I am married and love my wife but sometimesI find myself fantasizing about having sex with other women. I Have never been unfaithful and don't intend to carry out my fantasies but I feel guilty about the thought.Is all this normal in a marriage?
2006-10-13 06:09:17 · 38 answers · asked by BlueLens 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes i would say some men do that,i do that alot but i tell my wife i do..She understands.....but like me i wont cheat on her...
2006-10-13 06:11:02 · answer #1 · answered by Male Sicilian Trauma Nurse 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have read through most of the other comments and I can't believe how many people say YES, it's okay! Well, in today's world I guess I can believe it, but it's too bad true intimacy has gone astray.
I don't know if you're a Christian man or not, but if you are you already know that it's wrong. Lusting for another is wrong...besides why would you rather fantasize about sex with someone else when you are making love to your wife? Making love is a very intimate relationship, and within this relationship you as a couple build a stronger bond. Now if your mind is elsewhere this bond can not happen. The connection that is reserved for husband and wife can't happen if true intimacy is not happening. Physical intimacy is MUCH different than emotional intimacy. Your mind has to be fully committed to your wife, and then you will benefit from this type of one flesh marriage.
Marriages today are so caught up into you can look but can't touch...this is so wrong. Many thinking if you don't act upon your thoughts its fine and healthy. The truth is, quite the opposite.
Why do you think porn is such in high demand? Once your mind gets into the mode of fantasizing and lusting after others, you will need more and more to obtain that same level of excitement.
How many people would get married if their vows said, I will stay faithful to you physically, but not mentally? How many couples would be comfortable with this? I know that some would, but most would NOT!
The fact that you feel guilty is a good thing, because at least you have enough respect for your wife to feel this way, and question it. Guilt is a natural feeling when you know something is wrong - SO in a since you have already answered your own question.
Would your wife want to make love to you knowing you were thinking of someone else? What about you - if she were thinking of someone else?
With all this said, if you do devote yourself to your wife, physically and mentally, your sex life will improve. Nothings better then making love with compete intimacy.
The people that say they need outer stimulation to get things going in the bedroom, DO NOT have this type of intimacy.
2006-10-13 07:01:34 · answer #2 · answered by Cjs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, when I was married I fantasized about sex with other men. Key word there, WAS married. I'm not anymore, and have had several relationships, and I always fantasize. So, in my personal experience...yes, I think it's normal. I love, love, love my boyfriend...but we all need a little something something to push us over the edge once in awhile. No harm, no foul. I never cheated either. It's healthy. Relax!
2006-10-13 06:12:42 · answer #3 · answered by CharlieCat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know I fantasize about other men, however, timing is everything! If you are fantasizing during sex, I would have to wonder why, other than that, it's normal. My husband and I even talk about it. Maybe there are some things you would like to do with your wife and are embarrassed to talk about it, you might be surprised because I am quite sure she probably has fantasies also (most women do).
2006-10-13 06:22:49 · answer #4 · answered by Hwy2?? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal. Don't be to hard on yourself. This is just human nature. As long as you don't act on it your OK.
2006-10-13 06:29:56 · answer #5 · answered by Jewells 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh yes! I LOVE my husband but I still look at some guys and go *mmmhhmmmm* and have naughty thoughts. My husband even caught me checking someone out once at the gym...we laughed about it though and have turned it into a bit of a game...the *i'd hit that* game ;)
You and your wife may not be that open, but it is completely normal to fantasize about other people. You are human. You were previously single and probably independent. And, frankly, its hard going from single and carefree to married and attached to one person forever. Feelings are fine, just don't act on them.
2006-10-13 06:15:46 · answer #6 · answered by ValentineP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure it depends on how in depth the fantasy is, who it is about and how often you do it.
Occassionally thinking a little about another person or appreciating the appearance of another is normal. If you are actively thinking about another person when in sexual situations with your wife, or even by yourself that may be disrespectful to her.
As a warning, if you are fantasizing about a woman you know in real life, that is very dangerous road to go down. It can easily lead you to things you shouldn't be doing.
2006-10-13 06:26:09 · answer #7 · answered by Aloe-ish-us 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok obviously u are going through some weird isues..i have been married for about 4 months and together for about a year and i have never thought of or fantasized about having sex with another person that's kind of wrong to me but that's just my opinion...but still maybe u think u love her but u also have feelings for someone else either that or u don get some as much as u think u shoulld or want from ur wife...maybe u just need to think or something!
2006-10-13 06:15:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am not sure what the rest of the folks here will tell you, but I do not and have never. I didn't even do that when I was married to my a**h*le ex, i think it just depends on the type of person you are and if it works for you sexually. As long as you do not act on this then I do not see any harm in thinking of another person, although I would not go telling her. I would wonder though if you feel for your wife now the way you did when you didn't do this. If you are feeling guilty then I would look to myself and try to find the reason for the guilty feelings.
2006-10-13 06:22:06 · answer #9 · answered by NolaDawn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yea it happens all the time actually. It may be partially due to the fact that everywhere around us we have visuals promoting sex and such things. So your mind wants it so bad that you fantasize or maybe even dream of it. Nothin wrong with it. Actually, get you wife to enact some of them. Im sure this would make you feel less guilty.
2006-10-13 06:17:38 · answer #10 · answered by freshlimesoda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it's common - if you are both not insecure and have been together a while and like to fantasize you can even play with it - talk about it - it's less threatening that way - but this is not for everyone/.
2006-10-13 06:26:39 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋