My parents are divorced and I live in Utah. I am currently going to college, but live closer to my dad and lived with him the year before. My mom lives in California, but I lived with her for most of my life. My dad and his wife want me to put the baby up for adoption. My mom wants me to move in with her. My fiance's parents want us to live with them, but I am afraid his mom is going to push her religion on me. I don't know what to do. What would you do???
2006-10-13 06:19:18 · 60 answers · asked by ♥Me 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
My fiance's parents are strict mormon.
2006-10-13 06:44:10 · update #1
First of all, I would write out a pro's and con's list out on a sheet of paper for each scenario you've brought up. It is sometimes easier to make a decision when you can look at it in black and white. Secondly, look at your financial situation. Are you stable enough to support yourself as well as a child? Is the fiancee' financially willing and able to support a new family? If so, your best bet may be to get your own place and raise your family, and not succumb to the wants and needs of others. Although their intentions may be good, it may not be the best thing for your child in the first years of learning. Children pick up every little thing the first 2 years of their lives. What kind of environment would you want your child to grow up in? Those kind of questions can help a lot in a decision like this, but ultimately, you being the mother, it is your decision alone. Good luck!
2006-10-13 06:24:03 · answer #1 · answered by Erica R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my this is a tough one. Because I am a Mom I'll tell you it's a wonderful experience. However being a mom is tough and very expensive. If you have to go and live with someone and haven't finished school yet it's going to be even tougher. Your fiance?, better make em your husband quick or you'll end up a single mom and thats 10x worse.
Giving a child up for adoption is tough and will haunt you for the rest of your life. I wish you were 18 days pregnant I'd tell you to abort.
Bottom line if you have a good support system then go for it congrats, but make sure you finish college it'll help. You'll need a good job to pay for child care, about $125.00/week, formula and diapers about $100/wk, prozac about $100/mo (you're gonna need it) for the stress caused by sleepless nights and a hollering azz baby. Beware you won't be able to go out partying much anymore, no one is going to want to baby sit. Oh and by the way careful of the reaction from your fiance once you gain the weight and get those darn stretch marks.
Good luck honey you have a tough decision to make.
Oh as you can see i didn't dare glorify being a new mom. But there are good things about it too, the baby's smile, the smell of a baby is sooooo sweet, those curly locks are adorable, those first steps are glorifying and the first word will kill ya, God you gotta love babies they are God's little angels. But they're also a pain in the keister.
NY-Girl-In-NC
2006-10-13 06:32:21 · answer #2 · answered by Jazz 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
FOLLOW YOUR HEART. don't let anyone tell you what to do. Dont go anywhere where you will be stressed out, because it is bad for the baby. i wouldnt put the baby up for adoption because i am sure you would regret it later. live where you, your fiance & the baby will be most happy, relaxed & secure at. If you choose to live w/ his mom, don't let her force anything on you that you are not ready for. Reading the Bible is good, but I can understand if she is a different religion, it can kinda make ya nervous. Just let her know how you feel if thats what you choose to do. If you don't plan on giving the baby up for adoption, i would tell your dad how you feel. if you are closer with your mom, thats prob where u would feel most comfortable at. you could do that until you & your fiance could save up enough money to live together, or if your mom has an extra room, pay her rent. im sure she wouldnt mind! do what you feel is right. dont forget to include your baby in all your decisions. GOOD LUCK!
2006-10-13 06:29:37 · answer #3 · answered by Ashley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get an unstressful job, that you can do while you are pregnant. Pick up your college after the baby is born and you are able to go back to school.
You should have enough money saved by then. Get government assistance if you really need it.
They have childcare programs that the government will provide at little or no cost to you.
If all else fails, you can always live with the ones that want you to keep the baby..... OF COURSE!!!
And as far as the religious beliefs, she can try to push them on you, you just don't have to accept her faith.
She could also help with the baby.
This seems to be the best decision.
GOOD LUCK and BEST WISHES!!!!
♥
=0)
2006-10-13 06:44:27 · answer #4 · answered by Stacy M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your baby, and your decision. I would NOT live with your fiance's parents....that could cause a LOT of unnecessary drama.
Are you able to get an apartment on your own? Or go and live with your Mom until you get married? You need to be in the place where you have the most support so you can raise your baby!
2006-10-13 06:22:36 · answer #5 · answered by HoosierMommy06 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well there seems to be two decisions here:
-what do you want to do with the baby
-where do you want to live
If you get on well with your friend's parents, well that seems to be a good place to be. I am not quite sure that religion should be a problem, unless they are really into it. They should be able to respect your beliefs.
Obviously, being with your mum is always comfy if you get on well with her. It also has to do with geographics here. Were can you carry your studies? Let's be pragmatical.
Whatever you decide, you need to have in mind that keeping the baby with you (ideal, for a mum, of course) means a lot of work etc. So, the more support you get from the more loving and supportive people, the better. Do not drop your studies in any case, that is my advice. (I suppose your heart tells you not to drop the baby at this stage, but that is me)
2006-10-13 06:28:43 · answer #6 · answered by Claire 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do whatever is gonna make you happiest. Your best bet sounds like at your fiance's parents' place. You're already going to school there, why give that up? And you don't want to give up the baby either I'm assuming, so move in with your beau and just accept his parents for who they are. It's not like they're trying to push their religion onto you, Christian's are called to represent their God, but you don't have to listen or believe if you don't want to. It's your life, and if she's any kind of christian, she'll love/accept you for who you are and not try to change you as a person. Good luck!
2006-10-13 06:24:07 · answer #7 · answered by Shining Ray of Light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need more help than you can get from us on here. I can tell you that my husband left me and my newborn (he was a planned pregnancy 3 yrs in the waiting) and you manage. I hated daycare and being away from him all the time and the only thing that kept me from committing suicide was his smile. There were days when I didn't have things I needed for myself but I always made sure he had what he needed. I still have not finished college but things have worked out for the better. Hubby and I are remarried and expecting our little girl before Christmas. I am a stronger person and appreciate him more because of all we went through. I never considered moving in with my mom because I wanted to raise my son. If you move in with any parental figure they will make you second guess yourself the whole way. They don't mean to hurt you but they will. You have to make your own mistakes and learn from them. This is your child and you are going to want to make the decisions for him/her. My mother has helped me more than I can thank her for but she always makes me feel like the most inadequate mother on the face of the planet. She had 7 kids (3 still in diapers) when our father left her and she managed to go to college and support us. She got govt asst but she made it. She is now a domestic abuse counselor and english teacher. I am glad that as a child she allowed me to do without expensive shoes and toys because I gained an excellent role model. If we can do it so can you. Dig deep and look inside yourself. That baby needs you and you can do it. The most important thing you can teach your child is to do whats right. Try to find a crisis center hotline in your area and get some referrals for asst until you finish college. They can help you with formula, daycare, housing etc. My mom also had to get a lot of student loans to help her. You can do this. You are a woman and we never quit. Best of luck to you and shed a tear for me at the first sonogram.
2006-10-13 09:33:14 · answer #8 · answered by jimnmollie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is really a choice for you and your fiance. Without knowing the any of the parties involved, I couldn't give you a good answer on who to go to, but talk to your fiance in depth and both of you decide who would provide the best home for you and your son for now. As far as your fiance's mother's religion, I wouldn't let that be a very bid factor in your decision. If they would provide the best home for you and your child for now, pick them. If not, her religious beliefs won't be an issue anyway. I hope this helps.
2006-10-13 06:52:05 · answer #9 · answered by Jonathan R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you need to stop and figure out if you and your boyfriend want to keep the baby or not. Then if you do the rest will fall into place, were you live is not as important right now. Your family must love you as they all want to help take care of you and the baby. And lucky for you, you have a few months to decide. Do not make any decisions to fast, because you do not want to regret it later. Good Luck
2006-10-13 06:25:55 · answer #10 · answered by funnyface1919 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋