My roommate is my friend for about 10 years now, we have been living together a little over 6 months. I hate living with her and i hate our apartment, i want to move out but she gets so defensive at small things (ie cleaning the litterbox) and i dont want to hurt her but its getting to the point where i might lose it & end the friendship if we can't find some common ground. Please try to be serious, i know we all love a good laugh but i really want peoples honest opinions.
2006-10-13 05:35:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
k
this question is confusing.
2006-10-13 05:42:04 · answer #1 · answered by James Blond 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just tell her you love her, but you living w/ her is taking it's toll on your friendship. I had a really good friend that I lived w/ for a while, and we just don't do well living together. We're both old and married now, but are still friends BECAUSE we stopped being roommates. If you've been friends w/ her for 10 years you know how she will react.
If you're really worried that this is something she won't get over, say it's the apartment you can't handle and you've found something that you think will be better for her. Either way, she's probably going to be a little hurt or angry, but if you're that good of friends you will both be able to get over it.
2006-10-13 05:53:29 · answer #2 · answered by melonamc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just break it down to her in a polite manner,and if she can't deal with that's her problem.Let know why you want to leave,and if she tries to argue ignore her and wait till she calms down then if that doesn't work just leave.You deserve not to be in such a defensive and aggressive home where you can't even enjoy yourself.If it's so bad about a litter box then she has more issues than you think,and if she continues then you might just have to end your friendship.I know it sounds hard and harsh but if she gets that upset over a litter box and charges you up about instead of talking to you,she has no respect for you,might use you and isn't your real friend at all.Good Luck,I hope things work out for the better.
2006-10-13 05:50:46 · answer #3 · answered by Sister Queen Mama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
most of defenses have to do with anger. they often lead to avoidances. so, the basis for a friendship are very pleasant feelings like love, compassion, tolerance, etc generated by the wish that the other person is happy. this wish often translates itself into very productive actions. so, if you by mistake can often cause unpleasant feelings in your roommate, and she cant find the wisdom to digest, transform her own feelings, than youre not really contributing to each others happiness.
in reality, conflicts can be used for self development, training tolerance for example. but when the very basic spark is gone, than its very difficult to solve problems together.
i think opening the subject would be the first step. "do we make each other happy, or do we contribute more to our suffering?"
this doesnt mean that one of you should be a victim and the other a persecuter, or one of you good, and the other bad. the only cause is different lifestyles, different values, priorities, etc. two different forces do not pull together in a productive direction. and you could ask her what she thinks, does she know any other solution?
the emphasis of the discussion should stay on your common goals, you, and any other being, wether human or non human have a basic goal: we want to reach a confortable state (happiness), and avoid an unconfortable one (suffering). if you two cant work together in reaching this goal, than this is a clear sign to retrograde your frendship to a less intens level. no need to discuss about extremes: forever/ever, me always/you never, everybody else/ noody, etc.
just discuss about your very basic common goal.
good luck!
2006-10-13 05:53:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start the conversation with "Sweetie, you know I love you like a sister....".
Seriously, I had a similar experience when I left my ex and my best friend wanted us to get a place together. I KNEW there was no way we could live together without killing each other within a week. I gave her the "I need to be alone and have my own space" speech. She accepted it and we're still friends.
Your situation is a little different. Hopefully, you can both afford financially to live alone. But, cliche'd as it sounds, honesty is the best policy. Good luck.
2006-10-13 05:46:05 · answer #5 · answered by JoBos 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be honest with her and tell her in order to save the friendship you need to leave. It just isn't working out for you.
She may be offended initially, but will most likely come around at some point.
2006-10-13 06:21:49 · answer #6 · answered by Big Bear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with her. It better she's hurt for an hour or so., than to continue hurting you w/ out her knowledge. How could you resolve the problem if you are going to tell her. Get a good timing and talk to her.
2006-10-13 05:45:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
the final plan if she is that proof against you assisting her is to get out of there as quickly as available. talk with the owner and attempt to get your call off of the hire. i might additionally propose which you the two lock your room once you're no longer there or shifting something useful to a secure region because of the fact as quickly as she realizes which you're leaving, there may be a tantrum of a few form. in case you will no longer be able to get out of the hire attempt to stay away from being interior the home whilst she's ingesting or (and that i comprehend how extraordinary this sounds) set up a schedule of a few form so as which you would be able to devise whilst to be out so as that she would be able to drink to her coronary heart's content textile without inflicting a conflict. it could additionally help her if there became something to distract her from ingesting like volunteer artwork, a action picture nighttime (alchohol-loose), or getting her a date. this might optimistically provide her something to do and watch for which will save her interest off of you till you are able to flow out.
2016-12-13 07:37:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one is worth all that drama. If she can't deal with the fact that she's too high-maintenance and it's stressing you out, then it's her fault. Don't let people stress you out.
2006-10-13 05:48:33 · answer #9 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell her shut the hell up clean the litter box and be a good girl
2006-10-13 05:54:35 · answer #10 · answered by essio16 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just talk in a very civilized way about it.
2006-10-13 05:45:22 · answer #11 · answered by Lil' Gay Monster 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋