We have been married almost 10 years and have two children under 5. We both work and over the last few years the lovelife degenerated to the 1-2 times a month phase. After a serious talk recently that has improved greatly (every other day) but the problem is she just doesn't seem to enjoy herself much anymore. I know about all the ramantic suggestions and when I suggest anything like that she says no she would rather just "get it over with" and go to sleep. Are there any good libido improvers out there for women. Other than this area the marriage is great, but for her it just isn't a problem for me it is starting weigh heavily on my mind. Suggestions?
2006-10-13 03:15:18 · 15 answers · asked by medic 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your life is normal. Dont get worried that it's way far beyond what many other people are going thru.
You wife needs a break. Women are more intense and they get easily weighed down by some of life's responsibilities.
For men, sex makes things feel better and sex is not so wrapped up in a clear mind.
For a woman, sex is able to happen when her mind is clear of obligations, stresses, etc.
How about hiring someone to clean the house once a week. And also shipping the kiddies off to grandma's or a sitter's once every two weeks so you get the house to yourself a couple of times a month. Then also have a date night...dinner out (even if it's just pizza) and holding hands, walking, talking,etc twice a month also...on the weeks that you don't ship the kiddies off.
That gives you and your wife time to regroup as a couple. And YOU take care of the babysitting arrangements. Don't even tell her. Just do it and then it won't be "one more thing" she has to do.
You arrange for the kids to be gone and let her have a couple of hours to herself (in her newly cleaned house) she can take a bath, read, relax....then you can make or bring in dinner, play cards, watch a movie.
Don't let the focus be sex. She needs to unwind to get back in the mood. And don't make a nosedive toward the "good parts" of her body...go super slow and let her advance to the next level.
Maybe the first day alone she won't be very sexy but after she realizes that this time alone comes at regular intervals, she will really appreciate your love for her and that will make her want to make love more often.
And it's not fair to you that you have to do all the work, I know. I know. But the payoff is a happy wife and that will make you feel good about what you are doing. Plus, the sex will come soon enough. Be patient. You sound like an amazing husband.
Also, don't forget the romance stuff....a mushy card sent to her office, a few hershey kisses scattered on her pillow, bringing her a cup of coffee inthe morning, asking her to cuddle. JUST CUDDLE before sleep.
Those things are invaluable to a woman. We need it as much as you need and want fun aggressive sex. We need romance to have sex and you need sex to be romantic. Or that's how it seems to me.
So take the first steps since you seem the least stressed out of the two of you. You have a very lucky wife!
2006-10-13 03:29:27 · answer #1 · answered by ssssss 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's her libido. She sounds as if she's depressed. Considering that you both work and she probably has the most responsibility for the care of your two children (with all that that implies), it's entirely reasonable that she's stressed out, overworked and as a consequence- depressed. Unfortunately, if she is feeling depressed, she won't have the motivation to heed your romantic suggestions. Ask her how she's feeling and whether she feels depressed and would like to see someone (counselor). Another way to help her is to start doing more around the house and taking the kids on an outing that would give her some 'down time'. That would be the ultimate aphrodisiac!
2006-10-13 03:19:18 · answer #2 · answered by cheyennetomahawk 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let's see now, two kids under 5 and she works...no doubt takes care of most of the household chores as well...take a hint, SHE'S TIRED! Wanna help her libido? PITCH in. Take the kids to Chuck E Cheese and give her a night off to pamper herself. Or give her an entire day on a weekend (once a month at least) for just HER.
2006-10-13 21:43:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello, I think you should ask her why is it that she just want to get it over with so quickly. Is there something else she would rather do? and is it that she just doesn't find joy in it anymore? From past relationships I've found that I tended to accept the situation rahter than confronting my partner about it and it isn't healthy. Let her know how you feel. I know that you said you've had a long talk on it, but apparently it wasn't enough. Wish you the best of luck.
2006-10-13 03:22:50 · answer #4 · answered by Sweety 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand. Women are just not into sex like men are, especially after a while when she has a lot on her mind. You have to dazzle her, totally blow her away with something exciting and completely different. It seems like she is a little bored and/or preoccupied. Try and shock her out of it. Get some erotic toys, and take her to a hotel. There is one that is like a remote control buzzer, you put it in her undies, take her to dinner, and mess with her all night. Try public sex, try swinging, try tying her up, try role playing. She's freakier than you suspect (trust me, I suprise my husband ALL the time, and we've been together almost ten years). That'll really wake her up and you guys will have some fun. Good luck! Have fun expermenting.
2006-10-13 03:30:07 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet Belly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is probably tired my husband and i had the same problem but we were always trying to make love at night after we both had a bad day so now we will go at it at weird times like in the morning put in a movie and go at it late in the afternoon. but when you do that you will have to help with the kids alittle more and it will all work out...ps i have 3 kids 5 and under
2006-10-13 04:02:30 · answer #6 · answered by christina c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's having a hard time enjoying herself due to fatigue; the best thing you can do to turn her on is to give her a day off from housework and kids.
Hire a maid for a day to catch up on everything - take a day off of work and help; leave your wife with nothing to do except to nap and be ready for the evening!
2006-10-13 03:23:17 · answer #7 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
More oral for her, and maybe some sex toys. Exercise is a huge libido booster, so buy her a gym membership, or better yet, get one for both of you and work out together. Of course, if she is too tired/doesn't have time for sex, she probably won't have time for the gym, either. But I KNOW this works.
2006-10-13 03:38:41 · answer #8 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried making the foreplay longer? Concentrate more on the areas that get her blood flowing? Do you go on dates anymore, or just talk to each other without bringing up the kids? If she wanted to, she could get checked for hormonal imbalances.
2006-10-13 03:19:06 · answer #9 · answered by Velken 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to her about this. This is not acceptable.
You need this to be a twop way street. Tell her to you this is like her wanting you to be romantic and you saying ok, here are your flowers or while driving to take her out saying "let's just get THIS over with". I am sure that would not fly with her.
2006-10-13 06:38:40 · answer #10 · answered by onlineseeker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋