--there are just as many good looking men as women. But of course I have enough respect for the guy I'm with and not to say anything in front of him or when he's not around. If we lived in a perfect world, of course I would want a husband that never looked at another woman and I wouldn't look at other men but we don't live in a perfect world. So the closest we can come to perfection is to look and that is it; not to say anything or to act on it. So please be rest assured this is normal, I hope to find a guy that is similiar to you are and is dedicated to be faithful and have enough respect for me not to be a pig. I hope this helps some.

Answer 2

Dear Faithful Husband:
I myself feels lust when I see someone other than my lover and pangs of guilt grips away at my heart ,eating out at the centre of my commonsense!Yes , like you I too intend to stay faithful to my partner but lust often makes me feel so low, so small and so guilty! I have resolved to put this feeling aside and I have found that my little dilema is decreasing. I do hope that it will help you too!
It is natural for us to feel lust for the opposite sex, and marriage or anyother committment doesnot mean that our feelings are dead, so just as we breathe, cry, eat and love , we still have those fantasies of our teenage years and we are still young inside. Our heart never grows old and love is always there, desires inborn.
But God gave us commonsense and the right to distinguish right from wrong but some of us tend not to hear the warning and adhering to our vows and good judgement and betrays the trust of our loved ones.
Because you are feeling guilt of this lust-( which is the evil twin of hate) it means that you are a righteous person and have great self control.
You could suppress these feelings by tending not to stare too much at the woman driving by or if these feelings do come to you try not to think abt them and go the second level and act on it! Just picture your wife when you have these feelings , think abt your vows, think abt how God will sin you and think abt the negative consequences of your actions!
And remember you are human and you are bound to err, but the greatest quality in you is that you recongise your error and is acting on it! Just try to suppress these lustful thoughts, pray more and have more romance ( the ones you lust for) with your spouse!
I n due time you may find your lustful actions diminishing. Good Luck!
Love Sanam

Answer 3

i am glad you feel guilty it shows you are a good husband alot of men look and act. i wish you had said how long you have been married or if you ever felt LUST for your wife. a man is a man i do not care if he looks ,he is not blind and i'm not either. there are alot of hot people in this world. i would like to know how long it stays on your mind? are you a strong church man? that would make you feel worse, i wish i knew how srong it was, but i would say it is ok to LOOK. go shopping with your wife and stay HOT for each other. hold your wifes hand everywhere you go. kiss her before you leave, and do not tell her, or any women or they will come after you to see if they can get you, let alll women know you can not be had. good luck and let us know how it is going...you are a great husband so far.

Answer 4

It's admirable that you want to still remain faithful to yor wife, though you have some strong urges all the time !
i feel, you are sexually not satisfied with your wife alone, and have a strong desire to have a passionate affair, or even a one night stand, but don't have enough mustle to muster the courage to do so .
this might result in you losing your so called self control, and sleeping with some one one fine day, or night ?
instead of looking lustily, why can't you have some female friends, who would mitigate your need for other company ?
do not fool yourself ! there is a marked difference between passion and lust. those women who observe your lust, will brand you lecherous. may be if your sexual appetite is a little unsatiable, you could go to the commercial sex workers, and practise safe sex, once in a while, so you are normal, and not craving. do it skillfully, and guard your health also.

Answer 5

I don't think you should feel guilty... I think its perfectly natural to "lust" after women you see out and about... Your not acting on it... It's difficult not to lust over an attractive woman, I think it's just the nature of man... I work with so many "hotties" I always wonder what it would be like to be with them... sexually... but I keep it to myself and try not to make it obvious that I am checking them out... Even as I get older I don't see myself slowing down... my wife told me last night " your not a guy that is ever going to need Viagra are you?" My reply was, nope I don't think so... Too much testosterone or something... I just love women, that's all there is to it.

Answer 6

you are a man it's perfecly normal to lust for women...it's called the need for variety. You love your "perfect" wife and would not change anything. Yes, theses chicks out here are different, exciting in different ways from your wife and your man voice is calling/yelling, get it get it.

I think all men experience, jsut some men ae stronger than others. Some men know how to turn this urge off. Others go with the flow. It's so easy for a man to cheat and mean nothing to them, Their wife's wouldn't even come to thought. But when, b/c she will FIND OUT.... Ask yourself?????Was that 6 minutes of peasure worth a life time without her in your life. Think for the future, "cause and effect; because I lust for a whore that said she only want me for sex, and my wife will never find out", the effect is, my wife did find out, and now I have VD, paying spousal support, child support, and watching my family loved by another man, whom that same whorish woman approached and he said "No" to.

Life is about choices which one do you choose. Play the game, but play to win. Tell your wife to role play, or go to Lovers Lane, an adult toy store and Lust your heart away with new ways to make love to your wife.

Good luck

Answer 7

You're a man and we know that you all think with your lower extremeties. Have you never read an artcile about how many times Mr. Dick is at attention? It's normal, some women are the same, only we don't show. Don't feel guilty, as long as you're staying faithful to your wife, it's normal. Remember the only thing free in this world are your thoughts and nobody has to know them, including your wife. They're yours, only!
Good Luck!

Answer 8

Sorry, this is not an answer. I just want to say I am in the same boat except, I am a WOMAN. I can't help it either. I know how you feel ... I do not want to cheat on my fiance, but I can feel the lust and pulling attraction to some men in the pit of my stomach.

Answer 9

It is perfectly normal to be physically attracted to the opposite sex even if you are happily in love with your spouse.

Just keep doing what you are doing in realizing that these attractions are what they are... just lust. Lust can't compare to Love and will never be as enduring.

And a little FYI... women experience the same lustful thoughts as men do when they find themselves attracted to someone not their spouse.

It is normal.. just remember though.. acting on these urges will only bring trouble.

Answer 10

To begin with, if you didn't appreciate women's bodies, married or not, you wouldn't be a normal heterosexual male. This is perfectly normal and if you think your wife doesn't also appreciate other men's bodies, think again. It's human nature to feel attraction for others. It's the test of honor in a marriage. The universe has a way of presenting us with temptations, or more appropriately, opportunities to prove our worth. Look, but don't touch.