What shud i do?

Question

Well, i know its not a good idea to think about someone else when u r having kids and r married. i just dont know how should i stop myself.I tried meditation,tried to keep myself busy but nothing works out.Temporarily,it just goes out of my head and after some days it comes back.My husband never appreciates me whatever i do for him,when i talk to him he does not respond properly.I just dont like the way he behaves.I try to help him out if he has a problem with something.When i talk to him he will show me that he is very busy with kids,but then he will say that he is listening to me.When i ask him what did i say he doesn't knows anything.
I feel so bored at times that i feel like running away.Well what should i do, i dont understand.How can i stop thinking about this other guy,please help me.Just wanna get out of this!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

rather than "want to get out of this!!!!" you should be working on how to fix it...get marriage counseling...you owe it to the children...it's not really about what YOU want anymore, it is about what is best for the FAMILY...you and your husband need to go to counseling together and work it out...you fell in love at some point and for some reason...work to re-discover what that is and work on it...good luck.

Answer 2

This other guy is only in your head because you are unhappy with your current situation. It really may not be about him. You need to first concentrate on your current relationship. you need to tell your husband that these are serious issues that matter to you. Dr. Phil says you teach people how to treat you. He can't change how he treats you if he doesn't know what he is doing. That's good communication. The base of every relationship.
I f after you have discussed this nothing changes or ther is no comprimise you need to decide your next step.
I am currently in my second marriage. We have the best communication because I really learned from my first marriage. A marriage certificate does not come with a free picket fence and million dollar family. My first husband was not abusive and we have a great relationship now but we married for the wrong reasons and without really knowing each other at all. I left when my daughter was 3 mnths old because I wanted her to grow up in a loving environment. I've been with my current husband since she was 1 1/2 and she is now 8. We now have a 20 mnth old daughter also. It is such a nice loving environment which is the example I was shown and want to show to them. you really need to think about that. Being in a loving relationship makes you a better parent and better exmaple for your children.
Good luck

Answer 3

Well, sweetie let me tell you. The grass may look greener on the other side but it is an illusion. Don't give up on your marriage or your husband. Try and remember how things were between the two of you before you first got married. What made you fall in love with him? Look at his good qualities. You have to out weight the good with the bad. Marriage is hard work. The day to day grind of work and home can get couples in a rut. The two of you need to have a "date" night once a week or every two weeks and try to get things back on track. You have to work at it every day and at times it will seem like you are doing all work in the relationship and at other times he may feel that he is doing all the work. That is just how it is. I have been married for 17 yrs, and trust me it has been hard but worth hanging in there. Try to find the "magic" you and your husband once shared. I wish you the best. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

OK, you can stop beating yourself up for having an active fantasy life. It's normal, & healthy, & trying to supress it is just counter-productive. The thing you want to avoid with fantasies is acting on them. So as long as you don't go ahead & have an affair with one of the objects of your fanasies, then you are OK.

The other problem is NOT the cause of your fantasizing. You & your husband need to learn how to communicate. Trying to talk to him while he's distracted with the kids or anything else is just unfair. You need to practice "Intentional Dialogue".
Rather than explain it all to you here, I am going to give you a link to a website that effectively explains it. Please give it a try before you & your husband dismiss it as something that won't work.
Even if you don't get it exactly right the 1st time you try it, I guarantee that you will come away from it feeling more satisfied than you are after communicating with your husband right now.

Here it is: http://www.relationshipjourney.com/dialtips.html.

It is an awkward & uncomfortable excercise at 1st, but believe me it really works, once you put it into practice.

Answer 5

first, make sure you are not under some "private eyes", the last laugh would be for him.Then, avoid all affairs, it would do more harm than good. Seek a vacation, how about your parents, for 3 weeks, he'll miss you, unless he himself is in an affair, check on him too,. Don't get mad, get even!You can stop thinking about this other guy by thinking beforehand what's the worst consequences it might damage you. He could also be a potential blackmailer in the end, because you're married.

Answer 6

Whatever you do, don't go with this other guy. You need to take a week with, and go somewhere with you girlfriends and just go @$$ crazy. HAVE SOME FUN. When you come back, have a romantic night together. Your time away will make both of you appreciate each other more, but you will also have a change to release some energy and have some fun. Good luck!

Answer 7

Relax sister, your marriage is in a phase. Your husband, like many of us husbands have this phase when we are total idiots. We take our women for granted. It is usually when there has started to be a communication breakdown. He does not feel you listen to his problems or give him credible solutions and you don't think he listens. It makes you both feel not nice and you both stop being caring and loving to eachother. You start to ignore eachother, stop having sex.........now for those that have been there, it gets worse.....very very worse. So what I suggest is, since you are very fortunate and can work this out, don't give up on the man you once loved so much. Don't even consider his friend or want to cheat with him. Focus on your marriage and your child. Don't make it worse.
Your husband won't make it easy, but don't give up. Hang in there.

Answer 8

Your husband is taking you for granted and this has caused you divert your attention to someone else. Thinking about another man is a form of escape for you.. You tried to talk it out with your husband but he just won't listen and continues to neglects your needs.... Running away won't solve anything, what about your kids? Focus on how you can get rid of your boredom. Go out with your friends, join a gym or any social activity that can help you grow...

Answer 9

This is a hard one. Im in the same boat.
Its natural to want love and respect (not necessarily sex) from a man. If your husband doesnt give it to you then if you find someone that gives u that attention its hard not to think of him more than u should. My best advice, you're going to have to cut all ties. Keep yourself busy with a hobby or go out with friends. Think of all the distastrous things that could happen with an affair...it might scare the thoughts out of u........
.

Answer 10

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I divorced my husband cuz someone else pursued me and I wanted to check it out. The guy was a player, 21 years later and I still regret that decision. My husband was honest , faitful, never hit me or verbally abused me. I consider it the worst mistake in my life.