SO FRUSTRATED!! you want me to communicate with you, then i do and...............?

Question

I am a non-procrastinator,married to a procrastinator. My car was hit in the front almost 2 yrs. ago, we decided that for the cost to fix,( we did get an ins,check.) hubby would buy parts and do it himself so we can save some money. fine. Well, here we are ,almost 2 yrs. later, my car is still the same. I asked him last night if tomorrow,(today)., if he would pick up the hood for the car on his way home. He looked at me and said,"when?" I said on your way home. He said," It's all the way in the back of the wrecking yd., i don't want to deal with handling it through there, that isnt what i had planned for tomorrow, NO, i won't do that tomorrow!" I just looked at him and said,"Oh, ok." and started to walk away.That ruined the rest of the night. We were going to watch a movie, he just went to bed with an attitude. He just shuts down and wont talk to me.I have been with this man for 16 yrs., we have 3 kids together.
Men, women if you could give me some feedback,i would appreciate. ;) UGH!

This is just 1 of many things that are procrastinated on that are things I want done. I am now getting to the point that i am at wits end and very frustrated. We have been to counseling over it, i am encouraged to speak up and say what i would like done, then i am bombarded w/ a bunch of crap,i am asking at the wrong time, he has too much else going on,etc.( This is what he says to me at the time.) I am just really frustated today,becoming overwhelmed by it. Bottom line is, he wants me to speak up and ask him about this stuff, then i do, then i get attitiude.Seems to be a vicious cycle.
We will have to sort this out tonight i guess, i will try to communicate again, we shall see. Wish me luck, say a prayer :) Thanks for all your feedback,encouragement! XO

Answer 1

I feel for you....it's not nice to be put off, especially that long. It seems that he prefers to do other things more interesting than to fix cars, so you may want to consider taking bids from car shops to see how much it would cost to fix, then present the bids to him. Ask him if he would drive his car like that for 2 years, or get it fixed.....give him a deadline to get it fixed, or you will get this shop to fix it, since money seems not to be the issue for the delay in repairs. Good luck.

Answer 2

One suggestion. Make an appointment with the shop to take it in and get it fixed. Then ask him for a ride home from the shop your dropping it off at. When he's upset about it, simply tell him you've waited two years, so it's time something is done. So you made a decision. If he says he will do it, ask him what date he can have it done by, tell him what date the shop is offering it back to you. If he's willing to work in that time frame, great. Done deal. If he doesn't, have it towed to the shop if you have to and don't ask him again. When it's done it's done. You were more than fair. For some reason he's using procrastination as a control issue. It isn't always about being lazy. Although it can be. Counseling can refresh a marriage sometimes and work through those issues. It's painless and wonderful when you get the end result. It's not about anyone being wrong. It's about both of you moving forward equally. Everyone has little faults. So if you ask him, then maybe you could let him know you'd like to work on yourself and thought maybe the two of you might do it together. Very non-threatening to him. Best wishes to you!

Answer 3

I think your hubby has an attitude problem and one you need to address quickly before your marriage ends up on the rocks. My parents have lived in a similar marriage for 25 years and it frustrates my Mum a lot too. Mum found the only key to happiness is to learn to do things yourself. She doesnt rely on my Father to do anything and will repair, fix and renovate anything that needs to be done without making him lift a finger. Although this isnt healthy, it still ensures that everything gets done. I wont say they are happy. Nor will I say it works for everyone, but if you dont open up the lines of communication, you and your husband will be very sorry when your kiddies have grown and moved on.. because what will you have left?

Answer 4

I've learned over the years, when a man says he'll do something you have to ask WHEN? Not that it will always change anything, but it seems to help sometimes. It's a guy thing, they are mostly like that! You could also try having a friend get the parts for you and then get all kinds of tools (wrong ones) and pretend you are trying to fix it yourself. He'll ask, What are you doing? Then he'll take over.

Answer 5

Put the car on hold.More importantly you need to tell this man the communication in your marraige is resembling your broken car,and procrastinating about that any longer(for two years) will not be in his best interest.Also,ask what you can handle for him so he can "deal" with this issue easier.He sounds overwhelmed and you sound patient.Best of Luck!

Answer 6

2 yrs later? Take the car to a body shop and get it fixed. You got the insurance check, so what can your husband say? He's never gonna fix it, babe, just handle it yourself.

Answer 7

Maybe you should take this matter to a marriage counselor. If this doesn't work, you should sue for divorce. If you don't believe in divorce, then just take your husband to Court TV and get the judge to make a decision on how to make your husband do this.

Personally, I would separate from him if you don't believe in divorce. Just don't re-marry, and don't betray your marriage. Use the courts to arrange a settlement.

Answer 8

TWO Years!! I'd say he is a procrastinator. I would have my dad or my brother fix it NOT only will it make him feel like an idiot you might get your point across that you don't need him to get things accomplished.

Answer 9

Well if he refuses to get off his butt and do it his self then why dont you do it. That should make him feel like hell that his wife has to do that oe it wont get done. Better yet ask your dad to do it then let him have a lil talk with hubby about his role as a husband.

Answer 10

he seems tired and run down. find a sitter and offer to help him at the junk yard. i have had the same problem getting simple things done around here too. good luck