been married for 20+ yrs. My wife and I are always having problems, we are so different. I know I shouldn't be befriending women like this BUT it is a source of need that my wife can't meet. I have gone to counselor after counselor for help and just want someone who accepts me for me. Any ideas, advice ?? I am a Christian...so my faith and beliefs contradict what i am doing...I also have ADHD. I feel guilty for doing this BUT also want someone who accepts me for me. We have the picture perfect look BUT on the inside we're a mess...good christian family of us and 5 kids...
help me ! I want OUT of this spiral of searching for a relationship that is wrong...or is it ???
2006-10-13 04:44:52 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Go get a copy of the 5 Love Languages (book) and read it. Then read it with her. Then see if that helps you get your marriage back together.
2006-10-13 04:48:37 · answer #1 · answered by kyrie_eleison_gr 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being a Christian, you know FULL well that it's wrong. You have to address what the ROOT of the problem is. Don't ignore it, discount it as if it ISN'T the problem. You have to address it head on. Obviously whatever the problem is, it has NOT gotten addressed, or else there would be happiness by now.
Have you ever read the book "His Needs, Her Needs:Building and Affair Proof Marriage" By the Christian author/counselor Willard F. Harley Jr?
He also has a novel called "Fall in Love, Stay in Love".
His insight is phenomenal. The basic concept is that marital and romantic relationships run off of a "love bank". When your relationship was new, you both made LARGE 'deposits' in it. And as time goes on, when selfishness, carelessness, and other stuff come in and you both attack each other, or stop meeting each others needs, etc......you are making 'withdrawals'. Too many withdrawals, without DOUBLING or TRIPLING the deposits will leave you deep in the negative. THAT is when trouble brews, and affairs or divorces come into the picture.
I suggest you look at the website. It is pretty much the bulk of the book. You can look it over, (its REALLY good stuff!) and decide from there if you want to buy the book. I have all of his books and it is a REALLY good investment. You will learn things about her and yourself. There is a portion that contains a questionnaire for you and for her to fill out. That one is a real eye opener. Anyway, I could go on all day singing this guy's praises, but just check it out for yourself. You can even print the stuff off of the computer.
Good luck to you.
And really, if you are trying to do right by your marriage, and God.....STOP chatting with women. But if this is just what you want to be doing, don't try to justify it, or find a reason for it to be okay. Just do what you want to, and accept the consequences that come along with it. Accept responsibility, and be accountable for those choices.
Good luck to you. The website is www.marriagebuilders.com
click the 'search' option, and enter His Needs, Her Needs
this will take you to a preview section. The whole site is really good. Just look around and see if you find anything of interest.
2006-10-13 05:21:08 · answer #2 · answered by lilac b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Friendship is amazingly significant to maximum married women! however the terrific way we proceed friendships does exchange. like quite a few relationships, friendships mature and improve. In my 30s and 40s I truthfully have got here across that i might desire to pass months devoid of conversing to my terrific pal who's on the different edge of the worldwide, call her at some point and we've no longer broken our courting interior the least because of the fact we've had a number of of issues happening those 3 months its the equivalent of how 2 weeks felt whilst i became 25, purely greater chaotic! All relationships, no rely if friendships or marriages mature. A mature courting is once you prefer whats terrific for the different person even in the adventure that your no longer around to work out it. and that's what my friendships got here right down to. finding decrease back on the years i became in my 20s, I had lots of friends 10-15 years older and married whom I had an analogous concern with as you're dealing with along with your sister. I felt they weren't my close friends anymore yet then some years later i found out that for them it became a particular friendship as issues purely are carried out otherwise. i desire this has helped
2016-10-02 06:30:06 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This one is tough, if you are befriending others to go further than talking, then yes you need to get out of the spiral. If you are befriending them just for conversation, no meeting or etc. then I do not see the issue. If you are faithful to your wife and you are not looking for an affair, then talking is not an issue.
My husband talks to other women on-line, I know about it. Of course, they are not within quick traveling distant. But this is an out let for him to meet other people which he normally would not get the chance to meet.
2006-10-13 04:54:23 · answer #4 · answered by wallcritter 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Is it wrong? well let see, you have been married for 20 years, you are a christian, you have 5 kids,your wife does not fill your needs. you do it any way even if you feel guilty. Wrong no. self centred non christian,immoral,conniving, manipulating,looking for approval and justification possibly.. permission not granted
2006-10-13 05:16:13 · answer #5 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
whats inside us controls us, not our circumstances, don'y allow situations to control you.keep your priorities in line with the words and will of the lord. good character is the rise or fall of our destiny. our character is created by our choices in life.you befriend these women because you have a low self worth.pain is the precuser of change, if your having marriage troubles, communicate more, be willing to give more. your destiny will be created by who you listen to,and your beliefs. stop doing wrong, don't do what the world does, do right no matter what it is, and you will find what is right by studying the word of god.
2006-10-13 04:57:01 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's past time to close one door and open another-with your wife.Put the differences aside the best you can,find common ground in a date night that you both enjoy...you say you are christian,so get right before God and His word says he'll make it right for you-you won't be looking here for answers when you should be looking there.Also,pride goes before a fall,don't be afraid to ask those in your church for help.Good Luck
2006-10-13 04:57:28 · answer #7 · answered by maykithapin 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You want someone to accept this? Good luck with that. No one will accept this becasue it is wrong. You haven't quit with this BS because you don't want to. STOP IT!!! Simple has that.
2006-10-13 04:56:09 · answer #8 · answered by Jewells 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Step away from the computer. Find something else to think about.
2006-10-13 04:52:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You sound miserable. You have already been to counselors. Maybe it's time for a trial seperation.
2006-10-13 04:49:14 · answer #10 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋