Is fighting over stupid stuff with your husband bad or is it Normal?!?

Question

I'm 19 years old and my husband just turned 19. We fight almost everyday now that were married but it's over the stupidest stuff i try to let it go but it's hard to ignore it...ok here's the thing we have been married for about four months we were together for about a year and seven months. When we were just a couple he was living an hour away from me he was only 17 and living with his aunt who was very strict so we snuck...well he cheated on me twice when we were just boyfriend and girlfriend...well now that were married we still bring that subject up maybe cuz i can't forget about it and it bothers me he only cheated twice but we barley saw each other before and he got drunk..well he moved in with me on his 18th b-day that was his choice not mine and his family drives me nuts cuz now were married their mad at me for him moving out but it wasnt my choice he wanted to! We cant seem to forget about the past! Sometimes when we talk he brings up stuff i didn't even know b4 i need advice!!

Answer 1

the stupid stuff.......will continue ......for many years to come....but its stupid stuff,,,,remember that! as 4 the cheating!!!!u knew ahead of time.....move on ...the past is THE PAST! when u got married the past died.....its gone! when you took your vows...thats when your lives as one started.......now do you get the picture? as one.....one world,,,,those that have a problem with u......arent weariing your ring.........are they?

Answer 2

Youre really young to be married. Both of your are going to still go through a few personal changes inside, well into your late 20's. Above all things, put things in perspective, concentrate on the now, and never never never go to bed angry with each other. Your going to try to be in the long haul together, you cant sweat the small stuff. I f you have an issue that is not going away, then it isnt small or stupid. You need to maybe see someone like a therapist, minister, or counselor either together(preferred) or alone to get some closure on this issue. 19 is not a mature age, like I said, both of you are going to grow up a little more as time goes by, and will both be tempted from time to time. Just be honest with your feelings, dont smother each other, and BE Together mentally and physically--keep developing that friendship between you..

Answer 3

He ONLY cheated on you twice?

Oh you're super lucky then. That's only 2 times more than how often a good man does it. Of course then there's the times he didn't tell you about... Well it's probably still only like maybe 5 times more than the amount of times a good man would do it. That's not too far off.

I predict "Happily Ever after". There is no way he'll cheat again between 18 and old age.

And getting married at 18 is the best time to do it so you guys should be set. All that arguing is just because you love each other!

Answer 4

Arguing with a spouse is normal, in a certain vein: the vast majority do it, therefore it is the 'norm.' Try not to think of fighting with your husband as being 'bad.' The use of the word connotes a negative judgment. Try to look at it in terms of whether or not it achieves your objectives. If it does not, then you should seek to end it. If it does, then it should continue.

You will NOT stop arguing with him until the issue of his past is wholly resolved. I know you say you've forgiven him, but the fact is that you have not. You are angry about it still. This is because while you consciously know you want to forgive him, the memory of the incidents continues to plague you. I imagine that when you get upset about it, more new questions surface almost every time. This is a trust issue, and if you do not address this and genuinely eliminate it, the relationship is necessarily doomed. It's only a matter of time, and pain until the end.

Best of luck!

Answer 5

Fighting over stupid things is normal. However, your situation is more than that. You married someone that you already had trust issues with. That was a mistake but you can overcome it if both of you are willing to work on your relationship. As far as 'it was his choice', it was also yours, though it may have been his idea. You allowed it, that was your choice. It sounds like you have picked a hard lot in life. Most men are not mature enough at 19 to sustain a healthy marriage and frankly, neither are most 19 yr. old women. If you have said you forgave him for cheating, you need to stop bringing it up. Get counseling for yourself and your spouse. As for his family, in a calm, mature manner the two of you need to tell them that while you love them, the two of you are now a family and you together made a decision to marry. He needs to be willing to step up and stand up where his family is concerned and support you. I wish you the best. I really suggest counseling and prayer.

Answer 6

my husband and i have been married for over 14 years now. I was 18 he was 17 we had a lot of the same problems when we first got married except he didn't cheat on me when we were dating, 2 years in to the marriage he thought he wanted to live life more so he moved out had a girl friend for a while but when i had a boyfriend he didn't like that. we were broke up for about 2 months when we got back together it was very hard it took about 3 years for us to have a great relationship but some how ageist all odes we made it with out counseling every one always asks use how we did, i really don't know but we stuck through the hard times and now our Live it great. We have been married for 14 years we have three children ages 14, 8 and 4, we have a house two brand new cars a camper a pool we go on vacations every year and next year we are going on a cruise for our 15th anniversary. we still talk about the past but we joke about it and i think it makes our relationship stronger. so don't give up i know it seems really hard right now but in the end its all worth it. and about his family who cares what they think they don't live with you and you didn't marry them my husbands parents never liked me and they still don't they always said that we would never make it but we have a better live then them and every year that passes is another year we proved them wrong.

Answer 7

You probably don't want to hear this but know it already of some level, but you are too young to be married.
Both of you lack the maturity to take on the responsibility of marriage. It seemed like a good thing when you did it but you had no realistic idea of what it took to really make it work. It's not true that all you need is love, is it? You needed the preparation of your adult life before complicating things and now, both you and your husband are literally finishing your childhoods together instead of finishing them with other adults to help you.
Try a trial separation from him. This will give you a realistic perspective on whether you are better off with him or without him.

Answer 8

Wow, talk about a poor choice to get married. If he cheated on you before and you are still struggling with it, that isn't a foundation for marriage. You both need counseling fast, and a lot of it, to repair the damage done. A marriage isn't going to succeed if it is not built on a strong foundation. Did you have premarital counseling? Either way, contact a marriage counselor. Even the best of couples need them sometimes, so there isn't anything to be ashamed of. My husband and I have done marital counseling and it can really bring you closer together in your marriage and give you a solid plan to deal with the obstacles that can arise in life. I say do it fast before you find out he's cheated again!

Answer 9

The two of you fight because now that the two of you are living together you notice alot of things about him that you didn't notice before. You married at a time when the two of didn't even know one another. You might have thought that you knew him and he knew and accept you but that wasn't the case.Now the decision is rather or not you and him are willing to stick around. Then he cheated on you. It was never said that you had to forget the past, it just said that you had to be willing to forgive

Answer 10

fighting over stupid stuff is perfectly normal. but him cheating on you is inexcusable. you shouldn't have married if you even had the slightest doubt about his fidelity to you, you shouldn't have gone through with the marriage not after you've talked to him. Think this over. Let him know that there are some things that you two needs to talk about CALMLY. No yelling, no blaming. Say I feel betrayed when you sought another woman and I still feel that way. Start from there. If nothing else, get counseling. Good luck.

Answer 11

Yeah, petty bickering over stupid stuff is entirely normal. In your case, since it happens every day, it is probably masking a deeper problem. You may not be entirely comfortable discussing his affair with him, and he is probably very defensive about it. I would suggest counseling for you as a couple. Healing from an affair takes time, but it also takes a lot of work on the part of the cheater to earn your trust back. I am guessing that he has probably excused himself by saying he was drunk, but has never shown any real remorse.