I have female input from another site-now I want to hear from men.
Say you did something great at work and your wife was proud of you and wanted to make a special dinner: crabs, shrimp and crawfish.
Standard table setting for this dinner is newspaper, crab crackers and a big pile of seafood in the middle (plates and butter of course).
You have this kind of dinner once a month or so - it's just a dinner to re-connect. It's leisurely, so you can talk - really talk. Crabs take a long time to eat, so it's usually a great convo.
For whatever reason you don't really want to have this dinner, but when you see your wife is disappointed, you insist that the dinner go ahead.
When you are done eating, you walk away to get started cleaning up. Your wife or SO is still eating and having some wine. You bring a Hefty bag to the table to start clearing up.
1. Are you surprised when your wife/SO gets pissed and 2. do you personally do this - lv the tbl b4 SO/wife is done?
2006-10-13 03:41:44 · 12 answers · asked by tagi_65 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Topper - I understand what you're saying. In this instance, however, I have told my DH many times that I find it rude when he gets up while I'm still eating or finishing my drink LOL! We'll be in a restaurant, our meals will be cleared but I'll have a glass of wine still to drink. He's halfway out the door before he notices I'm not with him hehe! From my perspective, it indicates that he's oblivious to the fact that his schedule is not always appropriate or fair to someone else :)
2006-10-13 04:07:38 · update #1
Hey FFF or whatever - when someone agrees to something, whether it's something they want to do or not, if they do it with a grudge then it's *still* unfair to the other person. There have been *many* times I haven't wanted to do something, but once I agree to do it, I do it with a positive attitude. If I don't think I can do that, then I don't agree to it.
2006-10-13 04:20:50 · update #2
Regardless of if I wanted the meal or not, I would sit down and enjoy it for the following reasons...1. you went through all the effort to make it. 2. It is an important time for "us". 3. It means something to you.
So not I would not be surprised if you were to get upset and I most certainly would not get up and start clearing the table before you were done. I may make bedroom eyes at you and see if I can get you to hurry up, but would not leave you at the table alone or clearing it... You stay, I stay...that's the rule...
2006-10-13 03:55:08 · answer #1 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey...is this my wife? Is that you honey?
Actually, I made this faux pas once and once only. I do believe that what I would do is take my shell-laden plate to the counter, wash my hands and pour myself another glass of wine, topping off hers at the same time. then just sit down and shoot the breeze. Either that or keep talking, sipping wine from the counter and having a cigarette so I don't disturb her meal with the smoke.
I never leave the table before she's done. Oh I may toss dishes in the sink and run water to soak 'em...but never leave.
2006-10-13 03:47:20 · answer #2 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dinner is not over until the last person is done. Best part of the dinner is afterwards. While eating, not much conversation. Its that last glass of wine (whatever) that you get a chance to really talk. Good Luck !!
2006-10-13 04:24:08 · answer #3 · answered by Gabe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say if he was still talking.I have left the table while my partner was still eating and started cleaning up to help out after all someone spent a long time in the kitchen to prepare this wounderful meal. It doesn't always mean disrespect.Afterward refill my glass and continue conversation.And yes i would be surprised if my partner got pissed for me wanting to show my appereciation by helping out
2006-10-13 03:58:17 · answer #4 · answered by Topper B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For some reason, as time goes by in a relationship, we men tend to become numb to the sensitivities of our female partners. Perhaps becauuse we are on best behavior in the early stage of the relationship, and as time goes on we let our guard down. You can on and on theorizing it.
I am sure he appreciated what you did for him, but he needs to express the appreciation. This is something we as men often think is an effort.
I am sure he was shocked at your dismay, because he was thinking, "hey, I'm cleaning off the table for her", right???
Bottom line: Hubby needs to have a sit down..You guys need to learn to communicate..If you both dont learn the proper ways to do so, this minor event will open itself to larger consequences..
It may not be easy, but bringing in a counselour for this is a good thing, only because he/she will teach you bot the proper way to communicate your feelings to each other without hurt or guilt.
2006-10-13 03:51:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. You can't blame the other person. Your actions are up to you. And it doesn't matter which gender is in which role. Also, those who pursue married (or otherwise attached) people should be put in their place. If some guy kept pestering me while knowing that I had a boyfriend, I would tell him to stick it!
2016-03-28 07:38:04 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I'm done eating then dinner is OVER. Either eat faster and keep up or you're leaving the table with a half full stomach.
2006-10-13 03:46:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yeah, that would be insensitive. Part of the whole meal is to sit and enjoy one anothers company. That means till both are done! He should have refilled his glass and continued to enjoy the moment with you.
2006-10-13 03:45:56 · answer #8 · answered by medic 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't start cleaning up or anything till your both done, but leaving the table before you are both done is ok , I wouldnt be suprised if she got mad if you start cleaning upbefore shes done.
2006-10-13 03:50:00 · answer #9 · answered by a1_friend64 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So you made him eat a meal he didn't want. Then you get mad when he starts cleaning up.
Get over yourself.
No excuses for the restaurant stuff though.
2006-10-13 04:15:35 · answer #10 · answered by FF Geek 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋