my friend passed away 3 months ago and i still cry everyday?

Question

My close friend passed away 3 months ago andi still cry everyday. I can't seem to shake it. I am depressed all the time, i dream about him and can't sleep. I have lost many people and never been affected like this. I want to get in to talk to someone because i dont understand or know what to do. I can't even say his name without crying. I need someone to help me to accept this. What do i do. I am so sad all the time and i dont know what to do. I keep hoping that time will go back and he will be here. How do you accept death when you don't understand it?

Answer 1

It's hard to accept a death you don't understand. I am so sorry you lost your friend. My condolences.

Grief has its own timetable. I lost my mother when I was 12, and it was a long time before I could talk about it. My father-in-law passed away last year at 87, but it was an easy death, and it was his time to step off the wheel of life. My husband and I were a little sad, but also relieved that he wasn't suffering anymore. He was just so TIRED. It was his time.

I'm going to take a chance and assume that the friend you are grieving for was young, way too young to die when he did. That's hard when someone is snatched away from you, like your friend was to you and like my mother was to me. Sometimes there is no understanding death. It just happened.

But I'm convinced that we all go when we are supposed to go, even if it makes no sense to the survivors. I have a theory that you come to this life with some things to learn and accomplish, and once you do that, you can check out early or you can keep on living. But this is just my idea. Maybe your friend did what he came to Earth to do, then checked out again. Maybe his soul is waiting to be reborn, so he can come back and help others and learn even more. Maybe he is done with being human and is able to move to a higher plane of existence? It's all speculation.

A good thing for you to do is to talk to someone, like a minister, priest or rabbi, a trusted teacher or counselor, your good friends. Talk to your family and to his family -- but only if they are open to talking about him. They may be going through their own grieving too. Keep a journal. Write letters to your friend. Tell him about your days, your thoughts.

Go to church or synagogue, light a candle, say a prayer, or whatever your particular faith is. A little letting-go ritual, no matter how religious you are or not, would probably be a very good thing. I'm sure you can do some research online or come up with your own personal letting-go ceremony that would feel just right.

Remember grief has its own timeline. Often the people we grieve for the most are the people that we have unfinished business with. Maybe you really liked this guy but didn't tell him your (possibly romantic?) feelings, and now it's too late? Learn from this, and tell people that you care about them, because in the case of your friend, sometimes it is too late and we can never again tell people that we love them.

Also, as soon as you are able, get back into the swing of life. Join some clubs, go on some dates, go to movies, exercise, eat right, get enough sleep. The ache in your heart for your friend will never go away completely, but over time it will lessen.

You're a sweet and kind person to care so much. I hope this helps. Good luck working through your grief. Take your time and heal yourself on your own timetable.

Cheers, K

Answer 2

all I can tell you is that it does get easier with time. My little brother died when he was 21, 8 years ago. I had a rough time for several months. Now, it is still a hole in my heart, but I know that he is well where he is and someday, we will see each other again.
Everyone has their own speed at accepting and dealing with death, some never do. You go through stages, you're sad, mad, denying that they are dead, and finally acceptance. I don't think anyone "understands" death. I worked at a nursing home at the time my brother left, and I always wondered why he had to die when there was people in the nursing homes that had already lived and were suffering. But, if you have faith, trust in God. He doesn't give you more than you can handle, and he needed that person to come on home. Everything has a purpose and a reason, it is not ours to ask "Why?"
Good luck, the tears and heartache will ease up and the memories will never leave. Just remember the good times and smile.

Answer 3

You can't be expected to just resume your life like nothing happened. You are grieving, and there's no set time when these feelings will end. Everyone deals with things differently, and this is still very new to you.

I would suggest that you get into a grief support group. Depending on where you live, there should be groups available through churches or non-profit organizations. This would be a good first step.

There's things that you can do:

1. Don't beat yourself up for still being sad. It's natural.
2. Don't hold back from crying, you will stop eventually
3. Change your view of death. The mistake we make is failing to treat death as a part of life's journey. It's the natural end of the road.
4. Find a grief counselor or grief support group as soon as you can

I experienced the same thing when my father died ten years ago. I won't say that I know exactly how you feel because I don't. I will say that eventually time takes over. Life takes over too because, as much as we hate it, nothing or no one is going to sit and wait for us while we deal with our grief. We just move begrudginly along. There will come a time when you will think of your friend and smile; you'll ask him an opinion on a dress out loud; you will wish he were there for life's milestones. You will be able to say his name, and share your precious memories of him. When you get past your grief, you will marvel at the fact that you made it through. In the meantime, it's ok to feel the way you do. One day you'll stop asking "Why?"

I hope I've helped, even a little bit. My condolences to you.

Answer 4

I understand your pain. I lost my mum 6 years ago; yet till this day, I still remembered the last moments before her death. I was very much like you then, finding it so difficult to accept her demise, crying everyday & the slightest thing would remind me of her... it was like, my life had come to a standstill. But, as time passes, the pain dulled and it didn't hurt that much anymore. Indeed, time heals all wounds. Grieving is a process; you need to get through it and it will make you stronger and wiser. God never wastes a hurt or experience. Be strong, my friend. And continue to live your life the best you know how. This is probably what your close friend would have wanted you to do...

Answer 5

I think you really do understand it, and it's painful! You will learn to deal with it day by day. Others around you may think you should be "over it by now!" This doesn't make it any easier! Maybe it's your own mortality that scares you. I lost 7 family members in a year and a half, including my husband and my mother! I was a looney toon for about 2 years after that! Let your memories carry you through these rough times, and just know that it will get better! Maybe you should seek some help. There's nothing wrong with that, plus you need help to be able to sleep. Good luck sweetie, you are not alone!

Answer 6

If there's any way you can, join a grief support group. If you are a Christian, I'd recommend Dr. Robert Kellemen's work on grief. Otherwise, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross might be comforting to you. There are stages of grief. You cycle through the stages (so revisiting anger, or crying, or denial isn't a setback, it's just part of the process). Time alone doesn't heal all wounds, but time is required for the healing of wounds. Be gentle with yourself and surround yourself with people who can love and support you. Journaling good memories or making some sort of memorial for your dad may be very helpful. Also, concentrating on the gifts and talents in you which he influenced and/or picking something important to your dad which you want to incorporate into your life and hand down may help you heal. I'm sorry for your loss. ((((Hugs))))

Answer 7

The mind has trouble sometimes with death. You expect people to be around all the time. We all cerebrally that is not true but, we expect it.

I was told once that the "grieving process" can take a while. I cried for days after my father passed away. And still occasionally tear up when I think of him. And he died in 1988. You do need to talk to someone, actually anyone who will listen. Or you can write a letter to him, saying every thing you want to say, did not have a chance to say and write about how you feel, good or bad feelings. Try not to hold anything back. Read the letter to make sure you said everything, you feel about him, want to say about him and any other feelings you have regarding his death. Then neatly fold up the letter and tear it up and throw it away. That is how you felt then. Your thoughts and feelings will change. And if in the future you feel you need to say something to him, either say it or write it down.

BTW it took me almost a year before I felt normal after my father's death. His death was quite sudden and it caught us all off guard.

Good luck.

Answer 8

My grandmother died last week and she was like my best friend, it was so hard for me and still is everytime i see a old lady, but i think that if she was here would she want me to go on being depressed and cry every day, no she would'nt she would want me to go on and talk to her every day so that is what i do i just talk to her of course she does not respond but it feels good anyway because i feel as if she hears me, so just think if your friend would want you to feel this way and then try to go from there you can not greive forever honey, it is part of life and if you can not deal with this then how can you deal with someone who is closer to you? Death is not something that everyone understand if anyone does, but like i said it is part of life and something that we all have to accept. Good Luck and I am sorry about your friend you must have loved him very much.

Answer 9

Well first of all i must say that you just have to confess to yourself that your friend is gone, deep down in your heart your battling with denial..You must face the reality that he's gone and not coming back, Through prayer God can help mend the wounds of your heart..To me it seems that your also suffering from something called a soul-tie..A soul-tie can be described of something that gets connected into your spirit, and it will take prayer on your part, and acceptances the death is apart of life, we will have to leave this earth at some point....I believe as you begin to complete this process you'll find out that God and prayer Willyt only help you concerning with the lost of your friend but it will also help you with the issue on loneliness that your battling with also..The dreams that your having are actually reflecting your issue with just being alone...Just believe in God and pray unto him sincerely and tell him exactly how you feel and i guarantee you that everything will be alright!!!!

Answer 10

Go to the book store and find a book about it. Then get online and see if there are local groups in your area that deal with this type of situation. -JOIN ONE! ...-Get a journal and write about your feelings. Find a good book that has nothing to do with the subject...I am reading some fairytail type books from Gregory MaGuire that take me out of this world for a few hours a day. Actually, his books do deal with death but, not in the way we do. -Basically, try to spend some time away from anything you are dealing with right now...If not reading, as some people dont like to, try swimming, or running, or painting, or something ...-Good luck!