Was the first year of marriage hard for anyone?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 3 months. We are really struggling. We can take the smallest thing and make it into this huge fight. Our last fight I said I wanted a divorce, but I didn't mean it. I tried to take it back right after I said it but the words were already spoken. He had to go out of town for work and he won't talk to me. I call and he doesn't answer. I finally got a call from him a little while ago and he said he'd be home tonight. I asked if we were okay, he said yes, but it wasn't a very convincing yes. I feel like he said that because he is at work and doesn't want to get into it. I am so scared that this might be over. I wish that I could take back those words I said but I can't. Why is it so hard. Is marriage always like this in the beginning? Do you get through huge fights? Is it normal to have so many problems in the first year of marriage? Any experience on this would be helpful! Thanks

Answer 1

The first year of my marriage was SO hard. I really didn't think it was going to work out. We fought about stupid things all the time. The adjustment to being a we instead of two me's is very challenging. You each are accustomed to doing certain things a certain way and all of a sudden are thrown for a loop.

Justmake sure to be the best wife you can be regardless of what he says or does. If you keep score it will be a downward spiral for sure.

Like they say, "A good marriage is made of two very good forgivers."

Hang in there, it will get better!

Answer 2

I have been married for 2 years now, and the first year was horrible. It is getting better gradually though. You're adjusting to each other and are currently in what psychologists call the Power Struggle. This period can last for a long time, but at least it helps to know what's going on. You'll learn more about each other and things will get better.
Unfortunately you're already said the worst thing you could say and there's really no going back to the way your relationship was before those words. I say have a heart to heart when he comes back, see how he feels about your relationship and whether you both want to preserve and improve it. And set limitations for what you can and can't do and say in arguments, more for yourself than for him. It's hard to restrain yourself sometimes, but if you want to have a prayer of saving your marriage you need to think before you say potentially irrevocably damaging things.

Answer 3

When I was married to my ex, the first year was the hardest. He had been married before but I hadn't. I didn't know what to expect, wasn't used to having to share everything and having to put up with someone else's ways of doing things, etc. It took time, and lots of fights to get to where we were fine with each other. I really think that if we had lived together before marriage we would have been better because we would have known what each other was like, etc.

As for the fighting, try to tolerate his small stuff and communicate about anything and everything, how it makes you feel when they say or do this or that. Communication with lots of love is the key. Try NOT to fight/yell at each other. This first year is going to be hard as it is; don't make it harder than it has to be by yelling and fighting. That can, and probably will, make things worse. This is supposed to be your honeymoon period. Enjoy it! Get his ideas on how he wants things to be, put in your ideas, and come up with a compromise. Marriage is also about compromise from both of you--big time.

The two of you need to learn how to live with each other comfortably and peacefully. This will take time and practice. You need to sit down with him, very calmly, when both of you are relaxed and discuss these small things that are bothering both of you. What I would suggest is that one of you starts out saying what things bother you and why, and do this for 5 minutes. The other person can only listen and not comment during that 5 minutes. Then, when time is up, the other person comments, giving his/her 'version' of what the first person has said. If that is correct, the first person says so. If not, then the first person tries to explain it again, maybe in a different way. This goes on until the second person understands what the first person wants and why. There is NO blaming, name calling, yelling, fighting, etc. Once the second person understands what the first person wants and needs and why, then the second person becomes the first person and it starts over, with the same rules applying. OR, if this won't work for you, then maybe the two of you can make lists of what it is you want changed, worked on, what bothers you, etc, then the two of you sit down and discuss the lists WITHOUT fighting, yelling, name calling, etc.l

Whatever you do, the two of you NEED to learn how to live as one in the same household. Good luck and congrats on the marriage!

Answer 4

You get through it, with work. Marriage is work, and people fail to realize this. The first year is tough because you are learning how to go from 2 single people into a joint effort. Your priorities must change from individual priorities to "together" priorities. Him not speaking to you is not really the best answer to a problem, BUT you shouldn't have said what you said. You can never take back words you say. Words can be hurtful. You need to apologize, but it will be meaningless if you can't change your behavior to control your mouth. (even when your feelings are hurt). I would encourage you to tell him you think it would be helpful if you got some books on effective arguing so to speak. As a couple you need to recognize you will differ and disagree on many, many, many things. The key is to stay together, commit to learning how to argue and not blowing things out of proportion. I wish you much luck.

Answer 5

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RE:
Was the first year of marriage hard for anyone?
My husband and I have been married for 3 months. We are really struggling. We can take the smallest thing and make it into this huge fight. Our last fight I said I wanted a divorce, but I didn't mean it. I tried to take it back right after I said it but the words were already spoken. He had to...

Answer 6

The first year can be very tough, my wife and I have a fantastic relationship, but we used to have arguements over lttle things blow up, the thing we've both learned is that you have to pick your fights, keep the little things little,
When you are living together its a partnership between two differnet people, no matter how much yod like to think you are alike. Things that are important to you may not be important to them.
When you have a disagreement it isnt a matter of winning the fight, or for one to force their will on the other. Its a matter of reaching an agreement yo both can live with.
Apologize for using the divorce word and promise yo will never do that again. He is very hurt by it and probably unsure of where things stand.

Answer 7

I'm sorry this has been so hard for you faith. Our first year was extreemly difficult and from what I hear most peoples are. I told my wife that she had until our 1 year anniversary to get it together. Getting used to being part of a partnership is difficult as we come to grips with not being completely free individuals anymore. Good luck. But don't think that having some kids will solve your problems.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

The first year was great, and so have been the last 17. You are really going to have to check your temper and start counting to ten or something - words really hurt; you should know that. It really isn't normal to have so many fights - but then, the petty little things that couples argue about are not about those petty little things - there is always a bigger issue underlying it. That is what the two of you have to discover - who is resentful of what and why.
For me, the hardest part of the first year was actually having someone sleeping in the same bed as me - that took months to get used to!

Answer 10

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