Psycho Inlaws only want one grandchild and not the others.?

Question

We have 4 kids. Two were my husband's one was mine and the other is a 2 year old we had together. My mil favors one and fil favors the other. My mil told me she hated me and my daughter. and we had a war and she threatened to kill me 2x and so on. This was about 6 mo ago and I forgave her. My husband has said something over and over but they don't care. Now they want to take one kid somewhere that is like a zoo and a big deal. They can't afford to take all 3 of the big kids. I don't think she should go because the others can't. They say they need to be treated as individuals but they can't see that it hurts the kids when they do stuff like this. Problem is they only favor one. They don't take turns with the kids or it would be different. Hubby does not have enough balls to say no! Am I wrong??

Answer 1

Well...if in fact your mother-in-law said she wanted to "kill" you and the kid(s) I'd have to say "psycho" is an apt description.

Know what? Let 'e take the one kid. Face it...they aren't ever going to warm up to the others. Maybe they will...maybe they won't. Isn't life strange and full of all these unanswered questions and unknow results?

Screw it. It's something you and they will have to get used to. Obviously they aren't going anywhere and neither are you.

Make it work, ignore it or have it take up so much of your time that you'll get ulcers over it. Your choice.

Answer 2

I think they are two issues here. First you say your mil threatened you and your son; hated your daughter. This might sound harsh but I would not let my children be around someone so negative, grandparent or not. This is what I would do (I am no expert) but I would have a meeting with you inlaws and your husband (whom should be "in" on the meeting beforehand). I would let them know jointly, that you want to have a relationship with them and you want all the grandkids to know their grandparents, but if their behavior toward you and some of the children does not improve, then you just don't feel comfortable around them and you don't want your children exposed to that kind of behavior. (why do they act like this? You don't say what started it, did you have a previous falling out?)

Secondly, the zoo thing, It is very expensive to take one child, much less 4 anywhere. But I have 9 little girl cousins, and when I want to do something special for them, I divide them into groups, like take 2 sisters together, or one group has 3 girls, then a couple of weeks later I do the same and so on until everyone has had their special trip. The girls are fine with this, and they enjoy the one on one time I can give when there are not 9 of them around. Maybe your in-laws can take two at time, or you can go with them and help with all four kids. But let them be the ones "taking care" of them, you are in the background but there you know.

But I wouldn't even do the zoo trip until I had a talk with them. It sounds to me like they are just running over you and your husband, so maybe if you stand up to them during a family talk, they will see the light. Good luck.

Answer 3

You are right.

If they can't afford to take each of the 4 kids at individual times, then they shouldn't be allowed to take just one.

Perhaps you and hubby could finance the fun dates with the grandparents? Maybe once a month, one kid goes, you give grandma $50 to spend with that kid. Then each kid would get 3 special dates a year with the grandparents.

Though.....do you really want your kids hanging out with a woman who wants to kill you?

Answer 4

You aren't wrong, but if its because they can't afford it then maybe you guys should give them money. After all we are talking about 4 kids. Now in days, everything is expensive. I have balls so if I were you I would tell my MIL and FIL, that if they want to see any of their grandchildren, then they have to treat all of them the same, if not then they don't need to see any of them. There is obviously tension already between you and them. And after someone tells you that they are going to kill you, you just don't forget about that. I'm pretty sure if they lose their privilege to see their grandchildren, they'll learn their lesson.

Answer 5

From the sounds of it, you need to keep all of them away from the in laws (outlaws). I would not risk letting any of my children being in their care and I would tell the in laws exactly why. Since they can not love all four of them the same, they do not get to see any of them at all. They are not the parents or legal guardian of any of the children (I guess) and have no legal right to them, so you as the parent and your husband need to protect the children. If you husband will not sprout a pair of balls, then you need to strap them on for him, because those kids do not deserve to be done that way... You are not wrong, you are 100% right and they need to know that... Send me their number, I will call them and tell them what sorry *** grandparents they are...Dang I hate people like that...

Answer 6

Step it up, and put your husband on the spot. He is married to you, not his parents. If they are treating you like this, put your distance between them. And your husband needs to back you up on this. Any in law that threats to kill you... I cannot imagine what I would do to my parents if they did that to my wife.

As for their treatment of your kids, that is completely inappropriate. They are all your kids. You sound like you have adopted each other's well, and then brought one in together that is both of yours. That is beautiful. The grandparents need to do the same thing. You are one family now and they need to accept this. If they want to do something with just one kid for thier birthday, great. But they need to do that for each child, make it a special occasion. Otherwise, they need to at least offer to take all the kids. I am not saying they need to count every penny and make sure every child is treated exactly the same, but showing obvious favorites is completly inappropriate. If your husband will not step up to the plate, you will have to put those jerks in their place. It can seriously stunt a child's development to think that their grandparents do not love them as much as one of their sibblings. Offer to pay for the excursion if you need to. If that will not work, be willing and able to cut off the in laws. Your kids are more important than their feelings.

Answer 7

Tell your husband it's his responsibility to tell his parents that they have to treat all the kids the same or it would be best for all the children not to see their grandparents.They don't have to lavish the kids with presents but just spending time with them all is enough.Good Luck!

Answer 8

Don't send your kids with them ever. If they can't do 1 don't do any! And I would not want people around my kids who are threating my life anyways. ACCIDENTS do happen! And I would cut the in laws out of the marriage! The bible says forsaking all clinging only one! That means leaving your parent and clinging to your wife.

Answer 9

No you are not wrong. Unfortunately there really is a thing as toxic parents. I wonder why you would allow people in your home that not only threatened to harm you but also your child. I would advise you to tell them that until they are ready to treat all of the children the same and treat you with respect they are not welcome.

Answer 10

no. you are not wrong. if speaking to them about this does not work, stop them from seeing the kids or at least from taking one and leaving the rests. exlplain to them that it is damaging for your kids relationships with each other. if they don't change you're going to have to take some serious steps. if your husband can't stand up to his parents on this, have him answer all of questions like why don't they like me. give the ball-less eunich a taste of what it does to them. he probably thinks you're jealous of the attention that teh one kid gets because the other one does not. jmo.