He is in the military and he had a tour that I couldnt go. This morning e left hes email account open and I started browsing trogh it. I know I shouldnt have but I did it. i found an email he sent to one of his friends talking about some girls he dated while he was back there an what a great time he had. Now while he was there he came home and visited me three times during that year. I cant believe it. Im so angry. I dont know what to do or what to say. im disgusted, it has been two years since he cae back from that assignment and things where a little difficult when he came back but things where going great. We are building aur first house, are going on vacation next month, had a baby year and a half ago. i actually got pregnant on one of those trips h e took to see me while he was away. Please help somebody.
2006-10-13 04:23:39 · 23 answers · asked by xadralix 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater.
Print out the e-mail and confront him. Whether you leave him or not is your call. I for one would have his stuff on the street.........
2006-10-13 04:29:08 · answer #1 · answered by tallerfella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should first ask him and give him a chance to come clean. He most likely want tell the truth but you never know. You have a lot of things to talk about with him but you have to do what makes you happy. It has been two years and the two of you have built this life together and you now have a child so all these things have to be put into perspective as well. This doesnt excuse what he did in any way because cheating is wrong no matter what the circumstances are. I know that you are hurting like he just did this to you yesterday your heart doesnt care if it was five years ago it doesnt hurt any less because some time has passed since he did this to you. This is the time to evaluate your marriage and the way the two of you connect. If he has been the perfect husband and father and has done nothing to hurt you since he has returned then you might want to work on your marriage. I know that everyone says that once a cheater always a cheater but that might not be the case with the two of you. He may have just experiences a moment of weakness being away from you for such a long time and gave into tempatation. He may never cheat on you again. If he has not been treating you the way that you think that a husband should treat a wife this may be the time to walk away and start a new life. I went through a similar situation so believe me I know hoe much it hurts and it will take time to heal because I am still trying to heal and aI decided to work on my marriage because I love my husband and want to be with him but I let him know that if this ever happened again I was going and not looking back. He cheated on me before we was married and I found out last month but this one night stand thats whatb he is calling it only happened once. So you may not be able to forgive him but if you do it is a work in progress and you both have to want the marriage to work. If you do stay with him just dont throw it in his face everytime you are mad at him because it only ends up dredging those bad memories up for you and you end up hurt all over again. If you need someone to talk to please feel free to contact me because keeping everything bottled up only makes it worst. I hope everything works out for you.............
2006-10-13 11:50:24 · answer #2 · answered by <<SEXY MOMMA>> 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was something in passing. i know you felt used and slighted, but he DID come home to you and he hasn't let it get in the way of your happiness. The military is a tough job and your away from your loved ones a long time making sure they are safe. There has to be some release for some people. I'm sure that's all it was, was release. If your afraid he might do it again and you want to be sure, make him promise he won't mess around while he's gone before he leaves, then tell him if you find out he did, that would be it. I know this sounds kind of weak coming from a guy. I'm not defending him believe me, but i also know that when your away like that for long periods of time, then you can't just JO all the time there has to be some release....JO...ing isn't the same. I hope this helps you at least understand that, even though I don't know him personally..i'm sure it wasn't meant to hurt you or to replace or leave you. it was just lust release. If he said he loved this other person in his email or said he wanted to do it again or couldn't wait to get back there to see her, well then that's a completely different story and wouldn't blame you, no matter what you did.
And just as an aside, again i'm not defending anyone, but I don't think much of you digging in his email. Would you open an envelope that came to him in the snail mail? no, you would have him open it in your presence though if you were suspicious. I also don't think you'd appreciate him diggin in yours....you may have nothing to hide...except maybe a suprise party or gift?
2006-10-13 11:40:27 · answer #3 · answered by flashpro 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he had this affair so long ago why is he still talking about it??? Is he still talking to this other woman? It seems like since he has been home everything is going well. You have a baby now and your building a home togther. Maybe you should confront him an ask him what the hell is goin on. The fact that he is bragging about how much fun he had leads to me think he doesnt feel to guilty about it. Let him know that he wasnt the only one who was lonely during that time but you didnt step outside of your marriage and you deserve an explantion. I would go talk to someone about this before it eats away at you.
2006-10-13 11:31:39 · answer #4 · answered by Kim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tricky one because you found out by invading his personal email. Evenstill, you must confront him because if not it will eat away at you. Just tell him that you found out and would like to sort things out.
I know this must be a very difficult time for you. Try and much as you can to stay calm and take deep breaths.
I am very sorry you found out this way. In talking with him, maybe you can open up lines of communication and go from there.
Good luck!
2006-10-13 11:27:03 · answer #5 · answered by Mimi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel so terrible for you. I think it is a terrible, terrible thing your husband has gone and done to you and what has made it worse, is that a lot of time has passed since it occured. Do you have any idea if he has continued to have affairs since returning? I think for your own peace of mind, you do need to confront him. Give him the option of owning up and coming clean, rather than hurling abuse at him. Tell him that you have been made aware of some information and was hoping he could explain it to you.
You deserve an explanation. He has to apologise for his acts and you both have to assess your relationship and work out if it will happen again. If there is a liklihood that it will.. you dont deserve that and if it isnt going to happen again, you need to know that and discover if you can forgive his past.
Good luck and best wishes for the future whatver you decide.
2006-10-13 11:30:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should of printed out the email so you could confront him with it.With out the proof he will just lie to you about it and tell you your crazy.Like mine did when i found a phone number for live links in his office in his handwriting and he still said he didnt know how it got there.Men and there games suck thats all i know for sure.I think they all lie and cheat when they get the chance.Is he home now and if he is does he have a computer? If he does you better start checking the history to see what really going on in your household behind your back.You have a right to know.If you want any help checking up on the computer you can email me and i will tell you how to do it ok?I feel for you because lieing and cheating ruined my marrage but im the type that wants to know, even if it hurts.
2006-10-13 12:07:32 · answer #7 · answered by prettywomen512 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the military and I just want to say it's not an excuse.
Email him now!
Contact his supoir now!
And explain what is going on. They will have his *** in counsling. You should not and ever take this lying down.
I know what kind of presure he is on. but with a kid the need to know that he need to be a man and a little boy. Hiding over sea is not and never an excuse. Contront him with the Osbusman's help.
Good luck
2006-10-13 11:32:26 · answer #8 · answered by Kenshin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I want to start by saying I'm sorry.
You definitely need to confront him about the situation and tell him the truth yeah I was looking through your emails, and apoligize for invading his personal space but explain to him how hurt you were to find "the letter".
Opening the lines of communication is the first thing you need to do.
Good luck. Remember you have to think of what is best for you and your baby.
2006-10-13 11:34:02 · answer #9 · answered by razzyrascal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you found the emails. Better yet, take him to the computer and SHOW him, then say "Care to explain yourself?" If you choose to stay with him, make him work to earn your forgiveness and trust back. I am sorry you are going through this. You have to ask yourself if you will ever be able to trust him again when he is gone like that. And is it worth it to feel that way every time he leaves.
2006-10-13 11:43:54 · answer #10 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would kick his butt and tell him if he ever did it again you'd cut his testicles off. :) On a more serious note though, I found out about my husband cheating on me once, we worked through it, things SEEMED like they were going great, until I found out he had several other affairs...so becareful, men are weak creatures when it comes to being seduced. And if you haven't go get checked for STD's...chances of contracting anything these days aren't so "slim" even if it was a couple years ago
2006-10-13 11:31:23 · answer #11 · answered by walkinbyfaith7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋